Good-bye 2018
You were no friend of mine
Your spring felt like a daydream
That never got to shine
Wherever you are going
Check if my hopes still burn
I’ll spend next year not knowing
If ever they’ll return

———-

I liked things better a year ago
And that’s kinda saying a lot
A lot will be coming that I don’t know
I’m trying to like what I’ve got

I liked myself better while teaching you
That things can be good, even great
I thought I’d be better at reaching you
I saw what I was much too late

———-

Nothing to regret but still sorry
I’m the villain of my own story
Easy to forget all my errors
While I face the night and its terrors

I watched what I fear catch and trap me
In another life I was happy
I’d be out of here if I let me
Disappear for good and forget me

———-

How can I say what’s on my heart? You might not understand
Try to convey three heavy words with soft strokes of my hand
Three words I couldn’t shorten, no, but drag them out for miles
And substitute their meaning with my kisses, hugs and smiles
I think you know, but I’m not sure. Don’t want to look so weak
I need you so and I’m afraid you’ll leave me when I speak

———-

Like snowflakes on my palm
They melt beneath my touch
They go and I stay calm
I know they felt too much

I’m used to pleasant things
And how they might upset you
You loved me and it stings
But still I’m glad I met you

———-

You’re the strangest type of friend
You disappear for months sometimes
But when I feel like it’s the end
You’re usually there

What you feel is never clear
You never put your heart in rhymes
But when I almost disappear
You usually care

———-

You’re the strangest type of friend
You disappear for months sometimes
But when I feel like it’s the end
You’re usually there

What you feel is never clear
You never put your heart in rhymes
But when I almost disappear
You usually care

———-

I’m glad that you’re fine
Why would that destroy me?
You’re no longer mine
So please don’t annoy me
Don’t care what you do
Or how far you made it
I hate loving you!
I hate it, I HATE IT!

———-

Through his treatment
Good as new
For what she’d meant
He’s got two
One who’s skinny
One who’s not
One who’s clingy
One who’s hot
One who’s gentle
One who’s rough
Sentimental
Wild and tough
One who pleases
One who blows
One who teases
One who shows
One for kissing
Two for sex
Never missing
That one ex

———-

Smoking hot because you aren’t smoking
What you got is thought and sweat provoking
I’m enthralled by what your eyes and lips do
And I’m told that you’ve got breasts and hips too

We could dance if I knew how to do that
Not a chance on Earth with you, but screw that
If I could ever get you to kiss me
I’d make sure your lips would learn to miss me

———-

You loved me as I did you
But you always wanted to change me
The things that I wear and do
I wasn’t enough

And I know I did the same
You woke this amoral and strange me
We played this two loser’s game
But we were in love

———-

You know she wore that T-shirt
The one that I don’t use
You say it needs rebranding
So it’s the one you choose

The fabric covers your breasts
The way it covered hers
A view I got too used to
A blessing first, then curse

I always liked the colors
On her as well as you
But this time it’s proactive
And it can’t make me blue

I love the way you heal me
By knowing where I’m torn
With words and hugs and kisses
And T-shirts proudly worn

———-

Kissing in the dark
Next to the staircase
Used to be their place
Lit it with our spark

Back against the wall
You’re catching fire
And your desire
Meets me strong and tall

———-

You know I can’t stay mad long
But what should I do?
I hate how every sad song
Reminds me of you

You weren’t one in many
You gave me a year
And there are few if any
That I can bear near

I loved you and you blew it
I wasn’t the one
Don’t know how long you knew it
Before you moved on

———-

I wanted to love you
It was a success
But we didn’t happen
And now I’m a mess

Again I am searching
For someone to fuck
Despair is emerging
And I’m out of luck

It’s not about pleasure
I need to move on
A desperate measure
Till I find the one

———-

Somebody once told me the world was such a pretty place
They were lying to my face
Somebody once left me alone because life isn’t fair
They got fat and lost all hair

———-

It’s no simple task
To keep busy each day
Or each night anyway
And remember

From spring on she’ll fuck
Everyone who’s in luck
Till the days get all grim
In December

She hears her mum ask
“Isn’t one man enough?”
And it just makes her laugh
It’s so silly

Cause that’s the ideal
But it’s never been real
That it’s all about him
Not his willy

———-

You’re so into bad boys ’cause you’re just too good
Except for your bed toys, you do what you should
No touching in public, no catching an eye
A well-curried puppet, and few hear you sigh
You’re craving the danger, you’re longing for dirt
Cause you are no stranger to lust, fear and hurt

———-

All that withers isn’t old
Never trust the things you’re told
All that’s broken isn’t bad
All unspoken isn’t sad
What you’re seeing isn’t me
Me, I wouldn’t have you see
Stop assuming, just be still
Watch again, and see you will

———-

I barely think of you these days
I’m never gonna change my ways
But when my mind slips toward my heart
The pain is tearing me apart
Split seconds, that is all you get
And all my eyes need to get wet
I crave distractions, and I function
This isn’t crossroads, just a junction
It’s not at all a new sensation
Of course that’s no real consolation
Pain’s painful, be it old or new
And so I barely think of you

———-

New body, pleasant heat
We only need one sheet
You’re gently pressed against me
Breathing quietly

My dick rests on your back
The spot I used to smack
A lot of men have been with you
So why not me

I hold you close like this
An absent-minded kiss
You revel in my tender mind’s
Sobriety

———-

I miss you when I watch TV
So cute and cuddled up to me
I wish that we had finished all those shows

I miss your wit, your wicked jokes
Your smile, your kisses, gentle strokes
One look at you makes sure my penis grows

I miss your sighs at 2 a.m.
Your screams, and how you give a damn
About those stupid things that people do

You wronged me and it hurt so bad
And after all the fights we had
I don’t regret I fell in love with you

———-

Lips as smooth as liquid
Both pairs made to be kissed
I’ll wait if you insist
Although you make me rigid

Breasts as soft as cotton
And sighs that soothe my ear
I’m grateful to be here
Unveiling what’s forgotten

———-

How is this so hard to get?
You left me before I fled
You retreated and you let
Other people in your bed

It was long before I went
That you stopped to really care
And whatever truths you’ve bent
It’s still you who’s been unfair

———-

It’s sad how you turned my retreat into something ugly
I said it’s not enough for me if you only fuck me
Much less if there’s another guy that you see more often
I guess there are some types of blow that you cannot soften
You think this is about my love, that I somehow hate you
In truth, I am just not enough, and it hurts to date you

———-

I miss you like hell and I feel like shit
But this is it, I had to quit
You may not be willing to admit
We never fit, so this is it

———-

It took a while to realize
What I am really in your eyes
A toy to play with, then ignore
A boy you lay with, nothing more

I’m sure you think it isn’t true
That I was not just kink to you
And that you cared despite the strife
But yet we never shared a life

You never introduced me to
The people who were used to you
You gave yourself a different name
To call you by before you came

You showed no interest in me
In what I write or long to be
But you were quick to disagree
And point out what is wrong with me

You’re arrogant and prone to judge
And you insulted me so much
I did my best to hope and wait
I’ve waited long, now it’s too late

The self-esteem that I deployed
Can now be easily enjoyed
Without the cost by other men
You won’t be seeing me again

———-

I’m the repair guy once again
Fixing someone’s self-esteem
And once they’ve learned to fly from here
I’m sent to hell

I’ve shown you there are better men
That it wasn’t just a dream
I’ve tried to love you for a year
It worked too well

———-

You barely write and never call
It’s hard to think you care at all
You’re such a princess, so adored
You’re never lonely, never bored
To meet with you, a tricky task
It’s always me who has to ask

———-

You never really went all in
Your chips were not on us
And after everything that’s been
You’re not the one I trust
I never really shared your life
You always kept me out
You didn’t have to be my wife
But be with me and proud
I’ve shared my bed with thirty-some
You were among the best
It hurts but also leaves me numb
That you were just a guest
Was sex the only thing we had?
I still don’t think that’s true
And losing this is simply sad
I loved the time with you

———-

What does it help, loving you?
What does it change that I do?
We’ve been through much, time has flown
Now we’re estranged and alone
And though I miss how you smell
I had to kiss you farewell
Your naked body, so fair
Is someone else’s to share

———-

Water’s pourring down from the sky
It’s dark outside and barely noon
Sheets so empty, I don’t know why
I hope someone will fill them soon

———-

I am a good lover, good husband, good man
Potential good father, I know this I can
I’m not a good nephew, or grandson or son
Those things I am bad at, they cannot be done

———-

I had given you a key
Now I’m back to being host
In your arms, just you and me
That’s what I will miss the most
I felt safe and it felt right
Being home with you somehow
Gently kissing you good-night
But I guess that’s over now

———-

I feel numb
And maybe you do too
It’s so dumb
This getting over you
It was clear
We’re different, you and I
Now I’m here
And hating this good-bye
Yes, I knew
My heart would break again
So did you
Be happy if you can

———-

Imagine you’re having a cup of tea
At a cozy café with a friend
You are talking and laughing, long time no see
And the cup all feels nice in your hand

Imagine you’re ordering chocolate pie
When some voices are raised to your right
At a table nearby someone’s asking why
They’re ignored by the waiters all night

Intrigued you are watching the scene unfold
As two nice and calm guys, it appears
Are stared down by a waiter and sternly told
That this place doesn’t cater to queers

Bewildered and startled you watch them leave
And you don’t feel like pie anymore
And for one angry moment, if only brief
It feels almost too hard to ignore

Now tell me, that you could ignore this shit
With no furious glances or words
If a cause is worth fighting for, just one bit
You would have to speak up though it hurts

Now why is this different from a meal
Where some strangers blow smoke in my face?
Don’t you think I should let them know how I feel
Would you not raise your voice in my place?

———-

A comment here, a photo there
And all those funny kitties
And you’re supposed to like and share
The rants, the thoughts, the titties

No problem disappears because
You write an angry letter
This world has had enough applause
We need to do much better

———-

I know this now
I want you
It took a while to see
And yet somehow
I want to
Although it frightens me
I know that we’re
Not perfect
We’re not an easy match
But when you’re here
It’s worth it
I have to risk that catch

———-

Stop protecting me
I can decide what I can bear
You’re neglecting me
And my needs

Yes, it’s hard, but see
These are my boots, not yours to wear
It’s my choice, you see
No good deeds

———-

I miss you bad, your warmth, your body
It makes me sad that it’s been days
I realize you have to study
It would be nice if there were ways
To do it here and share some kissing
Then disappear into your books
It’s not just body parts I’m missing
It’s not just taste and smell and looks

———-

You want me to throw out the presents
That you gave me freely a long time ago
To kill all mementos, in essence
You loved me but really it now isn’t so
A gift is a gift once it’s given
And you’re merely driven by anger you feel
Why should I give in to this rhythm?
You changed your mind once, and we did have a deal

You want to take back what you gave me
You said it was mine, now you want it destroyed
But I need mementos to save me
I need to recall and I know you’re annoyed
The law says you’re right, but why listen?
If this can be done then what else isn’t safe?
There really is nothing you’re risking
You can’t just take back every present you gave

———-

Oh, she was crazy alright
Completely bonkers
But there was such fire in her
Such passionate flames
And at the time
I just wanted to know
If anything could ever
Ignite a sensation like that
Inside me again
And at the time
That was what kept me
Kept me alive
Kept me going
Kept me with her
It was only much later
That I too had to learn
All flames must consume to burn

———-

Give me your hand
Mine won’t do it
Don’t understand
Leave me to it

Give me a smile
Mine is broken
Leave what is vile
Left unspoken

Give yourself up
And come down here
Pass on the cup
While I drown here

———-

Touch them any way you want
With any part of you
But don’t fall in love with them
Be careful what you do

Spend the day in your own way
But please be home at night
Do whatever you must do
But baby, do it right

———-

Life can be one crazy ride
Everyone told you but you didn’t get it
Pushing all mocking aside
If you had stayed, you would surely regret it
You are the one who decides
That’s how it should have been from the beginning
Struggling and picking your fights
That’s how you do it, that’s how you’ll be winning

———-

Old people singing and drinking
How can you stand this while sober?
Why can’t this torture be over?
What on this Earth are they thinking?

Young people drinking and dancing
Aren’t a pretty sight either
I’ll waste my lifetime with neither
Please do excuse my shocked glancing

———-

Silencing the media
That’s how countries die
When they’ll ask me “Grandpapa,
Can you tell us why?”
I won’t know what else to say
Other than “We suck”
When they take free speech away
We should give a fuck

———-

Empowerment means caring less about what people think
When others look at you and judge, your joy just shouldn’t sink
Nobody else has to approve of clothes you want to wear
And when you’re kissing on a train, don’t mind if people stare

Empowerment means feeling good about the way you are
So good, in fact, that confidence outweighs your doubts by far
Society does plenty wrong, but this one is on you
They shouldn’t have a say at all in what you wear or do

———-

Send nudes, send trees, send landscapes
Sent pictures that you took
Or things you drew or painted
I need them for my book

If colorful or grayscale
Send me the best you’ve got
Don’t worry, there’s no hurry
Cause I still need a lot

———-

How bad can a morning be
With you lying next to me
With kissing your beautiful shoulder
And soft, longing neck?

How much can a day go wrong
When you always come along?
I know while whatever shit happens
That you’ll have my back

———-

The knowledge hurts
Your last two words
They leave me sold
It’s over
Above it all
The rain drops fall
And I feel cold
But sober

———-

At the end of the day it’s okay to be one with your grief
Don’t be shy, every drop that you cry is a sign of relief
Like I said all along, you don’t have to be strong every night
Once it’s dark, you might make out the spark to ignite a new light

———-

It’s only hair, it’s decoration
I’m not disgusted or impressed
If that’s your flaming declaration
Of independence, be my guest

It’s only fair to choose your own style
I wouldn’t advertise a change
And I will kiss you with a broad smile
I like variety and range

———-

So what’s next?
What an endless day
Still no text
Should I walk away?
Still no sign
That you care at all
Are you mine?
Should I write or call?

———-

People get hurt. That’s what happens.
Whether you want it or not.
There is no point in avoiding
All the good people you’ve got.
Both of us know we’re a time bomb.
Neither of us wants the blow.
Yet part of me is so hopeful.
I’d rather blow up than go.

———-

Is love a lion?
Will it roar?
As loud and fiery as before?
Will it ignite the breaths it took?
Will it attract my every look?
Or is it subtle like a snake?
A hiss with every breath I take?
And will it silently dispel
My worries while I cannot tell
That something’s happening with me?
This time, will love come quietly?

———-

You say you won’t be there for me
When darkness strikes again, you’re gone
You wouldn’t stay and care for me
You wouldn’t stay for anyone

I’ve never heard that phrase before
It seems so heartless, so intense
It won’t be easy to ignore
This friendship’s lost its innocence

———-

Agonizing sorrow till tomorrow
And the horror of the past
Where nothing last
Not even me

But do you see
I want this too
Till forever me and you
No doubt whatsoever, now or never

———-

Posh, no doubt, but superficial
Not without some bland appeal
My reaction stayed initial
My erection no big deal

Beautifullest on the surface
Frosty coolness underneath
Never understood what worth is
Chills are all she could achieve

———-

Maybe if you chose your guys
By character instead of likes
By words instead of comments
There’d be more chance of romance

Maybe if someday you stopped
To only like what’s photoshopped
And talked instead of followed
You’d find a man less hollow

———-

When I hear your moaning and your sighs
And you open wide those stunning eyes
When your lips are trembling and your gaze
Is all over me, my eyes, my face
When you whisper “baby, please don’t stop”
While you’re in my sheets and I’m on top
When you being close is all I feel
Then I know my love for you is real

———-

Don’t make it complicated
Don’t lie to make me stay
No lie stays undebated
Be careful what you say

Don’t twist the truth to test me
Because you’re insecure
Why would you have to best me
To see me and be sure?

———-

Recently I realized
I think you make me happy
Can’t recall that happening
The past eleven years
I’m not sure it’s happiness
I’m used to feeling crappy
Or indifferent at most
You changed that, it appears

———-

You’re close to tears
When you ask again
Why I’m changing this beautiful body you gave me
I don’t know how to tell you that that’s how to save me
I’m scarred by fears
And I’m scarred by men

My body’s mine
It just has to be
The unspeakable things they have done to it pain me
And I’ll change every last hurting spot to regain me
I will be fine
But they crippled me

———-

What’s happiness?
It’s not euphoric, I recall
It might not be that loud at all
What if it’s really quiet, small?
And easy to miss?
And I confess
That I have looked for fireworks
Bright, shiny moments, all these perks
But that is not how happy works
It’s calm, knowing, bliss

—-

——

As a kid I was told love was potent and magical
And I waited for butterfly swarms in my chest
I kept waiting and I didn’t know what I had at all
Till the right girl put all of my worries to rest

As a teen I found love was a mixture of many things
If I missed her and wanted her, I was alright
Love was soaked with the ecstasy and the despair it brings
When it went, I was crying my heart out each night

So I waited for something that made me feel young again
Gave me meaning and reason to get up and out
Never thought that so many would want me to be their man
Never saw myself roaming and fooling around

Now I wonder if there can be love that’s just ecstasy
If the core of the love that I’ve known was the pain
I’m so calm when you give all your words and your sex to me
So confusing that there might be so much to gain

———-

No workout, too much food
This isn’t going well
Not in a splendid mood
And everyone can tell
I don’t know how to stop
Or where my happy face went
I used to be on top
Now I am in the basement

———-

You’re up so late
Most of your days
To deal with life’s ungracious ways

You share a bed
With just your phone
Cause you can’t bear to be alone

Each text you write
Is poetry
Please send your broken self to me

Type out your chest
Scream out for fears
So you can rest with silent tears

———-

Is there another word for darkness?
I seem to use it way too often
Some days the light is but a carcass
A view the darkness still can’t soften

When I wake up, it’s time for dinner
There’s black outside my window pane
I slept through lunch but won’t get thinner
An endless night to go insane

———-

Why can’t you see what I see?
How wonderful you are
It’s so goddamn frustrating
How did it get that far?

How could one single person
Believe you’d stay alone?
When you’re so damn amazing
A treat to mind and bone

Why can’t you just accept that
You’re sexy, cute and smart?
That lots of them would want you
If you just made a start

———-

You worry
That I’ve started flirting
And we’ve started hurting
And so you cry

I’m sorry
I wish it would matter
You do deserve better
But so do I

———-

Not being understood
The definition of lonely
You’d keep on talking if only
The prospects were good

Not being like the rest
Is that a good or a bad trait
You feel prepared for a sad fate
Such weight on your chest

———-

If I could only ever miss you like I miss myself
Then I could surely start each morning with your smile on my lips
If it was good enough to kiss you with a thirst for love
I’d fight my doubts each time they’re dawning for the dream of a home

———-

Are a mother and father just fighting
Worth a home without family ties?
Is it better to keep what is broken
And to listen to curses and lies?

Is the thought that you still have a home here
Worth the crying and desperate times?
Starting over or staying together –
What to choose when they both feel like crimes?

———-

I just can’t be lonely
At least so I thought
A simple excuse that
So many have bought

Some I remember
While some start to blur
I’m wondering which type
I am now to her

Observed from the outside
I did few things wrong
I tried to survive shit
I tried to stay strong

Collateral damage
The hearts that I’ve slain
I truly am sorry
I’ve caused you such pain

———-

Who’s gonna rebuild you when everything’s shattered?
Who’s gonna replace what’s been all that you knew?
How do you get over all that’s ever mattered?
How are you supposed to just know what to do?

Who knows who you are when you’ve never been single?
Who knows how to start to just live and have fun?
You’re somehow supposed to go out and to mingle
But how do you start something you’ve never done?

———-

Sometimes I fuck up and don’t even notice
Sometimes I’m aware of it from the start
When we’re out of luck, I want you to know this:
Good moments are rare when we are apart

I haven’t been happy since I was twenty
I’m rarely myself when I’m on my own
And those who don’t get me, say I have plenty
What good is my wealth when I’m all alone?

———-

I’ve seen how good it can be
I’ve felt the ecstasy
I couldn’t go back to less now if I tried

Is knowledge always handy?
Good’s not enough for me
I couldn’t leave what I’ve felt now all aside

The bar is set so high now
Not many are that tall
But how could I now accept what’s just okay?

Why would I change or lie now?
That doesn’t work at all
How many do really get though what I say?

———-

Love
You’ve often heard of it
A big thing for so many
All your lovers made you quit
He says he’ll stay but can he?
Love
It’s said to feel so fine
But you’re not sure you’ve met it
Maybe love can only shine
For those who learn to let it

———-

You scream and you gasp
You feel a bit affected
His dick in your ass
Feels better than expected
You tell him you’ll come
He keeps it up like paid for
What’s painful for some
Your body just seems made for

———-

Sweat drops from my head onto your face
I fuck you with careful, gentle pace
All the neighbors hear your rhythmic screams
I can lead your body to extremes
Palm to palm, your fingers squeeze my own
I see only you and you alone
Thrust must follow thrust while I’m on top
Trust your eyes that tell me ‘Please don’t stop’

———-

How can it be wrong if both of them want it?
And why would you care; it’s not about you
It isn’t your place to act all affronted
It isn’t your choice, whatever they do

Two people in love, or lust, or just boredom
Can choose their own way; that’s simple and true
Whatever you feel, you must just ignore them
How others have sex, that’s not up to you

———-

I’m really sad about this
Though not at all surprised
Each time I cherish a kiss
It all gets compromised
I wish life wasn’t that way
But I have learned to bear
The way I’m feeling today
Because I do still care

———-

So this is it, my dear?
Familiar situation
The fact that I’ve been here
Can’t hinder my frustration
I’ve seen it all before
Your pain is shared by many
Successfully ignored
By only few, if any

———-

You look so sexy in that bra
So lovely and so tempting
Your sweat smells like a perfumed candle
Cinnamon and lime

I lie down and I look at you
My mind comfortably empty
You’re almost more than I can handle
But I’ll take my time

———-

Who invented getting up?
What a jerk. So not worth it.
Hope he’s up himself right now.
Off to work. You deserve it.

———-

Kannst du denn nicht hier sein
Du süßeste von allen?
Willst du meine Tür sein?
Ich würd dich gerne knallen
Jeden Tag auf’s Neue
Will ich dir versichern
Wie sehr ich mich freue
Hörst du mich nicht kichern?

———-

I tend to be a caring person
To each their own, let’s get along
But there are those who are exceptions
Those few who’ve really done me wrong

I wish my fate upon those people
I wish them worse than I have been
Have no intention to forgive them
They were so arrogant and mean

I hope your sister is in prison
Your grandma senile, mother dead
I hope your father’s broke and bitter
I hope you’re miserable and sad

Part of me thinks I shouldn’t blame you
But it was you who let them act
Against us both, what we were building
I hope at least that you are racked

———-

Does it matter how he feels?
Not to him, so why to them?
Why to anyone indeed?
Where are they when he’s in need?
Not around.

Does it change a thing to know
How he’s been and how he is?
Does it matter? Not one bit.
He’ll stay lost in darkest shit.
Never found.

———-

Where did my sleep go?
It used to be deep
Now I’m just resting
The best thing
I guess I can get
I regret staying up
I am tired all day
Anyway
I fell deep
But I can’t fall asleep

———-

It’s Monday again
And last Friday’s so far away
An endless three days
Every Friday I am okay

It’s Monday again
And I wish you were in my arms
Such pointless six days
But on Friday I set alarms

———-

How could you think, even for a second, that I don’t want you around?
I was so lost and then found
And now I’m safe.

How could you say, even to yourself, that I’d rather not have you here?
You have no reason to fear
I’d misbehave

———-

The day is almost over
What did I even do?
A lot I don’t remember
And none of it with you

The days are more than pointless
And life’s composed of this
Get up, lie down, repeat it
And that is all there is

———-

Every day that dreadful place
He doesn’t want to go, they’re mean
You can see it on his face
He tries his best not to be seen

———-

She cannot risk them knowing
Her insecurities
She’s so afraid of showing
How beaten up she is
They wouldn’t understand her
Cause no one ever did
Her only real defender
Is never to admit

———-

My neck is stiff
Your pussy sore
I think we should
Get back for more

We start the day
By giving head
Why do they say
Romance is dead?

———-

Dear US, dear North Korea,
Could you stop comparing dicks?
Europe’s been quite peaceful lately
Don’t throw A-bombs in the mix

Look, I know we all got issues
It’s not easy to get by
But despite the constant nagging
Most of us don’t want to die

———-

My feet are cold
The rest is sweaty
I’m feeble, old
And yet so ready
Can barely see
Or hear them ring
Bring it to me
The hot, good thing

(presumably a poem about pizza)

———-

It’s a strange day, isn’t it?
At least it feels strange to me
Wish that I was pleased with it
But I don’t know how to be
It’s the sunlight or the air
They both seem a bit surreal
Could be me though, to be fair
I don’t like the way I feel

———-

I want to love again
The type that lasts
The whole grand hurricane
I want it fast
I want to trust again
With all my heart
Give in to lust again
Right from the start
And if it doesn’t stay
As usually
I hope we’ll be okay
Both you and me

———-

I worship you
Kneeling in front of those perfect proportions
Beautiful altar, no single distortion
Kissing your lips and the lube that they’re sweating
Sighing a prayer for those you won’t let in
My heart is true
I worship you

———-

It hurts to see you happy
Though I wish you happiness
The way you’re smiling at me
Makes me feel like shit and less
It hurts to know that someone
Fills what used to be my place
I wish you luck, but come one,
Please stop smiling to my face

———-

I know it’s never easy to have a worried mind
What you expect to happen
Is not the thing you find
It’s not just all those people that disappoint your heart
Your own misguided actions
Are tearing you apart
And I can see your struggle and how you start to feel
You’re doing much more damage
Than you could ever heal
Don’t worry when your Ego and you are out of touch
When you can’t seem to love you
I’ll love you twice as much

———-

He sucks, that’s all that’s to it
Tried to be good, but screw it
Again he hurt the wrong one
So stupid on the long run
He sucks, no way around it
Smashed luck each time he found it
And why, he doesn’t get it
He knew he would regret it

———-

Liking you comes so easy
I am not even trying
Still it’s all that I do all day long

And I know it sounds cheesy
But there’s just no denying
How my feelings for you are quite strong

———-

I tried to get you off my mind, I really did
I fucked each woman I could find, still felt like shit
Tried to convince myself you’re not the only one
My heart and dick ain’t all you’ve got, the list goes on
And how I wish that it was true, that they’re the same
Of course I only thought of you each time I came
And I felt bad for screwing them and wanting you
But in the end that’s who I am, what can I do?

—–

—–

Fucked up big time again
What was I even thinking?
And I’m not even drinking
I’m not that kind of man

I hurt her, and for what?
Some stupid, worthless action
When her intense affection
Is all I need and got

———-

Isn’t she supposed to be beautiful?
Isn’t she supposed to be good?
Shouldn’t she be told that she’s wonderful?
Shouldn’t this all be understood?

How can she be questioning what you see?
How was she not told of her shine?
How her beauty just keeps on blinding me
I’d have told her if she were mine

———-

I still can’t bear to see
How you grin in every post
And what troubles me the most
Is how you got over me

I still can’t comprehend
How you simply walked away
How you wouldn’t even say
Why you forced our thing to end

———-

Pissed off by your stupidity
I thought you were a friend to me
In any case, I liked you much
Your silly words, your gentle touch
I don’t call everyone a friend
And I am crushed when these things end
But you’re too immature and proud
It’s sad that that’s what you’re about

———-

Don’t put on makeup when we meet
I want to see an honest you
From messed-up hair to smelly feet
I want to know that you are true

Don’t put on lipstick when you’re here
Your lips are perfect as they are
Leave insecurities and fear
Outside the door; they’ve come too far

———-

Breathe, just breathe
Don’t panic
What the fuck
Don’t trust in your bad luck

Wait, just wait
And hold your thoughts in check
Don’t speculate, lay back
And breathe

———-

Lie down, lie still
And let my mouth explore you
Enjoy the chill
Of what is right before you

I’ve freed your chest
From all this needless fashion
To kiss your breast
With tenderness and passion

Move up your arm
I’ll pin it to the mattress
I’ll do no harm
Your hand’s just not what matters

Relax your thighs
And let me dive between them
Your breath, your sighs
It’s clear that I have seen them

You’re wet, I know
I kiss your shaking waist too
I get down low
Your scent tells me to taste you

———-

You’re scared
He’s too good to be real
And you don’t want to feel
What he’s found inside you

You thought
You could never be shown
What’s in movies alone
But he says it’s not true

What now
How did he gain your trust?
It’s so hard to adjust
To this scary new way

Somehow
Though you’re sure it can’t be
He just smiles knowingly
And it might be okay

———-

I can’t really say what’s worse
Missing someone or missing you
I know that they’re both a curse
And there’s little that I can do

With you it is more intense
While with someone it’s vague and slow
I’m trying to make some sense
Of the place where my daydreams go

———-

I shouldn’t be missing you
I shouldn’t try kissing you
I shouldn’t rhyme miss with kiss
But I’m too confused for this

I shouldn’t go check my mail
Excitement can only fail
Fail me and, far worse, fail you
But there’s nothing I can do

———-

It’s true I’m good with words
But my words are true as well
Don’t doubt me, cause it hurts
And I know that you can tell

It’s true we’ve only met
But I’ve tasted you and seen
The highs to which you get
Where so long ago I’ve been

So please don’t be so mean
To yourself, because I know
The places that I’ve seen
You I really want to show

———-

I miss you lying close
Pressing your face against my shoulder
The subtle scent of rose
Making me dream of when I’m older
I miss your pretty smile
Beautiful person, soft vendetta
Lie with me for a while
You have a chance to make me better

———-

Thank you for your strong responses
For your unbelieving smiles
First you thought my words were nonsense
Now you’d follow me for miles

Thank you for the way you shivered
When I first caressed your neck
The emotions you delivered
Were beyond what I expect

———-

I cut my hair because you liked it
I guess that’s just what people do
When they are desperate or blue
Well, you lost yours, I’m losing my shit
Guess you were less than I deserve
But still a friend for what it’s worth

———-

How cheap this is of you
To run when I am mad
When we could talk instead
But that you’d never do

You never could admit
You’re wrong and immature
So others must endure
You treating them like shit

———-

Für das was du suchst müsst ich dich kennen
Nicht nur in meiner Fantasie
Doch wär es so schlimm, wenn wir uns trennen?
Es gibt ja keine Garantie
Ist es nicht besser, sich zu beschenken
Mit einem Sommer voll Genuss
Anstatt eine Zukunft tot zu denken
Die jeder selbst erkunden muss?

Schau, ich bin nicht glücklich ganz alleine
Und das muss auch kein Mensch verstehn
Das Beste an mir ist wie ich meine
Was nur besondre Menschen sehn
Die Gabe einander zu verwöhnen
Mit Leib und Seele da zu sein
Nicht nur wenns um Schweiß geht, Lust und Stöhnen
Fürs Erste zu zweit sein, nicht allein

———-

Weren’t you supposed to make me better?
Wasn’t I supposed to do the same to you?
Shouldn’t we fulfill this to the letter?
Shouldn’t I be more than just a game to you?

Weren’t we supposed to fight together
Rather than on each end of the battlefield?
Weren’t all my worries meant to matter?
Wasn’t love supposed to be a metal shield?

Shouldn’t you and I accept each other?
Shouldn’t you be there whenever I’m afraid?
Shouldn’t we be close like child and mother?
Shouldn’t there be more than sometimes getting laid?

———-

I’m mad at you because you’re still not here
I’ve had a few, and I’m not talking beer
I’ve saved myself so I could be with you
I’ve gone through hell, in fact I always do

I’m really pissed because you’re still away
Too much we’ve missed, it’s getting more each day
And I don’t know what’s keeping you so long
And time will show if I can keep me strong

———-

I thought you were better
I thought you were good
But what does it matter?
Not quite what it should
I thought you would get me
I thought you were nice
I drowned and you let me
Not touching the ice

———-

I’ve asked you countless times
To give me something good
And everytime you did
But never what I asked you for

So when you count my crimes
I’m thinking that you should
Be ready to admit
You could have shown another door

———-

She says that she might soon be dead
You plan to tell her that she won’t?
If you’re about to say that, don’t!
You better trust her word instead

———-

Weird weird sex
Unexpected
But protected
Over quickly
And the mattress
Like my fat ass
Wet and sticky

———-

The guy is a player, by circumstance, not by choice
Be careful to judge him, he has a heart and a voice
Your own made-up labels, you know they’re rarely a fit
When knowledge is lacking, everyone tends to talk shit

———-

Ich hätte so viel zu geben
So viel Support und Zärtlichkeit
Aufmerksamkeit und so viel Zeit
Die Hälfte von meinem Leben

Es gäb so viel was ich könnte
Weiß wie man küsst voll Sinnlichkeit
Mein ganzer Körper wär bereit
Wenn man ihm etwas Zeit gönnte

Ich bin was viele erhoffen
Kommuniziere, höre zu
Ein Wir anstatt ein Ich und Du
Ließ wenig Wünsche dir offen

Ließ dich vor Leidenschaft glühen
Erforschten uns’re Lust zu zweit
Wär dir ein Freund auf alle Zeit
Jedoch du lässt mich verblühen

———-

“Happiness is a choice”
What a self-righteous thing to say
These damn words, they still sting today
And I just want to scream
At the top of my voice
Tell you “No, you don’t feel the same”
Tell you “I do not need your blame”
I’m much worse than I seem

“We all have shitty days”
How insensitive you can be
How outrageous to say to me
That it’s all in my head
Well, of course that’s the case
But it’s killing me anyway
If to you that is all okay
Don’t dare moarn once I’m dead

———-

They died because of you
They died because you didn’t see them
Denied the pain it was to be them
And even told them what to do
And told them how to feel
And said it wasn’t devastating
That there was cause for celebrating
That all their ache was no big deal
And you’ll deny it’s true
You’ll say you never could have known it
If they were hurt, they should have shown it
But still they died because of you

———-

They didn’t die because of you
It had with them alone to do
And with their lives, and with their choices
And all those silent nagging voices
And with the paths that they were walking
The lack of action, lack of talking
The overwhelming disillusion
With seeing clear or with confusion
With how they thought they should be looking
And with neglect or overcooking
With feeling helpless, weak, unworthy
Or too annoying, boring, curvy
Too slutty, prudish, left alone
And too far gone to weep or moan
If there was nothing you could do
They didn’t die because of you

———-

All this frustration
So few ways to end it
It’s so loud today
But no one’s really screaming
The medication
As I understand it
Scares the cloud away
But doesn’t offer meaning

———-

Whatever I touch
Dissolves into ash
If I care too much
I know it will crash

Whatever I do
I tear things apart
When my life is through
I’ll only be art

———-

Surely dying is not the worst choice
Life’s almost begging for termination
Always crying with barely a voice
I just can’t stand any more frustration

Surely people would not understand
They’d say it’s selfish to pull the trigger
But at least it would be in my hand
And all the pain here is so much bigger

———-

I wanna throw up
All the waiting and loneliness
All the games and the pointlessness
It’s long been enough

How can I grow up
When there’s nothing I’ll ever reach
Nothing worthy that I can teach
I’ll never be tough

———-

How can you ask me to trust you
How can you think that’s okay
When I have trusted too often
And every time had to pay

How can you think I’ll believe you
When I’ve been lied to before
How can you ask me to do this
These doubts I cannot ignore

———-

No, this time I will not do it
I’ve made this mistake before
And unless you force me to it
I won’t do it anymore

———-

I’m not a fair-weather friend
There’s just no way I could be
Because you know in the end
There’s no fair weather for me

I’m not just there when you shine
I’m not just there when you rain
Within this life that is mine
There’s understanding of pain

———-

Well, what can you expect
After all that you’ve seen
No one’s conscience is clean
No one’s spine is erect

Some will say what they mean
Some say nothing at all
None deserve to stand tall
Most just manage to lean

———-

Why even bother? Why even live?
One way or another, life takes and I give
Why still take showers? Why even try?
Each day’s endless hours can’t seem to go by

———-

I’ve seen the end of the road
It’s not spectacular at all
It’s such small steps that make you fall
Into the night

So yes, I can understand
What you think only you can feel
To me it’s once been just as real
But I’m alright

———-

Depression, failure, loneliness.
A perfect combination.
All actions, one can only guess,
Will lead to more frustration.

Depression, crying, feeling lost.
Despair and no illusions.
Life comes at much too high a cost
And change is self-delusion.

———-

You’re getting less affectionate
I feel the slightest changes
And dealing with rejection is
No strength of mine per se
There’s someone else, I know it well
It feels as if we’re strangers
I guess that only time can tell
If we will be okay

———-

It’s way too hot outside
I get up in the afternoon
The end of day can’t come too soon
I stay inside and hide

When I get back to sleep
I try to blend in with the night
Where nobody can see me fight
Or notice how I weep

———-

She’s always fantasized about
How she would make her last day great
One final time alive and loud
For consequences way too late

She’s planned it, thought the whole day through
How she would reach her final breath
But in the end all she will do
Is lie around and wait for death

———-

I’m told that beer tastes just like piss
Smells like it too
It must be true
Then why are they still drinking this?
So weird to me
A mystery

———-

Did you insult me to make me hate you?
To keep us distant, not just apart?
To guide my steps just like loss or fate do?
To make new room in this worn-out heart?

———-

Why does a girl with perfect shape
Have “plus size” printed on her shirts?
Why does a guy consumed by ache
Have to pretend that nothing hurts?
Why do they say you’ll never need
Another soul to be okay?
Why is this all still going on?
Why is this still a thing today?

———-

I haven’t seen your face in years
And hope I never will
I’d hate you if I could
You brought anxiety and tears
Of which I suffer still
You fucked me up for good

But if you came to me tonight
I guess I’d sleep with you
Ignoring our past
I’ve had enough of our fight
Love was so deep with you
But still it couldn’t last

———-

I’ve made mistakes
But not enough
To justify you leaving
Do what it takes
For those you love
Or else there will be grieving

———-

I can’t afford dignity
I’d beg you to eat with me
Tonight, any given day
I’d beg if it meant you’d stay

———-

Getting out of bed for two hours is enough, right?
Getting out at all can sometimes be such a tough fight
Getting what you want is a hope that you have buried
Getting out of here, getting rich and getting married

———-

You can’t decide which ones are worse
The working days, a constant curse
The empty weekends, time to kill
They might be worse to deal with still

———-

Tortured all day
Asking myself what you’re doing
Needless to say
I do not care who you’re screwing
Don’t need a name
I see their bodies quite clearly
They’re all the same
Point is that you are not near me

———-

Oh how I wish I wanted you
I want to want you so bad
I know that thought has haunted you
I know I’m making you sad

Oh how I wish I’d fall for you
We’ve got so much going on
I’d love to give my all for you
If only you were the one

———-

There’s poetry in everything
It’s not that hard to find in spring
You barely need to look around
There’s plenty lying on the ground

There’s footprints, flowers, cigarets
Half chewed up baseballs left by pets
There’s plastic bags and condoms (yuck!)
Because, let’s face it, people suck

———-

A monkey met a pig one day
And asked the pig, “Are you okay?”
Pig wasn’t really in the mood
It found the question rather rude

———-

I just want out, but don’t know where
And if I did, I would be there
There’s nothing here that keeps alive
I’d leave it gladly to survive
There isn’t much that I would lose
But I stay here ’cause there’s no use
I can’t outrun my agony
My demons live inside of me
And where I go, they follow too
That’s why I might not make it through

———-

Would be fun to end my life
See what it does to those who never
Find the time to spend with me
They should feel guilty till forever

I showed all the signs there are
No one can say they didn’t see it
If it really fucks them up
Thats’s what they sowed and reaped, believe it

———-

When her last day came
She asked seven friends
To meet her and lend her some time

They all said the same
And in their defense
A full schedule isn’t a crime

Her schedule was blank
And had been for days
So she was alone with her mind

The pills that she drank
Brought her to a place,
We only can hope, less unkind

———-

It seems again like
Nobody wants to
Give you their time or more
Every day’s black and
Nobody wants you
Just like it’s been before

———-

You crave my dick
Then dig my grave
You change without a warning

The goods you had
The heart I gave
It didn’t last till morning

———-

You get paid for what should be pleasure
Getting laid, but it’s not your leisure
You undress before I can do it
I would help, but you beat me to it
You’re not wet and it’s irritating
It’s just work, which I find frustrating
When we touch, it’s just not arousing
I paid much for some pussy browsing

———-

Tears, what are you waiting for?
Here’s another cause for you
Cause it’s you I’m praying for
For what else is there to do?

———-

First you say yes
Then you disappear
It causes stress
Were you really here?

First you agree
Then you’re simply gone
Say, is it me
Or what’s going on?

———-

Life could have been easy
But that’s not inspiring
An easy life won’t make you sensitive

Despair’s not beneath me
And life’s pretty tiring
It’s all in a way quite compensative

———-

Another lonely night without you
And I try not to think about you
Of course that’s pointless and pathetic
So I stay restless and erratic

———-

A boy met a man and he asked him to smile
The man found this odd, so he pondered a while
While he was still thinking, the boy moved along
And smiled for he thought all the thinking was wrong

———-

You always have to do things by yourself
I don’t know who you think you must convince
I guess that you failed once and ever since
You never let another person help

———-

DIE WARE LIEBE

So viele suchen
Die Ware Liebe
Die sie dann buchen
Für ihre Triebe
Und was sie finden
Sind leere Hüllen
Die sie mit blinden
Begehren füllen

———-

Another pair of breasts revealed
Her motivations still concealed
Another belly touching mine
My hands run down another spine
Another kiss, another taste
Another heart will go to waste
Another moan, another sigh
Another dawning rushed good-bye

———-

Again I’m missing the light
I’m stretching out every night
I won’t get up before noon
The day still comes way too soon

———-

When she loves, she loves completely
I can see it in her look
More than in the way she treats me
She just reads me like a book

When we kiss, it’s pure perfection
How I take her breath away
Every move shows her affection
Every look says That’s the way

———-

Do you still think of me sometimes
And of the pain I caused you years ago
Back when you thought you could be mine
And had to hear me say It isn’t so

Do you recall the fun we had
And how I tasted, how I made you laugh
Out in the grass and in my bed
While we both thought we were enough

I wish you could see
How it’s always me
How I destroy the things I need
Not out of greed but of despair

I hope that you know
When I let you go
I was too broken, down and low
It doesn’t mean I didn’t care

———-

You and I, we were almost the same
At least in our mistakes
It seems that’s not what it takes
And today all I know is your name

———-

We all make bad choices, believe me, we do
And not that it matters, but I’ve made a few
Sometimes I could tell that my choice would be bad
Ignoring the voices, I still went ahead

What I regret most is the pain that I caused
So now you might ask me why I never paused
If I knew my choices would cause me to lose
The truth is, sometimes there’s just one way to choose

———-

The way you love
It’s an acquired taste
You make us fly with haste
No time for doubt

We’re not enough
No one will ever do
And what we had with you
We’ll die without

—–

—–

One day you’ll die
And it will all have been for nothing
Laugh now or cry
Be who you are, a jerk or loving
One day you’ll go
And then this Earth will soon forget it
Feel high or low
Once you are gone, you won’t regret it

———-

You’re sitting on the couch next to me
And you’re breaking down completely
You’re one small lump of pure misery
And I’m just the same, believe me

This time I won’t be comforting you
Worse yet, I will leave you broken
The choice I made, I must see it through
With so many things unspoken

———-

I see so much of me in you
I wonder if you see it too
You tell me things I’ve often said
Share with me thoughts I’ve often had
But we are different all the same
Not just in looks, in age or name
Some of the things you do I mind
Still what we have is hard to find

———-

I don’t know if that’s important
But you made me laugh a lot
And since life is all but pleasant
Maybe laughing’s all I’ve got

I don’t know if you agree here
But I think we are a fit
You don’t always have to be here
But you help me deal with shit

———-

To hold someone who loves it
And feels calmed down by my touch
To help them face life’s rough shit
My God, I miss it so much

———-

I like you, but not in that way
I’m sorry you thought I did
I’m sorry I caused a bad day
I’m sorry you feel like shit

I like you like I like chocolate
But that’s all there is to that
You wish now that we had not met
I’m sorry I caused regret

———-

What if we waste all we’ve got while we’re waiting to live?
What if all life will give us is this?
If what we want is a wonder, not more than a myth
What’s the point? We can’t change what we miss.

———-

We’re much alike, you and I
Your day is sad and I cry
Your happy face makes me smile
And I’m okay for a while

We’re much alike, me and you
You love the things that I do
And I despise what you hate
If it exists, this is fate

———-

America first
But why do we follow
America’s thirst
And lifestyle so hollow?
There’s nothing much there
The world should admire
This isn’t a state
To which to aspire
The States used to be
A great inspiration
But now seem to me
A pitiful nation
There’s always some war
The water’s unhealthy
I would expect more
From nations that wealthy
Good people with jobs
Can’t go to the dentist
The school system robs
The kids of their chances
The problems at large
They seem twice as bitter
When someone in charge
Is married to Twitter

———-

I don’t know many women without those scars
But they usually don’t seek the spotlight
I know silence is deadly as guns or cars
Words are meaningful, that much you’ve got right
You just sound like you think that it’s only you
I must stop you right there, ’cause that’s nonsense
If you say we must talk about things, that’s true
But I don’t want more deaths on my conscience
It’s too much if you tell everyone you see
How you’re cutting yourself on the forearm
And no matter how eager you seem to be
You’re not helping, you’re just causing more harm

———-

Passive aggressive
And actively passive
He’s busy with nothing
I don’t think he loves it

Quit so impulsive
Impatiently quiet
He’s longing for sugar
But he’s on a diet

———-

Oh how I loved loving you
How I loved loving someone
Waking up next to a body
That wouldn’t want to be anyplace else
Kissing lips so damn familiar
Like nothing else in the world tastes or smells

It didn’t have to be you
It just had to be someone
Who would know me like you knew me
Inside and out like the back of their hand
Who would know how I was feeling
Who wouldn’t want me as much as demand

———-

Disappointment left and right
It’s alright, I’ve learned to stand it
Parts of me will still defend it
Moving on, it’s out of sight

Broken promises and dreams
It all seems so underwhelming
All these friend-ships I’ve been helming
Couldn’t stand against the streams

———-

You blame the world for your failures
Which I’m supposed to ignore
I’ll play the scapegoat to save us
From moods I know could be more

I’m not immune to your beatings
I’m not convinced I should be
But I hold still while believing
That you’ll be grateful for me

———-

Sixteen, troubled, raped
Desperate, expecting
If her parents knew
There’d be no protecting
Can’t just run away
Where would she be going?
She’s prepared to jump
Final tears are flowing
No, she won’t give birth
To this monster’s semen
How is this pro life?
She must kill this demon

———-

I hate the change without a Why
We used to hug to say good-bye
Now it’s just kisses left and right
No more embrace, no holding tight

And I don’t know what caused the change
But it feels painful, it’s so strange
I thought that we had something there
Now it has moved without a Where

———-

Hold my heart, hold me hostage
Don’t hold on to the past
Give them reasons to gossip
Give me something that lasts

———-

It’s slippery outside
The stairway is a slide
It’s fun to watch the masses
They all land on their asses

———-

Your soft pink lips are
Intoxicating
You’re raising my bar
It’s liberating
The way you taste is
Like liquid pleasure
It’s such a soft kiss
But full of pressure
I know that you tease
You can afford it
Oh show me more please
You’ll be rewarded

———-

Far too long
You’ve been strong
For whatever that means
I could be wrong but it seems
You’re moving on

Day by day
On your way
You’ve been trying to flee
But I can say that to me
You seem okay

———-

Swallow pain
What’s to gain?
Who will say you’re brave?
No one knows
What you chose
Or how much you gave

———-

Nothing to look forward to
Glad when it’s all over
Others have a drink or two
I am always sober
Don’t know how they’re doing it
Those who seem to make it
I’m so done with feeling shit
Way too down to fake it

———-

We all have our demons
And sometimes they act
That’s rarely a good thing
And that’s just a fact

They make us do things that
Are less than okay
To someone who thinks that
We’re always that way

———-

It’s quite amazing
Much like a daydream
That’s come to stay

And since we’re dating
I’m celebrating
Each night and day

———-

Put some tape on my mouth
Put a collar to my throat
Make me kneel or make me crouch
And be gentle

Stroke my hair with your palm
Give me words that I will quote
Wait in silence till I’m calm
Sentimental

Put your pressure on me
Float my flesh with fresh new ache
Make me feel you, let me be
Yours completely

Put my shell to the test
But make sure that I won’t break
That this life that tries its best
Can’t defeat me

———-

Tie me up and tell me to be still
Let my body open to your will
Spread my legs and enter me so deep
Pull my hair, leave scratches, make me weep

Tie my hands together, part my lips
Then command my thighs around your hips
Make me watch in silence every thrust
Till I’m filled with proof of our lust

———-

Where is the light?
It’s so dark tonight
It’s supposed to be bright
Is it not?

And it’s hot for December
So I barely remember
All the snow we had got
Long ago

———-

What they want from you is a lot
And everyone in their own unique way
They all ask for more than you’ve got
And everyone thinks their needs are okay
If you really were what they thought
Wouldn’t it seem like you’re easy to find
If you were, you’d surely get caught
Or everyone’s either stupid or blind

———-

You taste so much better than others
Your love drops, your breath and your sweat
And I couldn’t help being thirsty
And craving your taste since we met

You love so much better than they do
Your body does things they don’t know
It answers the calls of my movements
If gentle or hard, fast or slow

Without even trying you’re better
But that doesn’t matter today
God knows that I’ve met you too often
And I know that I’ll be okay

———-

I won’t hold you anymore
Because what for?
Why would I try to catch you
When you jump again?
Why would I try to dry your cheek
Why would I speak
To you at all?
I’ll let you fall this time
I’ll let you fall

———-

Loving you is not the way
I will have to stop today
Rip my heart out, nice and clean
Then unsee the things I’ve seen
I’ll forget you’re beautiful
No regret, we’re through, it’s cool
I’ll forget the awesome sex
File you under “awful ex”
Then I’ll smile again and say
“I stopped loving you today”

———-

Time’s flying by, and still the future won’t come nearer
Hard as you try, you cannot get your visions clearer
Constantly told that you’ve got time, though luck has been slow
You’re feeling old and you’re afraid you missed your window

———-

It’s okay to fail
Cause we all do it frequently
It’s okay to bail
If there’s a place you need to be
It’s okay to lose
To feel like you might go insane
It’s okay to choose
The thing you know will bring you pain
It’s okay to talk
When others think that you’re a bore
It’s okay to walk
Where no one’s ever gone before
It’s okay to weep
When you are desperate or sick
When the pain goes deep
You are allowed to be a dick

———-

Right, I almost forgot
It’s supposed to be my fault
When it really is not
You’re delusional

This is just what you do
You keep launching your assaults
Till we can’t be with you
So you lose it all

———-

He left you
You’re broken
He didn’t even say why
Your pleas stay
Unspoken
Put on your sweatpants and cry
Lie with me
That’s alright
I won’t be talking at all
I’ll listen
And tonight
You are allowed to feel small

———-

Her fingernails are black
Small piercing in her nose
She’s bringing gothic back
But she’s not one of those
She’s playing with her hair
Her smile so absent-minded
It must be pleasant there
The place she went to find it
The thing that we all need
That real life rarely gives us
Her dreams and longings lead
That’s why she’s barely with us

———-

Idiots, idiots everywhere!
I can’t take care of everything
They act like kids
Embarrassing
And I’m supposed to make them think
It’s shattering
I’m done, take care
Start being fair
Be nice and share
Admit right there you’re idiots
Idiots everywhere!

———-

They’re all too loud, too much, too many
You need your people few, if any
They’re noisy, violent and nosy
It’s suffocating, all but cozy
A subway ride is hard to handle
You’re such a weak, small light, a candle
The world is stormy, you can’t take it
You’re petrified now, you can’t fake it
Your smile is icy, steps all stiff now
You feel like jumping off a cliff now
Your chest is tightening, you’re crying
At least you think you are, you’re trying
The crowd is way too much, too busy
You run, you stop, you breathe, all dizzy

———-

It doesn’t matter if I love you
Or if I miss you every night
If every day is lost without you
If only you could shed some light
It doesn’t matter if I think that
You’re still amazing, beautiful
The way you move me is no secret
You broke my trust, you broke the rule

———-

I’m done with your abuse
I won’t take any further blame
There’s nothing left to lose
And love is no whodunit game

Too much I’ve understood
You’ll get no understanding now
Though much of it was good
My time with you must end somehow

You may not wish me harm
But you’re destructive in your ways
Your sweetness and your charm
Won’t violate my mind these days

———-

“Fuck,” you mouth, and I agree
You’re breathless, sweaty, just like me
A hickey on your naked breast
We were busy, now we rest

“Fuck,” I think, I meet your look
Both lying on the bed we shook
“I feel like falling,” you explain
“And I just met you. It’s insane.”

But while my body needs a break
I feel the longing, almost ache
“I’m falling too,” I say at last
I’ve never been in love this fast

———-

You’re more than a hottie
But less than my missis
Your juvenile body
Your soft, longing kisses
Your taste captivating
Your moves full of passion
When we’re copulating
It’s art more than fashion
You’re vibrantly beaming
I’m lost in your pupils
So hot when you’re screaming
My Goddess, my blue pills

———-

I see more than you think
I hear more than you want me to
If I’m back on the brink
It’s because of you

You won’t understand why
You don’t hear when you’re hurting me
Why you won’t see me cry
Though you burden me

———-

Never in my life have I met a guy with so much pride
Never once before have I seen such basic things denied
Never have I though that a face so nice could make me sick
Never in my life have I met a clever mind so thick

Never did I know what it’s like to feel all left alone
When you’re faced with words thrown at you in such a judging tone
Here I stand unarmed staring with my mouth all open wide
Never in my life have I met a guy with so much pride

———-

How beautiful I was when he left me
As if I was discovered anew
For far too long his presence depressed me
Now I can stretch my legs and I do

How beautiful to live in the moment
And never compromise me again
I’ve walked my miles of silent condonement
No more will I hold back for a man

———-

He may not be my future but at least he’s not the past
He’s none of those who crippled me with memories that last
He’s not the man who broke my heart again to prove a point
He’s not the one who kept me when we long were out of joint

We may not last forever but at least we’re good for now
At least when I’ll remember him, it will be good somehow
We’re not the perfect couple and we’re not a perfect fit
But in the end what counts is he won’t make me feel like shit

———-

Twisting reality
Some people’s specialty
Always ignoring
The true or the boring
Outright profanity
Hides insecurity
Though they deserve it
The fight isn’t worth it

———-

I changed my sheets today
Because they shouldn’t smell like you
For weeks you’ve been away
And this is what I have to do
I think it’s fair to say
That you’ve fucked up my trust for good
And I will be okay
Just like we both knew that I would

———-

I don’t want to think about
How your perfect, gentle lips
Caress another person’s body now
In my head I scream and shout
While I’m silent to the world that has never felt your kiss

I’m not ready to admit
How your soft, and childlike skin
Could make me feel so much alive somehow
How today I feel like shit
While I’m smiling to the world that can’t give me what I miss

———-

Now, this one’s about you
The last one was not
I’d be dead without you
Thank God I was caught
I no longer need you
But I like you lots
What madness could lead you
To think those my thoughts?
Why would you believe that
You don’t turn me on?
Why don’t you conceive that
When we’re one on one?
I write ’cause I love it
Or need it, I guess
But I’m not above shit
Creating a mess
I’m sorry I caused you
Frustration or pain
It wasn’t about you
I’m sorry again

———-

Damn, I miss those mornings
When I had to get up
But could steal a few extra minutes
Under the blanket with you
You would still be sleeping
Both so soft and so warm
And I’d hold you so close, so gently
That’s all I’m longing to do

———-

I know, I know, I know
I shouldn’t be upset
I knew it had to go
And this is what I get

I know it’s only fair
And I should not complain
How much you hope or care
Some states just can’t remain

———-

I wish I liked the way you taste and smell
And that is something I could never tell
Cause no one wants to be the one
Who doesn’t taste good

One look at you, one word, one simple touch
Should be enough to make me want too much
And all it takes to get me high
The way your taste should

———-

Although your body wasn’t perfect
You had this aura full of sex
Your most experienced of movements
Made you intense and so complex

You loved your life the way you lived it
With pleasure always on your mind
You pushed my body to its limits
In ways most people never find

You were no model, were no princess
You were a Goddess in your ranks
You blew my mind, you blew my body
And screamed and trembled to my Thanks

———-

Binge eating, binge thinking
Thank God I’m not drinking
If I was a drinker
I’d sink to my grave

Binge sleeping, binge speaking
My voice close to shrieking
Can’t lower my guard but
It’s hard to behave

———-

You’re a parasite
Living off my life
And I eat for two
Fighting to survive
You’re a parasite
When my organs spin
It’s because they’re gone
You’re beneath my skin
You’re a parasite
Living off my flesh
Living off my time
While I’m strong and fresh
When I’m hollowed out
I’ll be left for dead
And another host
Will be loved instead

———-

My toes touch your legs under the blanket
Your focus is on my TV
I hope for a signal that I can’t get
Your legs are not reaching for me

I’ve tried everything that I can think of
Except for just speaking out loud
My throat won’t produce more than a thin cough
Tonight I will end up without

———-

You’re pretty and you know it
You show it to your fans
The online world’s your kingdom
It bows to your demands

Your face is your big asset
Your skinny hips don’t hurt
To get the things you ask for
You barely need to flirt

Though no one could imagine
You’re terrified at night
Your nightmares show a future
Without your pretty sight

———-

I close my eyes
I’m waiting
I’m waiting for your lips

It’s all been lies
I hate it
The gambler lost his chips

I take a breath
I miss you
Your perfume in the air

A peaceful death
To kiss you
To act like you still care

———-

There’s snow in the air
Melting before it hits the ground
There’s beauty right there
Dying before it can be found

I want to reach out
But I would melt it just the same
I’m longing to shout
But have to bottle up your blame

———-

I am staring at the ceiling
LED lights hurt my eyes
I don’t know what I am feeling
And it’s really no surprise
That I’m empty and imploding
That I’m scared of life as such
That my lifelines are corroding
That it’s all too loud, too much
Then a hand comes to my sight field
And I’m sheltered from the glare
As your fingers form a tight shield
And they intercept my stare
You just look at me in silence
Then say, “Honey, you are home”
And I know that with your guidance
I will never have to roam

———-

I don’t feel loved, nor am I wanted
Please stop assuring me I am
I know I’m nice, I know you like me
That’s not enough

I feel so lonely and so ugly
And I don’t care if you agree
I wish that someone good could drug me
With all their love

———-

Play all you want with my heart, with my mind, with my lungs, with your tongue, with my patience.
Play with your toy, stupid boy, mindless joy, mind less coy, more made up, more sensations.
Play with my thoughts, with my words, if it hurts, turn me off, turn me in, turn me over.
Pray that I’ll never be clean, you’re so mean, I’ll get back, I’ll attack once I’m sober.

———-

Please just tell me how to live
And I don’t mean contentwise
Show me how to be alive
Not how to spend it

I know something’s gotta give
Me or life, it’s no surprise
Let a better time arrive
Or please just end it

———-

I remember
How they put me down
Smashed me with their crown
Watched me crawl

And you let them
Let them lie to you
Let me die for you
Watched me fall

———-

Lasagna’s in the oven and cake is in the fridge
I’m really looking forward, but don’t quite know to which
Weird people think that eating’s a necessary task
For me a decent meal is almost too much to ask

———-

I ask myself, my mind, my memory
To list the conquests that I caught
Can I recall who made me carefree
And played a necessary part?

As for today, I’m done with dating
I’m contemplating things I thought
I’m done with frust- or overrating
The ones who won my worn-out heart

———-

I wish life was somewhat better
I don’t even know how
Then again, it wouldn’t matter
If I knew

I wish I would cease to perish
And enjoy my life now
I wish I could somehow cherish
What I do

———-

Most know how to appreciate a hand
What’s not to like? Most hands are really nice
But if I want to probe your foreign land
The upper part alone just won’t suffice
Soft feet are delicate erotic toys
Those tiny toes a playground for my lips
So tempting for my mouth, so it enjoys
The licking and the sucking of its tips
Most know how to appreciate a breast
Or all the fun that waits between your thighs
I like to put your patience to the test
I’ll work my way around, then claim my prize

———-

It’s been a while since darkness called
The medication keeps it calm
Is this how I am getting old?
I see the wrinkles on my palm
I don’t feel bad, I don’t feel much
And in a way that’s quite alright
Until I’m longing for your touch
When I’m awake alone at night

———-

I met you and I loved you
As simple as it sounds
Of course the end was rough too
But not the first few rounds

I called you, I was nervous
We talked for half a day
Till we ran out of service
Or had too much to pay

I wrote you and you wrote me
Those stories, letters, lists
For what it’s worth, you showed me
That what I want exists

———-

He’s almost still a child
His hormones racing wild
First stubble on his chin
He’s everything I’ve been

And what he wants is clear
He’s leaning in too near
An androgynous boy
A sweet and tempting joy

The shower that we share
Will rinse all longing bare
No stains to prove what’s done
When we depart and run

———-

She called me soothing
Then she fell asleep
Her chest was moving
And her breaths were deep
The smell of berries
In her reddish hair
A view to cherish
In the summer air

She called me soothing
Then she closed her eyes
My mood improving
To her peaceful sighs
The smell of summer
And a view so fine
It’s such a bummer
That she isn’t mine

———-

It’s over.
All bullets flown, all chances blown.
All questions asked, all answers known.
All cross-ways passed, all mercy shown.

It’s over.
All blows are dealt, all punches felt.
Hearts need a lot of heat to melt.
Now all we’ve got’s below the belt.

———-

I’m going down and down for good
Would you follow if you could?
Would you hold my hand and wait
Till I’m cold, till it’s too late?
Would you grab my hand and pull?
Would you follow a man so hollow?
Would you come?
With me?
Would you come?
For me?
Or would you go?

———-

You used to sleep in my bed
And you slept deep in my arm
And I felt home and made sure
That you would know

You used to write me cute notes
And to invite me on trips
Oh God, I loved you so much
So long ago

You used to be everything
That I could see, taste and smell
I made you know me so well
I helped you grow

We used to ponder the world
And had such wonderful nights
Oh damn, I loved you so much
So long ago

———-

You’ve known my heart
With all its holes
With all its tunnels
And hidden chambers

Right from the start
You’ve seen its goals
You’ve understood

You’ve known my head
With all its cracks
With all its brilliance
And all its errors

Since all is said
My soul is sad
We’re gone for good

—–

—–

We could go to bed now
I see how you want it
And I sure feel tempted
It’s been quite a while

You’re cute and you’re sexy
And ready to show it
You’re good at this, no shit
It’s all in your smile

I’ve done this so often
It’s barely a reflex
So simple, just wild sex
I guess it’s my style

But I’ve grown too bitter
To just use your body
I used to be naughty
But now it seems vile

———-

That one guy, let’s call him Jack
Was hurt a couple years back
The other one, let’s say Joe
Got single two weeks ago
And now they’re both in this bar
Cliché, but yet here they are
And both think life has been rough
And both are pouring down stuff
Then Joe is ordering fries
Which somehow catches Jack’s eyes
Who mentally flips a coin
And finds the courage to join
Joe eyes the man he just met
He’s curious, not upset
And so they’re starting to talk
Still going on as they walk
When stopped in front of Joe’s door
Jack’s scared like never before
One more coin flipped and he dares
To follow Joe up the stairs
The night goes by like a blur
Now both are not who they were
What happened – Who really cares?
Attend your own lives, not theirs

———-

Intelligence in his look
That’s almost all that it took
A few soft strokes of his hand
Made sure he might understand
A wicked wink in his smile
His company is worthwhile
So maybe he’ll be the one
To go where no one has gone
With all the time that it took
He’s worth that rare closer look

———-

You meet this guy, you like him
His biceps makes you sweat
It tickles when you touch him
He’s grinning and you’re wet

You don’t have much to lose yet
But there are things to gain
Right now, your place, you choose it
The longing feels insane

You walk, you drink, you kiss him
He’s shy but you are not
You pull his hair, undress him
You’ll show him what you’ve got

He’s getting warm, he’s moving
He dives between your legs
You have him work, it’s soothing
Your muscles need to flex

———-

If I’m to listen to my heart like that song says
Why is my heart so often wrong and so dumb?
And once again I’m left with faking a strong face
Until the muscles in my cheeks all go numb

Why can’t I listen to my head that’s quite clever?
Why can’t I choose what seems ideal to my mind?
Why can’t I pick the better paths, ’cause I never
What kind of wonder am I hoping to find?

———-

I’ve heard of happiness
It sounds quite cool
I’m not too pleased with less
Not as a rule

I’ve heard of honest laughs
They sound like fun
I’ve heard of lives one loves
How is that done?

———-

Some days you can’t get out of bed
Some days you want to crawl back in
And then you stall, you eat instead
But your excuses soon run thin
What else is there to do but sleep
Or overthink the Then and Now?
Much too indifferent to weep
You want to change but don’t know how

———-

I’ve been meaning to write, but I just can’t be bothered
I’m a miserable sight, I feel smothered
By my own dreary days, by the blankets that hide me
It’s not bad in this case, book beside me

———-

I lie down
I shut my eyes
Then I imagine your palm
Where my fingers start caressing
I act like they’re yours
And I breathe
Soft moans and sighs
I try to dream and stay calm
Where my body’s met with blessing
It answers of course

Warm and wet
I open wide
Then let your fingers slip in
Truth and fantasy are melding
Like I am with you
And I shake
And you’re inside
My self-restraint’s wearing thin
Wounds tear up that need no welding
Can’t tell what is true

———-

I got used to saying “We got bacon at home”
When I talked to you
Now it’s me who’s paying and who’s eating alone
Cause I walked from you
It took months accepting that it’s us and not me
But I got it done
Now I’m reconnecting with what I used to be
And with having fun

———-

I won’t stand for this
It’s not who I am
I die in your kiss
Each one is a scam
I can’t let you go
But God knows I will
Got pride still to show
And fears still to kill
It’s truth I demand
It’s peace that I miss
Though barely I stand
I won’t stand for this

———-

Another person I almost got to know
Another wall constructed, and carefully so
You built it up and now I’m supposed to climb
And while that’s always temping, I’m lacking the time

Another person I’d almost call a friend
But I don’t really know you that well in the end
You mimic happiness and it makes me sad
And while I don’t believe you, I guess that’s my bad

Another person I wish that I could trust
But I’ll accept your lies and your smiles if I must
Guess you’ve been hurt too often, had to be strong
And while I wish I didn’t, I’ll just play along

———-

I’ve been floating
Without an anker
Most of my life
And I don’t look so lost
I suppose
Only once in a while

I’ve been drifting
Without direction
Most of the time
But I manage to live
In a way
Doesn’t mean that I’m fine

I’ve been moving
Without a compass
Most of my miles
Where I wanted to go
It is clear
I’m not anywhere near

———-

I overthink
And then I talk
It’s crucial to communicate
A skill that you don’t demonstrate
You’re pissed, you walk
Without a blink

I need to know
That I can trust
Your will to tell me quietly
What’s wrong; instead you lie to me
You don’t adjust
You won’t let go

I’m weak, you see
But I have learned
To put my feelings into words
To rationally say what hurts
I wish I’d earned
The same toward me

———-

They used to want you above all else
They used to give you all their time
And now you almost have to beg
For a single minute

They used to think that you’re worth the fight
They used to dream of you each night
And now it almost feels as if
They find you annoying

You’re an intruder, or so it seems
A friendly face that waits in line
They’ve gotten over you at last
It was you who made them

———-

I hate this body so much
And every hair that’s wrong enrages me
I touch those failures constantly
The flaws that make me up
Disgusting being

And every time I fight this figure
It’s like I trigger something worse
A crawling curse
In every mirror, every window
Prevents unseeing

And I keep fleeing
And I keep trying, I fight
I eat what’s right
Work out, have patience
But not for long
I’m not that strong
And after few days of almost liking my face
You might think the worst part’s over
It’s never over
Unless I’m too

———-

I wanted to show you all that I’ve been
I wanted to tell you all that I’ve seen
I wanted to know you like no one’s ever done
But time doesn’t stop and our time is gone

I wanted to hold you when you’re not well
Whatever the matter, me you could tell
I wanted to comfort the best thing that I’ve got
But after this time I know I will not

I wanted to travel, show you the land
That makes me feel home like holding your hand
I wanted to share this and all that I adore
But now it is clear I won’t anymore

I wanted to kiss you all day and night
I wanted the bad days way out of sight
Whatever I wanted, I guess I went off track
I wasted our time, I won’t get it back

———-

You tried to love him, trust him, doubt him
But you just couldn’t care about him
No matter how intense the scene is
There’s no connection but his penis
You’re mostly moaning, scarcely speaking
And he’s inside you and he’s leaking
He will be gone within the hour
And you won’t even take a shower
The mattress damp, the man a dummy
No slightest spark within your tummy

———-

It was all so much easier then, wasn’t it?
Now it hurts to see pictures of them, doesn’t it?
Of those days when your smile wasn’t fake, just for me
When we laughed and we joked and we thought we could be
It was all so much easier then, but we knew
That it might get much harder and too hard to do
In the end, all those pictures remind me of days
When the joy that you seek was all over your face

———-

Who would have thought?
How all the air moved back in
The very moment we ended
And suddenly we could both breathe again

The peace returned
And I could see in your face
What I had missed all those moments
The gentle love for a difficult man

Somehow it’s sad
How we’re so perfect again
The very moment we ended
And suddenly we can both breathe again

If we returned
To what we wanted to be
I guarantee we would end up
In that exact same self-torture again

———-

Always the last one
Watching the rest
Achieving my goals before me
It hurts to be last, don’t you see?
I’m trying my best
But I’m last

Always the last one
Watching my friends
Living the dreams I still chase
Why would I smile to your face?
I wish you the best
Though I’m last

———-

Some love the summer sun.
Some say the heat is fun.
But I don’t feel like that.
I am, therefor I sweat.

———-

When you can barely make it out of bed
When you are devastated, not just sad
When every day’s the same and every night a curse
Don’t worry – Things will get worse

When you don’t like your hobbies like before
When you have turned from fun into a silent bore
When you don’t spend the money you’ve got in your purse
Don’t worry – Things will get worse

When you can’t find a decent rhyme for “bed”
And use some soggy word like “sad” instead
And when you can’t be bothered to make the third verse work
Then don’t. Just don’t.
Whatever.

———-

Not for a single moment did I want to die
It’s just that sometimes I can’t bear to live
And though it would be strange to go without goodbye
I couldn’t speak when something’s got to give

And everyone who tells me to be happy is
Insulting me and everything I am
If I was able to get close to happiness
Then surely parts of me would give a damn

Not for a single moment did I want to go
But staying’s way too hard to do some days
And when my time is up I may not tell you so
I wouldn’t go if we were face to face

And everyone who tells you how to feel is wrong
You know your feelings best, they have no say
Greet happiness from me, if it’s to come along
Don’t worry, if I go, it’s not today

———-

It took some years to really get it, how you felt
Trapped in between two worlds that you could never melt
It weren’t feelings but the actions that we chose
I could have been a bigger person, I suppose
That’s not to say that they were anything but wrong
All would have worked if loving me had made you strong
But you were used to something that I couldn’t give
And to a world in which you knew I couldn’t live
That’s not to say that what I gave you wasn’t great
I still believe I would have been a better fate
But fate is clearly not a thing that you can choose
And either way you had an awful lot to lose
I could have been a bigger person if I’d tried
And smiled at those who held the one I was denied
Those selfish bastards, blinded assholes, broken friends
Who took my everything away and tied my hands
It took some years to really get it, now I do
You didn’t want to join the fight surrounding you
You were too tired, felt too hopeless, saw no sense
Why spend your strength on something when you know it ends

———-

Sometimes the wrong ones are better than nothing
Sometimes they’re worse and you’re better alone
Sometimes you’re happy although you’re not laughing
Sometimes the message is all in the tone

Sometimes you run and don’t know where you’re going
Sometimes you’re walking all target ahead
Sometimes your thoughts and your feelings are showing
Sometimes they’re hidden inside you instead

Sometimes it’s clear you don’t know what you’re doing
Sometimes obsession will hold you in place
Sometimes you’re holding back words, sternly chewing
Sometimes they’re gushing all out of your face

Sometimes the right thing is clear and compelling
Sometimes you have to do wrong things instead
Sometimes it’s all just an act when you’re yelling
Sometimes you’re in it way over your head

Sometimes you know that sometimes you won’t know shit
Sometimes you think that you’re clever as hell
Sometimes it’s clear if you’ll manage or blow it
Sometimes there’s really no way you can tell

———-

Cheap, stupid pick-up line
Embarrassing and sleazy
Their hair all thin and greasy
Too many men are swine
These moments of shit occur
With drunken choirs cheering
Or that’s what she’s been hearing
No one’s ever hit on her

Round belly, acne face
No target for harassment
At least not with her ass bent
No lustful stranger’s gaze
She’s glad nothing’s going on
Those skinny girls, they haunt them
Disgusting creeps who want them
But why can’t she be the one?

———-

I’m sad
And I can’t change it
Or maybe I can
But I won’t

It’s bad
And you can’t change it
Or maybe you can
But you don’t

It hurts
It does too often
We know where it ends
But we wait

We’re scared
We are too often
Why making amends
It’s too late

———-

When Edmont sent his finest letter
His spirits changed much for the better
For Isobel would know at last
About the spell that she had cast

And Lady Isobel the Boring
Had no idea his hopes were soaring
When she went shopping to acquire
Some satin evening attire

———-

She who claims to understand you
Won’t defend you
And it’s clear she doesn’t know you
Not at all

She who says she gets your trouble
Makes it double
Do I really need to show you?
Make the call

She who thinks you’re kind of like her
Cause you like her
Hasn’t gone through what you’re dealing
With, my friend

She is nice and sympathetic
Not empathic
She won’t get the way you’re feeling
Make it end

———-

Always struggling, always fighting
We never seem to find our peace
Our words are often biting
When they are mostly meant to ease

Always struggling, always hurting
We never seem to get it right
Now it takes much less than flirting
To call up another fight

Always struggling, always trying
We both know well what got us here
And we both are past denying
Trust’s not driving us, it’s fear

———-

Again I walk home late
With few thoughts left, if any
And drops fall on my hat
But so far not too many
Again I walk alone
My empty head so pleasant
The future’s an ordeal
The present is a present

———-

I want to believe in a future
Where everyone works hand in hand
I really would like to believe that
No fights over oil, food or land
No laws that are based on religion
Acceptance of everything new
I wish I could trust in this vision
I wish I could say that I do
I wish it would no longer matter
If someone was born far or near
That no one would care if you’re praying
That no one would care if you’re queer
I wish I could trust in our leaders
To do what is best for the Earth
To rule with a merciful wisdom
Not guided by power or worth

———-

Cute little one, you were nosy
Chose me above your own kind
You’ll never know what it feels like
Us being left here behind

Cute little one, how I loved you
We could have been really close
You found this home worth exploring
You made it home, I suppose

———-

Oh boy
How do I tell her?
She makes my organs spin
Don’t know if that’s a good thing
Gosh, where do I begin?

Oh boy
How can I tell her?
I hate the guy she’s with
Don’t know if he’s a nice one
I’d hate him even if

———-

Should it bother me
When he’s close to you
When he holds you too
Should it bother me?

Should it bother me
When I read your mind
And it’s him I find
Should it bother me?

Should it bother me
When you find a way
To meet every day
That should bother me

———-

Once again you’re sent
To another land
Where you’re only meant
To promote your brand

You don’t like to stay
By yourself all day
So you dance, you play
And it feels okay

And this guy named Brent
He just takes your hand
And you understand
It’s a one night stand

You admit he’s cute
Rather suave, no brute
So you play his flute
Till the sounds turn mute

No good-bye, no fight
You get home alright
For a quiet night
And get on your flight

———-

It’s true, I guess
Frustrating, yes
We barely stay in touch
I’m not expecting much
You give me nothing

I know you hurt
I know you flirt
With ending things for good
Can’t tell you if you should
Or if you’re bluffing

Just go your way
I’ll be okay
Just spare me all the lying
I’ve made my peace with dying
But not with living

And it’s a shame
You feel the same
And choose your isolation
To know that your frustration
All comes from giving

———-

Slowly
Then faster
Your chest moves up and down

Call me
Your master
Who moves his tongue around

Gliding
In circles
And barely touching ground

Hiding
And lurking
Then working on your sound

Slowly
Then faster
My tongue invades your heat

Show me
Your master
How best to feed your needs

———-

So I guess you’re back with him
And I guess that’s good for you
Our star was always dim
But at least I stood by you

I don’t know if he’s aware
Of the sparkling gem he holds
And I guess I shouldn’t care
How your time with him unfolds

———-

Why is my mind so blank these days?
Eyes fixed on nothing, empty gaze
Why is my head so silent now?
Who can reverse this state and how?

———-

Aren’t you scared
To live in a system
Where they know everything?
Your bank account password
Your mail, where you’ve been?

Aren’t you scared
To live in a country
Where they think it’s okay
To keep a recording
Of all that you say?

Aren’t you scared
To live with the knowledge
That your leaders are sold
To corporate monsters
That can’t be controlled?

Aren’t you scared
To live in an era
Where that’s all coming true?
It’s slowly made legal
It’s all around you

———-

You’re so full of poison
And you’re spilling it everywhere
I wish you wouldn’t
But if you kept it inside, it would kill you
So you’re killing us all

You’re so full of poison
And you spit it at everything
With great precision
Sometimes I wonder if you even see it
How you’re killing us all

———-

Most rules of life can’t be applied to every single day
Some find it good to go, some safe to stay
And over time you’ll change your view on waiting and the past
The most intense of memories will last

Don’t sacrifice your present for a future you don’t know
If you are in a pleasant place, don’t go
Don’t kill the known and compromise the common when it’s gold
The special might get spoiled when it turns old

———-

You’re bringing out the worst in me
You’re not the first, I must agree
I threaten you, I’m being mean
It’s nothing that I’ve never been
I’m jealous and I don’t know why
I wish I wasn’t and I try
It’s not like I don’t really care
You’re something I don’t want to share
And you’re no saint, not even close
But in the end the one I chose
And you chose me, this choice we share
Though common ground is getting rare

———-

Some eat, you know, and they never gain weight
With their abs always straight while we struggle
Some starve and some vomit to look half as great
And not drop all the hate that they juggle

Some cut, you see, but it’s never themselves
While some others aim all their rage inward
Some die to be something you’d put on your shelves
Skin won’t show if it is of the thin sort

Some live, it seems, and it all just works out
Everything they set eyes on is settled
The rest of us watches and wonders about
How their spirits can always feel mettled

———-

She hasn’t been good to herself lately
She can’t expect others to be
She could drown her sorrow in wealth, maybe
But that never comes easily

She hasn’t been good to the world at all
The world hasn’t earned any treats
She rapes her own body, prepared to fall
Surprised how her blood pump still beats

———-

Repeating the same old mistakes
Doesn’t feel as pathetic in this time and age
It used to be bad to be wrong
Now you shrug with a sigh and you just play along

Trying to be what is you
Seems impossibly hard and so futile to do
What if your dreams are a trick
And you should have long noticed but you’re just too thick?

———-

Life’s still the same
It didn’t change
I really wish it did
Life’s still a game
That’s gross and strange
With too much on the grid

Life’s still the same
I’m still afraid
I’ll lose myself and more
And full of shame
I beg for aid
Much louder than before

———-

I’m sexy and you know it
It’s funny ’cause I don’t
You want me and you show it
And I could blush but won’t

You’re sexy, don’t you know it?
You don’t agree? Oh please!
So here’s your chance, don’t blow it
Be real, not just a tease

———-

I’m broken too
We all are
Sad or not, it’s true
The me I knew
Went so far
Fear and I both grew

You’re scared as hell
I know it
How I know that look
We both can tell
You’ll blow it
After all it took

We hide behind
The curtain
Someone thought was nice
It’s hard to find
For certain
Pearls between the lies

———-

It’s springtime and I’m shivering
I’m not supposed to freeze
It’s just another little thing
But there’ve been lots of these

I’m wearing sweatpants to the beach
I’m playing in the sand
When there is peace within my reach
I’ve got to stretch my hand

———-

Hate me for the way I’m always looking for solutions
Hate me for how I ignore the bad
Hate me for the times I turn your anger into laughter
Hate me for the way it makes you sad
Hate me everytime I try to understand your weak sides
Hate me ’cause I know you’re such a wreck
Hate me like you hate yourself for all the ways you hurt me
Hate me like I’ll never hate you back

———-

The breeze is messing with my hair
Forgot to bring a comb
Invited all my worries
They didn’t come along

The sun is turning pale to red
My hands are full of salt
The ocean’s way too cold to swim
It’s really not my fault

———-

All afraid of the strange, you close the border
We’re surrounded by strangers anyway
And though history lessons are in order
Darker pasts could return here any day
There has never been anything homogeneous
Every language or culture is a mix
Constant changes are common and therefor meaningless
When a system’s not broken, do not fix
We are so saturated with all we’ve got here
Maybe it would be better to take things slow
We donate to good causes that are not here
When we keep strange things strange, problems only grow

———-

You try to teach them, they ignore you
You try to preach, they cut you down
A twisted circus lies before you
It’s understood you are the clown

You try to reach them with your actions
You try to change them with your words
But they give in to all distractions
They make you shout until it hurts

You know it’s just the way they do things
You understand it’s not their fault
You wish that, just like you, they knew things
But they are lost, their fate won’t halt

———-

It’s not a burn that it takes
We’ll never learn from mistakes
We’ll deal with murder and theft
Till there are none of us left

Another war will be lost
While we’re ignoring its cost
We’ll slaughter women and men
When yesterday comes again

There is no breaking this curse
And future times will be worse
We are entangled in tools
That think for us mangled fools

It’s not a burn that it takes
If we’re to learn from mistakes
We must begin at the start
When all has fallen apart

———-

There’s so much poison in you
It blocks the sun from your view
The venom runs through your heart
Until you’re falling apart

There’s so much hatred, and why?
No happy day can go by
And you destroy what you love
By thinking you’re not enough

———-

Ich kann so viel, und doch nichts richtig
Ich bin so gut, und doch nicht wichtig
Ich habe Träume, habe Ziele
Es gäbe viel, das mir gefiele
Ich denke nach statt mich zu freuen
Weiß schon davor, ich werd’s bereuen
Mir fehlt so oft die Kraft zum Leben
Wie soll ich jemals alles geben?
Und wofür lohnt es sich zu bleiben
Und weiter alles aufzuschreiben
Was in mir wächst und in die Form fließt
Bei der das Feedback so enorm ist?

———-

There is depression inside me
It’s dark and destructive
And it is eating its way through my day
You won’t be able to guide me
So I, that’s deductive,
Must guide myself or I won’t be okay

There is a cloud through and through me
My mind has created
The pills can only abate for so long
You chose my side though you knew me
You knew who you dated
Most of our days we will have to be strong

———-

I enjoy pretty bodies
And I don’t think it’s strange
It’s a natural liking
That is not gonna change

All the posters and pictures
We can rearrange
So that people don’t see them
But I’m not gonna change

———-

The rain runs down the windows
The streets are getting wet
I’m peeking through the curtains
And this is all I get
The days run through my fingers
My time is running out
One thing I know for certain:
That’s not what life’s about

———-

What would remain
What could you gain
You are so tortured by your doubt

Another vein
So full of pain
Screams Make the cut and let me out

Yet you say No
You will not go
It’s not your time to disappear

The greatest show
That hurts you so
Goes on enough to keep you here

———-

Let go
Jump
They’ll catch you

For once trust the world that you’ve built

They’ll know
Jump
They’ll let you

Your care more than matches your guilt

Let go
Jump
It’s worth it

You’ve waited too long to stay put

Things grow
Jump
It’s perfect

You’ll never be sure if you should

———-

He looked into her wide blue eyes
As her hands slid down his belly
They heard his swollen panties’ cries
And his knees turned into jelly
He looked into her longing face
As he felt his belt hit floor tiles
His blue old jeans felt out of place
For at night one only wore smiles

———-

So I got older over time
I hear that happens
And things that seemed like such a crime
I’ve done them too
Now there’s no point in blaming those
Who’ve wronged before me
I understand the paths they chose
Yes, now I do

So I got older over time
And somehow wiser
Because I analyze each crime
That I commit
That doesn’t justify the pain
That I’ve been causing
I simply hope they’re not in vain
The things I did

So I got older, who’d have thought?
I thought I wouldn’t
And I’m not proud of what I’ve brought
To some I’ve met
It would be arrogant to say
It’s greater justice
But what I must is, ever day,
Fight down regret

—–—–

I’m told that if I’m bored
It’s of my own accord
That I just need to do
Whatever pulls me through
It’s not that I am lazy
I’m slowly going crazy
Why don’t they understand?
It’s hard to lift a hand
It’s hard though they don’t get how
No way I’ll leave my bed now

———-

I’m jealous of the gentle way you smile at your phone
Your voice has that tone when you talk to her
If that’s how you’re feeling, then walk to her
I’m lonely now, it doesn’t matter if I’m alone

You’re dreaming with those gleaming eyes all fixed on the screen
A look I’ve once seen in another life
When you felt that much for another wife
How long until you realize what all those signs mean?

———-

In the morning she gets out of bed
Goes to church or the market instead
Talks to neighbors or watches TV
Has some coffee around two or three
In the evening she opens the fridge
For some cheese cake but can’t decide which
And she eats like she does every day
Goes to sleep, then she passes away

———-

For the love of cheese!
Please stop chewing my cheddar
Or start doing it better
It’s too rough, don’t squeeze!

Don’t you bruise my brie!
Dairy drains need some breathing
Some might like the whole teeth thing
But that’s not for me

———-

Waiting in front of my bed
Is a present so pleasant
In ribbons of red
Kneeling, prepared to be taught
There’d be chaos and crying
In case we got caught

Waiting in front of my bed
Is a world of a woman
With legs widely spread
Ready to blow me away
And erase every trace of
A tiresome day

———-

Heavy heart, lost soul
Beaten and broken
Too many words left unspoken
Torn apart, once whole
Damaged and shattered
Thrown out, the one who once mattered
Brand-new start, same goal
Hurting but crawling
Better than keeping on falling

———-

Your eyes tell it all
They can be read like blinking letters
You’re ready to fall
And I’m the only one who matters
Your lips greet my spine
I close my eyes so I can feel it
It’s better than fine
The flame you’re starting is the real shit
It crackles and burns
Within the spot just where my legs start
Your tongue gently turns
It makes me longing for the sex part

———-

She was a girl from Carolina
She was all hurt and out for blood
With liquor warming her vagina
And leather boots all stained with mud

I guess she looked like twenty-something
But I just really can’t be sure
We both were looking for a dumb thing
With feelings far from being pure

We had some hours full of light sparks
Before the dark crept in again
When she was gone, I felt the bite marks
Where both my tears and semen ran

———-

Your demons and mine
They’re friends now
Their reddish eyes shine
When they play

Your panic, my doubt
It ends now
We’re clumsy without
But okay

———-

Your death left me in the dark
No light, no flame, not a spark
I should not think about you
And I feel guilt ’cause I do

Your death left me in the void
Your best friend’s now unemployed
I never did, but today
I get what took you away

———-

I tried to be a better person
Then went astray to stay alive
The world deserves a better version
Of what’s me
So I will try to stay on mission
And try to do what’s right again
Again let conscience guide decision
Then we’ll see

———-

When are you going to leave my dreams?
I used to dream of sex and pancakes
Now every time my stupid heart aches
You’re here all night, or so it seems

When are you going to go away?
I do not need you here at nighttime
Just leave my thoughts and I’ll be quite fine
Or come at daytime too and stay

———-

We flood the room with love
As corny as it sounds
It radiates around us
From me to you in rounds

We feel this rare great thing
Most never get to meet
That makes you drop all fences
And blows you off your feet

Love’s here when you’re with me
It stays when you’re away
Much like the sun it warms me
It feeds me ray by ray

———-

Walking home in the rain
Hand in hand
Soaked and cold
If one thought will remain
It’s the hand
That I hold

Walking home, walking fast
Soaked and cold
Sock and shoe
If one thought is to last
Till I’m old
It is you

———-

You make me laugh
Till I’m embarrassed
Of how I’m kneeling on the floor
Gasping for air, composed no more
All tears and shaking

You make me laugh
In ways so simple
And it’s the truest laugh I know
It shows how I adore you so
No masks, no faking

———-

You are still with me now
Like you have been all year
And not a single tear
You’ve caused since yesterday

You’re in the air somehow
The air you’ve breathed so near
Until the wind came here
And took my guest away

———-

I know you find me kind of attractive
But what good does it do me?
I know your love is strong and selective
Of what use is it to me?
If you want more than to comfort or tempt me
Why is one side of my bed always empty?

I know you love the way that I touch you
How my fingers can melt you
You take deep breaths and moan when I clutch you
There’s a lust that I’ve felt too
If you want more than to shake when I kiss you
Why do you have to make sure that I miss you?

I know you give me things you don’t need to
Lay your body before me
Explore new sides of love when I lead you
There’s no way you could bore me
I wish you weren’t just mine temporarily
This waste of loving is unnecessary

———-

They try their best but they don’t know us
And how they show us every day
With little things and lots of actions
They’re mere distractions on the way

They try their best but they’re not like us
They try to like us all the same
They do their best to do us justice
Their pointless trust is not to blame

———-

Life seems overrated, doesn’t it?
The constant getting up
From a bed that’s cold or crowded
In the mornings

Childhood felt so peaceful, wasn’t it?
The future seemed so far
Now it’s close, it’s all around you
Without warning

Don’t you think you’ve tried this long enough?
You’ve hardly moved at all
Haven’t lived a single day
That’s worth recalling

If you hate the world, what’s left to love?
Why would you stay for them?
It’s survival but it feels
A lot like stalling

———-

I’ve lost another round
Or maybe I’m still winning
The world and I are spinning
But still not on the ground

Don’t know who stumbled first
We both are throwing punches
We follow leads and hunches
To make each other burst

The world and I have fought
Too long to know who’s scoring
It’s all become so boring
You’d think the fight was bought

Another year is gone
It wasn’t that amazing
The year I’m barely facing
Could be the final one

———-

Lord, please give us a sign that’s too big to ignore
Give us something worth dying or living for
Make it grand and impressive and perfectly clear
There can be no more doubt about why we’re here

———-

And here I thought that I, too, deserved happiness
That after all I’d survived I’d be saved
That in the end I’d be shown what the purpose was
That I’d be judged for the way I’d behaved

And here I stand once again full of fears and doubt
And once again I don’t know what to do
If I will ever be shown what this life’s about
Or if I’ll stay in the dark till it’s through

———-

Sitting on my lap while I lean back, you’re mildly swaying
Almost like I’m praying, I encase your breasts with my hands
Wiped my memory of you and me somehow undressing
Eyes so sweet caressing while your naked body demands

Moving forth and back the ass I smack, you drive me crazy
I’m not being lazy, I receive your waist with my thrust
Gliding in and out, I moan, I shout, my world is spinning
Heavenly at sinning, we are one volcano of lust

———-

There’s a new year on the horizon
A new chance to get some things right
In the midst of their celebration
Fireworks disrupt your long night

There’s a new spring waiting to blossom
Maybe winter’s finally gone
And that thing that beats in your bosom
May be beating strong for someone

———-

Another crying stranger’s face
On yet another train
I don’t know why she’s in this place
But I can see her pain

I want to offer her my hand
And show that someone cared
That maybe I can understand
But maybe she’d be scared

Another crying stranger here
With overwhelming issues
Another and another tear
That’s why I carry tissues

———-

Perfection doesn’t always have to mean without mistakes
Perfection means it’s worth the fight, no matter what it takes
Perfection’s not a global truth, it changes with the cause
But when it strikes you, you will know, your pulse will jump or pause

———-

Being sad is okay
Let those tears find their way
Let those years pass you by
It’s okay if you cry

Being mad is alright
You’re not bad if you fight
Just be sure what about
It’s alright if you shout

———-

Come here, I want to thank you
Lay down and let me spank you
Just listen while my lash speaks
Until you feel your ass cheeks
And when you’ve gained some color
And I have heard you holler
Let me caress your bruises
And lick away your juices

———-

What’s a heartbeat or breath if not muscle contraction?
Guess you make me work out by increasing their speed
How can good be enough once we’ve tasted perfection?
Is it wrong to find out what we actually need?
I heard people explain that the sky is the limit
When the limits that count are the ones we can’t see
Understanding my pain only works if you’re in it
Only few ever got what it’s like to be me

———-

You’re good
You’re just not good enough
You gave me all your trust, your love
I wasted it
You’ve got no clue
So maybe I’m not good for you

———-

Your breath through the phone is getting excited
This tension is known to grow when ignited
You don’t need to say what daydreams you live through
I know you’ll obey the orders I give you
I instantly chose for once not to tease you
I hear you are close and I like to please you
A scream from your lung, a word with no letter
We both know my tongue can do it much better

———-

I try to think of other matters
You always show up in my thoughts
Just how those childlike lips can kiss me
In perfect ways on perfect spots

I try to think of other bodies
But yours has occupied my mind
Your arms and legs, your ass, your fingers
I’d recognize if I was blind

I try to think of other faces
Without your perfect eyes or smile
Without a tongue that leaves me breathless
And panting loudly for a while

I try to think of other flavors
But I am spellbound by your scent
And by those words I heard you whisper
Before we both knew what they meant

———-

I was inside you for the blink of an eye
Many got lied to as the minutes ran by
We shared two bodies, then we shared them again
Hot as the blood is of a woman and man
I was inside you, you were warm, you were wet
Resting beside you, I feel love, not regret
Physically tiny, you’re the greatest I know
Eyes bright and shiny say “I love you, don’t go.”

———-

When it’s about survival
Being kind is luxury
Your head becomes a rival
When you find it tough to be
When pain is all you’re feeling
You just throw your morals out
It’s taking, breathing, healing
Giving’s not what it’s about
You tell yourself that later
You’ll make time to make things right
Give back to every hater
You created through your fight

———-

You and I taking a shower
After sweating for an hour
Cuddling, kissing, almost dreaming
While the water keeps on streaming
Standing close, massaging, cleaning
That’s when life develops meaning

———-

What ten others could not give you
The eleventh might get right
Six o’clock and I’m not with you
I’m not giving up this fight
One more moment of affection
That’s uniting me and you
One more tongue on body action
Making dreams and screams come true
One more kiss that feels like heaven
One and one and one is fine
Added to six times eleven
That’s a perfect sixty-nine

———-

Make me young again
In that special way
Make me feel again
Like it’s all okay

Show me who I’ve been
Love my present state
Love the parts of me
I can’t help but hate

———-

Seems I’ve once again lost
Something important to me
At too high of a cost
Just like I knew it would be

And it’s nobody’s fault
Like it’s never of late
Just another assault
By a merciless fate

———-

I just don’t see how I can win this
I put my shitty life on pause
But for as long as I am in this
I treat the symptoms, not the cause

I just don’t see things getting better
I cannot change myself like that
I put my heart in every letter
And eat while scared of getting fat

I can repeat the same procedures
And pass my time with talk and sex
A different body, different features
Will soon become another ex

I just don’t see how I can end this
Unless I choose the one way out
Each life is precious, I defend this
But I’d be better off without

———-

I saw this girl on the train
She looked exactly like you
But she was five, maybe six
And didn’t know me

It’s like I’m going insane
My mind is playing me tricks
To get the images through
It needs to show me

I want a kid just like her
Who looks exactly like you
With all that love in her face
I always see there

Last week’s already a blur
And it’s been too many days
Just know whatever you do
I’ll always be there

———-

Something’s painfully missing
In the mornings at least
While no sunlight is kissing
Trees and walls in the East

Something’s painfully wrong here
And I know what it is
Not just sunlight is gone here
With its warmth and its kiss

———-

I know I’m not perfect
I don’t ask for perfection
I ask for flaws that fit my own
I know that I’m worth it
I don’t make this selection
It’s grown inside me all alone

———-

I like to find myself between
The warmth of my bed and the weight of your head
Of all the places that I’ve been
Without much regret I’d choose this one instead
I’d be at peace with what I chose
Till morning arrives there’s be nothing to miss
To wake up and to feel you close
What else in this life could be better than this?

———-

Depressing music playing loud
At least it understands me
I’m always one to flee the crowd
The empty room defends me

Depressing music knows my heart
And how it’s hard to function
And how again I fall apart
With every choice or junction

I barely grin and rarely smile
Succumbing to an illness
That I have carried for a while
That cripples more and kills less

I don’t know how to end my days
Surprised I still begin them
Those battles thrown into my ways
I don’t know how to win them

———-

They all talk about holding and kissing and such
About matters of body and heart, thought and touch
Though I love when you touch me, your touch is profound
I don’t need entertainment, I want you around
When you sleep, when you study, watch movies or read
And I’ll always provide you with things that you need
Like a hug or a sandwich or brushing your hair
I will show you each moment how deeply I care
I just love how you love all those things I prepared
For no life is worth living unless it is shared

———-

You can see in my eyes what I feel for you.
And you know that your eyes look the same way too.
Do the math: one and one makes a perfect two.
What it’s worth? No clue. But it’s simply true.

———-

I’m loved by a freak and I love it
She isn’t at all like the rest
She’s utterly different just like me
And that’s what I like in her best

I’m loved by a freak and I love her
It’s easy to see and admit
What others find strange or annoying
Are sides of her I think just fit

———-

I try to do the right thing
While life is doing me
Of all the tears that I bring
There’s many I don’t see
I try to do the right one
The one that won’t turn blue
Of all the lengths that I’ve gone
None felt as far as you

———-

Angels don’t fall out of the sky
Angels don’t fall
Angels fly

If I love you, don’t ask me why
I just love you
I don’t try

If I have to, I’ll say good-bye
Cause I have to
Let you fly

———-

I used to have a heart
I think it used to beat
Before I fell apart
Before I felt defeat
I used to smile and joke
I used to be alright
Before I burst and broke
Before I turned to night
I used to breathe and feel
I used to use my head
I used to know what’s real
Before I went all dead

———-

I look at you, I read your thoughts, they mostly are my own
You cannot hide what’s going on, at least you’re not alone
I feel the movements you don’t make, your nonexistent kiss
Although your lips don’t touch my own, no kiss keeps up with this

———-

My tongue moves in circles
Soft pressure, hot breath
Inside, up and downwards
My kiss is your death
I work all around it
Then all the way in
And sucking the center
I make your world spin
My fingers clawed into
The flesh of your thighs
I swallow your trembling
Your twitches, your sighs

———-

Press your naked back against me
Help me to forget
I’m too caught up in what can’t be
Let me kiss your neck
Moan for me and pull me closer
Let me make you hot
Let your writer and composer
Show you what he’s got

Close your lilac lips around me
Let me deep inside
In this darkest place you found me
Help me heal and hide
Scream for me and make me tremble
Let me make you wet
Kiss the human I resemble
Help me to forget

———-

Look at how perspectives shift
Look at how thoughts change
Wisdom is a pricy gift
Being wrong feels strange

Look at what I did and said
When I thought I knew
The opinions that I had
Till my heart met you

———-

If you believe in fate, don’t be scared.
And if you don’t, ignore what you feel.
If fate was ever seizably bared,
It’s here and now, it’s calling and real.

If you believe in destiny, jump.
And you’ll be caught before you fall ill.
The road of life goes on with a bump.
And if you don’t believe, just stay still.

If you believe in God’s greater plan
You can’t ignore the signs everywhere.
If you’re a nonbeliever, you can.
And just pretend that no signs are there.

If you believe in things meant to be
That nothing ever happens by chance
Then you believe the same thing as me
Then you believe it’s time now to dance.

———-

Nothing between us is harmless
Nothing, not even a look
The mere description shows far less
Than the restraint that it took
To simply say what we’re doing
It can’t convey what we do
Those harmless words that you’re chewing
Don’t tell about me and you
They fail to capture the feeling
That makes us gasp, burn and fall
And if they were more revealing
You wouldn’t speak them at all

———-

The weight of your head on my chest at night
The stuff that my daydreams are made of
When did we stop trying to make this right?
I thought what is worth it will pay off

The weight of your lips on my flesh and hair
That’s what keeps my lifelines in motion
It’s never been easy, it isn’t fair
But I’d give it all my devotion

The weight of your fingers against my own
Is more than what you can still give me
I hate how pain lingers when I’m alone
Oh, why can’t you be alone with me?

———-

Boy, I’m damn good at hurting
People closest to me
With the truth or through flirting
It’s my great specialty

I’m a master at saying
What takes out all the fun
And instead of them staying
I make everyone run

I’m a master at making
Those feel bad who are nice
If I’m honest or faking
Via silence or lies

———-

Ich hab dich verloren
Vermutlich für immer
Die Schuld macht es schlimmer
Ich hab doch geschworen
Für dich da zu bleiben
Und alle Dämonen
Die tief in uns wohnen
Mit dir zu vertreiben

Ich hab uns betrogen
Mit meinem Verlangen
Und hab hintergangen
Wenn auch nicht gelogen
Ich wollte nicht schwach sein
Und dich nicht verletzen
Du wirst mich ersetzen
Und ich allein wach sein

———-

What do we want to believe?
Am I all blind and naive?
I really thought I was smart
Until life tested my heart
Those vicious circles we’re in
They’re not the worst place I’ve been
But still confusing as hell
How to proceed, I can’t tell

———-

Head versus body; it’s a curse
We failed again, and so much worse
When failing better was the plan
But it felt good as few things can
Whenever all my guard just slips
And I embrace you with my lips
I feel alive because of you
You can’t deny you feel it too

———-

Fuck, what just happened?
What did we do?
Yes, I was teasing
And touching you
I didn’t mean to
Maybe I did
I didn’t think you’d
Go through with it
I was too close and
You were too hot
You changed position
Or did you not?
All of a sudden
My hand was there
And you moved closer
I don’t know where
All of your clothes went
There was just skin
Fuck, what just happened?
I took you in
And you were perfect
Beautiful, pure
Why did we go there?
I can’t be sure
And then you left me
Maybe for good
My heart was racing
Misunderstood?
Bad, misbehaving
Mistreating you
Fuck, what just happened?
What did we do?

———-

There is no right path ahead
Only wrong ways to choose
If I stop walking instead
I’ve got all paths to lose
There is no sign I can trust
No step’s really that safe
Don’t want to walk but I must
Guess I’m forced to be brave

There is no right path ahead
Only wrong ways to walk
Every step makes me sad
I need actions, less talk
There is no good place in sight
Just a wide range of pain
Sometimes you can’t get it right
When you’re picking your lane

———-

It is nice to touch a naked breast
To make my lonely fingers rest
In that sweaty place between your thighs
Exactly where your passion lies

It is nice to kiss you and to see
You’re pretty damn aroused by me
And it’s good to see what joy I bring
By barely doing anything

So I kiss your neck, inhale your scent
It’s hours well and nicely spent
Though I’m not at home and not at peace
You’re helping me to breathe and ease

It is nice of you to ask what’s wrong
You understand I’m far from strong
If you wonder what is hurting me
–
Your hands don’t fit mine perfectly

———-

Are you the one who makes my heartbeat less steady?
Or makes me laugh until I roll on the floor?
Who’s just as weird as me and just as pathetic?
Makes me consider things I disliked before?

Are you the one who shows me public affection
Although that’s never really been what I do?
Who’s just as magnetized as me by attraction
That sets the air alight between me and you?

And if I’ve never really been a romantic
And what I wanted was the comfort of trust
Why am I now so uncontrolled and so frantic?
When it is not at all about sex or lust?

———-

If luckiness was liquid
If there was bottled bliss
A fluid, clear and frigid
To model what I miss

No doubt, I would be drinking
In hasty, slurping sips
The only thought worth thinking
Is longing for your lips

———-

Ich liege hier im Bett, auf dass die Dunkelheit mich schlucke
Mich zudeckt und versteckt, während ich mich verzieh und ducke
Ich weiß voll blanker Angst, dass ich am Morgen wieder steh’n muss
Es wird von mir verlangt, dass ich stets funktionier’n und geh’n muss
Ich liege in der Nacht, die mich umhüllt und in mich eindringt
Wie eine dunkle Macht, die mich erfüllt und stumm zum Schrei’n bringt
Ich liege neben mir, weil in mir drin alles verflucht ist
Und bin ich wirklich hier, dann weil die Hölle ausgebucht ist

———-

Don’t ask me why I’m so blue
It doesn’t matter to you
Keep your politeness and smile
It’s never been worth my while

Don’t act as if we were friends
You do not care how it ends
We barely talk, so why now?
Don’t think you know me somehow

———-

When I feel far from feeling carefree
I can’t pretend and smile as if
Why must life always mock and dare me
When I’ve still got so much to give?

I’ll be a fan and a supporter
When I believe we’re meant to be
I’ll give my final breath and quarter
If something feels this right to me

As for the darkness that I carry
Sometimes it really carries me
Down to a place where no one’s merry
Where I might spend eternity

As for eternity and dying
They slowly start to lose their scare
While I’ve been learning, I’ve been trying
It’s getting harder still to care

I’ve given much to chosen many
I’ve been an open book to few
While I can be a bit uncanny
I’m also always real and true

The thing I beg from my creator
Is compensation for my worth
The cloudy thought of then and later
Can’t be what keeps me on this Earth

———-

Scared but bold, this is what I told you:
When you’re old, I still wanna hold you
When I’m done, I will still escort you
When I run, it is always toward you
When I bleed, I’ll still be your tall me
When in need, you can always call me
Shy but strong, I’ll be caring, giving
All life long, till my heart stops living

———-

If you want to, grow and be new
Don’t lose that light in your eyes
I still want you, that’s all I do
I’ll live your truths and your lies

If you’re angry, share it, you’ll see
I’m here to soften your blows
All you can’t be, be it through me
Our limits God only knows

I’m not at all
Ready to go
Don’t let me fall
I love you so

I got lucky, few ever are
Cause for that light in your eyes
Oh you drugged me, dragged me so far
Your hand will always suffice

If you want to, change and be strange
You’re so much more than a name
Stock and sort you, shift, rearrange
I’ll still want you all the same

———-

The very first thing that I do
Each morning is to think of you
Before the daylight meets my eyes
Before I move my arms or thighs
Before I know the time or day
Before I know if I’m okay
When I’m still dizzy, numb and blind
It’s always you that’s on my mind
I want to hold you, have you near
And share with you each smile or tear
Why did there have to be a catch
When even our birthdays match?

———-

As close to my dreams
As on the very first day
The best thing it seems
I’ll ever get is okay
Three decades of this
Are really more than enough
Please let me leave here fast
And let me sleep at last

I’m all I can be
But it’s the world that is strange
I’ve always been me
With no intention to change
Accept my last kiss
It’s out of longing, not love
Please let me leave here fast
And let me sleep at last

———-

I am a zombie, I guess
A walking body, a mess
But I’m experienced too
It’s not the first time with you

They say when you cannot get
Somebody out of your head
No matter if it’s unfair
Maybe they’re meant to be there

And while I guess that I’m wrong
And I’ll just have to be strong
Somehow I’m willing to fight
For something feeling so right

Now I have fought in the past
For things I couldn’t make last
I really thought I was through
But then I had to meet you

While I am still insecure
And it’s absurd to be sure
It’s been a while since my fall
Now I’m prepared to give all

And every morning I miss
This face I’m longing to kiss
All day, whatever I do
I want to share it with you

I should be quiet, I guess
But I’m a zombie, a mess
And while still hurt and in tears
More filled with life than in years

—–—–

I wrote a list of things to do
While trying not to think of you
It’s laundry, work, that kind of stuff
To keep me busy though it’s tough
The thought of you won’t let me be
Withdrawal symptoms torture me
But I keep crossing items out
The list is what it’s all about
And I keep keeping out of bed
While you are always in my head

———-

Right there in my bed lies
A stranger with dead eyes
His face calm but dying
His gaze terrifying

Right there on my mattress
A stranger who matters
For years I have been there
But I’m nowhere in there

———-

There is this theory
That seems absurd to me
That souls get split in two
When they arrive on Earth

But if I thought this true
Without a doubt I knew
My second half was you
My better half since birth

———-

The way you touch me is fucking crazy
The way you fuck me is touching too
In recent years I have gotten lazy
But I give all when I am with you

I love the way that you sigh and tremble
Much like my lips when they’re near your breasts
Unlike the angel that you resemble
You’re not as tough as your look suggests

Your body’s great, there’s no need to hide it
And ever think that you’re not enough
And not just when I am deep inside it
Do I believe that it’s really love

———-

Stell deine tausend Fragen
Woran hast du gedacht?
Ich will dir alles sagen
Was mich zum Menschen macht

Am Schluss ist es letztendlich
Ja nicht der Schmerz der bleibt
Gefühle sind vergänglich
Egal wie sehr gehyped

Egal was ich gemacht hab
War jeder Augenblick
Den ich mit dir verbracht hab
Ein Augenblick voll Glück

Und wer bin ich zu sagen
Was gut und richtig ist?
Ich weiß, man sollte wagen
Für das was wichtig ist

Es fällt so schwer zu schweigen
Wenn man so sehr vermisst
Dir jeden Tag zu zeigen
Wie wundervoll du bist

Es ziehen sich die Stunden
Zu schweigen wär Betrug
Die Zeit heilt viele Wunden
Und Zeit hab ich genug

Ich weiß, wenn ich nicht schreibe
Verlier ich den Verstand
Ich geb nicht auf, ich bleibe
Doch fehlt mir deine Hand

———-

Shut your mouth now, stupid man
Thought that you were clever then
Keep your poison stored within
Please don’t tear what’s way too thin
Shut your pie hole, eat some pie
Don’t you ponder if and why!

———-

Tell you what’s on my mind?
Well you, obviously.
Wish I was deaf and blind
But no, I had to see,
Hear, feel and taste and smell …
Forgive, I shouldn’t speak.
I simply know too well,
I’ve held all that I seek.

———-

Making each other better
Ain’t that what it’s about?
Growing through someone’s presence
Though we could live without

Sharing what makes us special
Isn’t that worth a lot?
Teaching and then receiving
All of the skills we’ve got

Making each other better
Ain’t that why we are here?
Taking and seizing chances
Wherever they appear

———-

I got the closeness I prayed for
I got the strength that I craved
From someone I would have stayed for
Because of how they behaved

I got the tender embraces
The feelings that I once knew
No matter how my heart races
Yours mustn’t race for me too

———-

I wish I had a copy machine
With special settings there on the screen
I’d put you in, get two of you out
All problems solved, no IFs and no doubt
I’d take the black and white copy too
That’s quite enough as long as it’s you

———-

Your hand fits mine so perfectly
A small thing, but of worth to me
And all those words you always find
As if you always read my mind
They show me something I am missing
That’s not about a friend or kissing
I trust you and I don’t know why
You lift me up, you make me fly
And catch me, hold me, pull me through
It’s all so natural with you
So when we’re close the way we shouldn’t
I’d love to give you all but couldn’t
I know you trust me when I say
That you look more than just okay
In fact, I love the things I see
When you’re right there in front of me
You’re not just sexy or a cutie
Please never doubt your stunning beauty

———-

Your eyes explain how lost you’ve gotten
Within a heart so burned and rotten
My chest is no safe place for you
You have to leave, you know you do
And while your light blue eyes still show me
How deeply you would love to know me
Your more than perfect lips stay sealed
At least until what’s good has healed

———-

I’m dead now. Can you feel it too?
I died at last through leaving you.
For years I’ve wondered how to live;
I’ve tried to gather and to give.
It’s over now. My body stays.
But I feel gone. I’ve lost my ways.

———-

They say in the end it will all be good
And if it’s not good, it is not the end
And I’m so afraid of what feels so great
And all of the rules we would have to bend
I’m certain that I’ll have to let you go
You make me feel good in the worst of ways
That’s one bitter truth that we have to know
You will have to go, so I count the days

———-

Just say what’s on your mind, God dammit!
You’re driving me insane
If there’s an honest guy, I am it
Just keep your message plain

If we are over and you know it
Just tell me and we’re done
If you’ve made up your mind, just show it
Your guessing game’s no fun

———-

You’re everything I asked for
I didn’t ask for him
You didn’t ask for me to come your way
But in the end you wanted me to stay
But knew your path too well to go astray
You won’t betray
What you and him
Still have today
And it’s okay
I’ll live
I’ll give
I’ll forgive
Perfect people, terrible timing

———-

My sweet one, very soon
We’ll have a choice to make
Between a lot of hurt
And a big mistake

I’m sorry that I’m here
I’m sorry for the ache
I’m sorry that a flirt
Caused so much to break

I wish we’d have a choice
A chance that we could take
But there is only hurt
Or a big mistake

———-

The world is not like you and me
My baby, we are different
We never crave for ecstasy
Just for the pain to stop

I wish I was a better guide
I’m merely here to listen
To keep your options open wide
And put your heart on top

———-

Come and kill me tonight
Come, fulfill me tonight
Be the absence of light
In my nightmare

Come on, bite me tonight
Come, ignite me tonight
Be my struggle, my fight
Take me right here

———-

When you can’t find the words to say, say nothing
When you haven’t made up your mind, be still
Far too many will raise a voice for something
That they don’t understand
And still speak ill

———-

I’m starting to forgive
Forgive me if I shouldn’t
You chose for me to live
And otherwise I wouldn’t

Why do you bring them back?
They didn’t make me better
If circles are my trek
Why do the steps still matter?

———-

You want to talk about us
I’ve heard that phrase before
The implications hurt me
Too deeply to ignore

It seems at last we’re over
We had a long good run
But that’s what always happens
When two are having fun

You want to talk about us
And do it face to face
My chest is getting tighter
My heartbeat screams for space

———-

I wish I could guide you
You’re no longer here
I once was inside you
Your legs pulled me near
Soft pressure from behind
That’s pleasure hard to find
The tension and the blow
A dream from long ago

———-

I’m done
I’m fucked
I can’t
A lot goes right and I’m ungrateful
Those little things all seem so hateful
I’m disappointed
They don’t know
I let it show
When I’m alone

I’m done
I’m fucked
I can’t
This loneliness is killing quickly
I’m out of power, weakly, sickly
I’m out of options
Full of fear
I need you here
I hate my phone

———-

You’ve given me a lot
I realized that lately
A lot of things I asked for
Except for one to date me

Good weather and new friends
Great chances I should take
Why do I lack the strength?
I’m paralyzed by ache

———-

You’re scared of drama, which is why
You shy away from me
You know that I’m aroused by you
In fact, who wouldn’t be?

I cannot change the way you feel
But I can tell you this:
I’m not a haunted teenage boy
Who’d die to get a kiss

And though it’s true that I love sex
(I really really do)
It’s not the biggest thing in life
It’s not as big as you

———-

You say it’s not personal
I say you’re wrong
My life’s always personal to me
And you should know first of all
Feelings are strong
And I feel the worst of them truly

———-

I’m not afraid to speak my mind and tell you how I’m feeling
If we don’t want to stay all blind, those feelings need revealing
I’m able to communicate, you don’t need to remind me
And when I’m lost and out too late, it’s up to you to find me

———-

The sex truly is amazing
You always come back for more
I’m truly the lucky one here
You’re beautiful

You’re cute when you’re getting sleepy
Attractive beyond compare
No clue why you chose to choose me
But I don’t care

You say you don’t want to end this
And fuck me until we die
Don’t know if you’re only joking
It bothers me

You know that I want the real thing
You know that I’m hard to get
You’re easy to fall in love with
You’re scaring me

———-

I’m so annoying
Because I’m lonely
I’ve got too much time on my hands

I want to see you
Or anybody
But it doesn’t mean that we’re friends

So I keep asking
Way way too often
But my days are terribly long

One simple hour
Feels like a weekend
And I know I come off too strong

———-

If one day I swallowed poison or jumped off some stupid bridge
There’d be people who’d be sorry, and I know exactly which
But the ones who would have pushed me with their actions or their words
Wouldn’t even know what happened, wouldn’t get how much it hurts

———-

Ich vermisse dich und alles was du mir einmal gegeben hast
Dank dir bin ich jetzt einer, der nur jammert und sein Leben hasst
Dank dir fehlt mir der Antrieb, meine Träume auszubauen
Meine Augen auszuwischen, in die Zukunft zu schauen

Und ich hasse dich und dass ich nicht der war, der es beendet hat
Ich hasse, dass ich so viel Liebe blind an dich verschwendet hab
Dank dir fehlt mir der Mut um eine andere zu lieben
Nur der Schutt, den du nicht brauchtest – mehr ist mir nicht geblieben

———-

I just wanna go home
But I don’t know where home is
I just wanna be safe
I just wanna be me

And I can’t be myself
Even when with my homies
When I can’t be with you
I can never be free

———-

When I think of how much of my life
I’ve been desperate, lonely and crying
When I count all the years that I’ve lived
All surrounded by thoughts about dying

When I think of the people I’ve met
Who were aching and broken and praying
For the nightmares around them to end
But their demons were usually staying

When I think of how much you don’t know
Of this lifestyle of silent degrading
It just aches me that you’ll never see
How so many of us are just fading

———-

She finds her movements deflected
Her spine aligned with the wall
It’s not what she had expected
It doesn’t matter at all

He pulls her close at the center
Both hands embracing her waist
The jogging pants that he lent her
Slide to the floor without haste

His mouth goes straight for the treasure
Between her trembling thighs
Turns her surprise into pleasure
Till screams are born form her sighs

———-

Why are the most important words
We need to hear so rarely spoken?
Who doesn’t know how much it hurts
When futures, hearts and dreams get broken?

Why are we silent when we should
Speak up for those who lost their voices?
Why don’t we say the words we could?
Why do we make the wrong damn choices?

———-

What good is a nightfall when I can’t put my hand
On someone else’s head and watch them fall asleep
The tips of my fingers caressing without haste
A body next to mine that I would like to keep

What good is a soft kiss when it might be the last
When someone else’s lips are not a part of me
No matter how perfect, how breathtaking they taste
When they will never stay within this heart of me

What good is a whisper when all the words are lies
A promise of a future that will not come true
What good is perfection when it is not to last
When all I’ll ever have will be the thought of you

———-

Are you scared of me?
Be honest, what do you see?
Is there something in my eyes that frightens you?
I don’t understand
Why would you push back my hand?
Hurting you is something I would never do

———-

You keep explaining how much I am worth
But it seems I always must compete
So please explain to me how on this Earth
Do you make me feel so incomplete?

———-

I want to be part of the problem
A part of the reason you hate them
I want to be more in the end
I don’t want to be just a friend

———-

What good is time when you can’t share it
Or being free when you can’t bear it
What good is money on your tray
When you won’t spend it anyway

———-

You’re in the place I wanna be
The guy you’re holding isn’t me
You both enjoy what I adore
What I’ve discovered long before
You’re so damn pretty
You’re so damn pretty

You’re good at everything you do
Oh how I wish that I was you
I hope he does appreciate
The reasons why he earns my hate
You’re so damn pretty
You’re so damn pretty

You’re on vacation, I am not
Sitting at home is all I’ve got
Sure, I’ve got money, I could fly
If no one comes along, then why
You’re so damn pretty
You’re so damn pretty

———-

I know this story, I know this song
I say I’m sorry, you play along
And then you leave me and fight your thirst
And I can’t blame you – I did it first

I cannot love you, you have to go
I always wish that it wasn’t so
I wish you’d stay here and be my friend
But you need closure, need things to end

I lose your friendship, I lose your sex
While you take off and you fuck your ex
And I can’t blame you – I did it first
That’s why you leave me, and that’s the worst

———-

No, it’s not that my soul is so complicated
It makes sense in a way, and that’s why I hate it
Yes, it’s dark but familiar, I know the dangers
But I see how it would be confusing strangers

See, I’m not that afraid of unknown attraction
It’s the things that I’ve already seen in action
That have failed many times, that I can’t agree to
So my soul says it doesn’t make sense to meet you

———-

You’re in the darkest place, we get it
You opened up, please don’t regret it
We’ll do our best to keep you stable
And give you strength if we are able
You’re not a burden, don’t you say that!
I understand your hope has faded
As long as there’s a chance, let’s take it
I trust that you and I can make it
But if you choose to go, go proudly
Not with a firework, not loudly
And be aware that it will break us
And it will feel like you forsake us
And our worlds will get much darker
This day will always stay a marker
Of how we let things get so gray here
That you decided not to stay here

———-

Come home with me
You know what will follow
Undressed like Apollo
Alone with me

We’ll moan, you’ll see
The horse and the rider
With eyes getting wider
Ride home with me

———-

I’m fucking scared of where this leads to
I know it’s working now and here
The future might, however, change you
And it’s the kind of change I fear

You’re so damn young and I have witnessed
How people don’t anticipate
The paths they’ll choose because they fit best
Until it’s always far too late

I’m petrified by how I love you
And how you love me in return
My head says ‘No’ to what I must do
I’ve caught the spark, now I must burn

———-

Remember?
You had dreams
Now you only live through going to extremes
Only the rush keeps you alive, that’s how it seems
You keep going, you’re going so far
Far away from who you think you truly are

Remember?
You had fun
Now you’re only ever scared and on the run
Only the flight keeps you alive, that’s how it’s done
You keep going, you’re going so fast
Far away from everything you hoped would last

———-

I need you to be damaged
If not, how could you understand
What life feels like for someone
Always trying to pick up themselves?

I need you to have suffered
If not, how could you ever know
What pain feels like for someone
Who just hasn’t felt okay for years?

I need you to have been there
If not, how could you be with me?
You need to know exactly
What it’s like for me to live this way

———-

Your demons aren’t louder than all of me combined
I know your dreams and demons have always been entwined
Their roars are loud, I know that – but I am loud as well
And if they try to break me, I’ll send them back to hell

Your demons, though immortal, they can be beat and tamed
Let me inside those dungeons and never be ashamed
I told you that I want you, not just the sparkling part
And I’ll kick out those demons and occupy your heart

———-

The grass is always greener in the daylight
But I’m not getting up before it’s midnight
And I don’t leave my bed unless I need to
But sometimes I just have to wash and eat too

I’m told the grass is green but I don’t see it
If that’s the color that it is, so be it
For me, the grass is gray because it’s night here
All color seems away more than a lightyear

———-

I’m good at many things
And great at quite a few
But I’m just bad at living
I’m bad at pulling through

I’m smart and I’m creative
And mostly I am nice
But when it comes to life
It seems too high a price

I waste my time and skill
I barely even move
I’m terrible at living
I’m sorry, that’s the truth

———-

Sometimes it all really seems to fit
It’s all fresh and new
And it’s not just you
And they too like the things you do
You spend time and laugh
And it might be love
And then it suddenly all breaks down
With one wrong word said
Or one cigaret
And with regret you must realize
You had closed your eyes
All you loved was lies

———-

I wake up to your peaceful breaths
See your bare legs embrace my blanket
Without you I’ve died many deaths
Now your rear’s asking me to spank it
I lie still though and let you sleep
There’s no shortage of time to spank you
It’s been years since love felt so deep
I can’t think of a way to thank you
You’re a painting I couldn’t paint
If I tried all my life to learn it
The most devilish type of saint
It costs all that I’ve got to earn it
I get up and I kiss your head
Search the fridge for a meal to serve you
You can eat while you’re still in bed
You’re a queen and I must deserve you

———-

What do you want with a guy like me?
Yes, I’m clever, mature and funny
I’d treat you well if you called me honey
But I’m as broken as one can be

What do you want with a man like this?
Who is gentle but also naughty
I’m fair and nice to the one who caught me
And I lay worlds into every kiss

What do you want with the writing one?
Creativity grows from sorrow
I’d love to promise you a tomorrow
But who can say when my mind is gone?

———-

Please love me twice as hard
When I look at myself with disgust
When I don’t understand how you do it
Love me

Please hold me all night long
If you have to, stay up and don’t ask
When I can’t miss your touch for a moment
Hold me

Please listen to my tears
When I don’t know how else to explain
What is raging and killing inside me
Listen

Please love me twice as hard
When I feel like a loser again
When I can’t understand why you’re with me
Love me

———-

I’m so restlessly empty
Without constant distraction
If you tell me I can’t be
That’s a common reaction
There’s so much that I could do
I just have to begin shit
You mean well but please would you
Just shut up for a minute
Or a day or a decade
Cause they all feel the same here
Time’s a ghost with a black blade
Killing those who remain here
Time’s no friend and won’t heal me
Ghosts are not into healthcare
And if you can still feel me
You’re ahead of myself there

———-

Life is all about choices
Some will break you for sure
But if not given voices
What would people endure?

Life is making decisions
Some are good, some are wrong
But I couldn’t envision
Me just playing along

———-

What’s worse? To love and be rejected
Or never love and live at all?
For what is love when you dissect it
But all the things that make you fall?

———-

You’re so damn perfect because you know me
Because you show me every day
That you have got what it takes to blow me
To blow my mind and me away

You’re all I need and I know that’s cheesy
But it’s not easy being me
You’ve really mastered each way to please me
And be as perfect as can be

———-

You’re looking at the sleeping pills
That used to give you doubts and chills
Play with the package, wonder how
Then lock them up again for now

Another afternoon goes by
By now your hair is almost dry
It’s time to do what you do best
And just get ready for your guest

Another man between your legs
You know for him it’s only sex
For you it’s time not spent alone
Or with your mother on the phone

He falls asleep on top of you
His heartbeat’s what you listen to
While you enjoy his steady breath
For now distracting you from death

———-

Say, what does she have that I can’t give?
Why is she a reason now to live?
Why can’t I revive the broken you
When there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do?

Say, what do you feel in her embrace
That brings peace now to your tortured face?
Is it what I look like or my voice?
Will I ever know why she’s your choice?

———-

Drops of rain can bring much life
Yet everyone’s complaining
I like it when it’s raining

Drops of blood are seen as pure
But sometimes they’re infected
And death must be expected

———-

The sound from the stage is loud
I’m part of a cheering crowd
The bass makes my heartbeat jump
My ears ache

Whenever I’m on my own
I never feel this alone
I thought that this would be fun
My mistake

———-

The way my heartache functions, you’ll never understand
Respect is what I ask for, in fact, what I demand
I’m not just hurt by cheating – a lot of things cause pain
Because you’ll never get that, you’re calling me insane

———-

I am a cunning linguist
A stunning cunnilinguist
My mouth molds moans
My mind mild mist
Too insecure?
I do insist!
If your head’s clear
You clearly missed
The point that my head
Could have kissed

———-

Do you believe in the light at the end of the tunnel?
Do you believe in the tunnel at all?
Do you believe there is something that’s worth the stumble?
Do you believe that it’s worth it to fall?

Do you expect fate to show you the cards it dealt you
And to explain why your hand was so tough?
Do you demand a reward for the leashes that held you?
Do you believe that your faith is enough?

———-

I need a hand that greets me
Without all preconceptions
That cooks for me and feeds me
Each day without exceptions
I need a hand that carries
Half of my many burdens
That takes away and buries
What lurks behind my curtains
I need a hand that molds me
And gives me final shape
A hand that gently holds me
Preventing all escape
I need a hand that grabs me
When I am weak and stumble
That points the way and slaps me
When my good morals crumble
I need a hand that lingers
The way that all hands should
A hand with five soft fingers
Entwined with mine for good

———-

Reward is not why I give, it’s called live and let live
It’s called leave me alone, I’ve got a life of my own

I do not like what you do, but it’s all up to you
I won’t tell you to change, although I find your ways strange

———-

Some days, you want to smash that mirror
Some days, you don’t believe its lies
You really can’t be this disgusting
You really can’t believe your eyes

Some days, the glass is more than empty
There is no liquid anywhere
Half full, now that’s a state that can’t be
At least you’ve never seen it there

Some nights are brutally eventless
You’re wide awake, you miss the noise
Sometimes you find someone to make it
But often you don’t have the choice

Some lives are not what others seem like
Some lives don’t matter much at all
At least that’s how you feel about it
Your phone so close, no one to call

Some days, the mirror shows a monster
It smiles with eyes as dead as yours
You’re scared to show how much you’re broken
You’ve learned to close and seal all doors

———-

It’s all bullshit, it’s all boring
What I do, it just won’t work
I’m so done with dumb ignoring
I’m a half-assed champ like Kirk

Now, Picard, that was a good man
With integrity and style
Even Archer had his moments
Sisko, Janeway, worth my while

I’m the one without a screenplay
Improvising, cheating, lost
Flirting through the whole damn quadrant
At respect’s and logic’s cost

Life ain’t easy on a starship
But it sure ain’t better here
If I had a starship waiting
I would surely disappear

———-

If I was to die tomorrow
Look what I would leave behind
Lines of loneliness and sorrow
Here for anyone to find

Souls get shattered all too often
Turn to mosaics of shards
There are blows no one can soften
Leaving cracks in gentle hearts

If I was to count my days now
I’d have many that were great
But the truth I’d have to face now
They did not occur of late

I’ve felt ecstasy and pleasure
Both in friendships and in bed
Lived through joys you couldn’t measure
Heard those words so rarely said

I’ve felt love in both directions
Watched it blossom, grow and die
Life is full of intersections
Roads I took not knowing why

Over time I’ve lost my focus
Now I’m tortured, broken, sore
I believe in hocus-pocus
Or in happy ends no more

If I left this world for good now
I’d have reached no single goal
I am better understood now
But I’m still a shattered soul

In the end I’ll be forgotten
All the memories will fade
All the seeds I planted rotten
Like the promises I made

All mistakes will be deleted
From the surface of this Earth
I feel sad somehow and cheated
By the pointlessness of birth

———-

We’re all on our way, on different tracks
We float in the wind like plastic bags
The End.

———-

The moon was blue and the sea was black
On this night when we talked and talked
We both were tired of looking back
So we both simply walked and walked
The hotel rooms and the city lights
Stayed behind and became so small
The constant noise of the endless fights
Could for once not be heard at all
The sea was black and the moon was blue
Colors that we had shared so long
I felt alright while I walked with you
Don’t know why, it just made me strong
The light of dawn pushed the night away
And we shared one last silent sigh
So unprepared for another day
We held hands and we kissed good-bye

———-

Come, seduce me, don’t be shy
Jab your fangs into my neck
Don’t retrieve them if I cry
Pierce my skin and don’t hold back

Come, invade me, take me whole
Hold me close and drink me dry
Taste my body, taste my soul
Let me fade with no good-bye

—–—–

Why can’t we just fuck and be nice to each other?
We’re both out of luck in affairs of the heart
I know I don’t love you, but we could be lovers
At least I am honest to you from the start

Why can’t we just kiss and then bang on the sofa?
At least I won’t leave you as soon as we’re done
And yes, it will hurt when it’s gonna be over
But thrills from a friend are much better than none

———-

The weather today is supposed to be brilliant
That thing in my chest is corrupt but resilient
The summer’s too hot and the winter’s too weary
And I am too dry to get rusty or teary

When good things are waving, I don’t get excited
My life is a party, but I’m not invited
My nights are a circus, the clowns are a-changing
The shows are a mess I spend hours arranging

The end is a shadow that follows my actions
Postponed by the thrill of unscheduled erections
It’s there within reach, it’s the call that connects us
Familiar fatigue is the thing that attracts us

———-

He makes me feel so special
I’m better when he’s there
He’s more than what I wanted
He doesn’t seem to care

He’s funny, hot and cute
Reveals the best sides of me
Why can’t it be enough?
Why can’t he fucking love me?

———-

I’m good at naughty, good at nice
I’m good at sentimental
At funny, rough and gentle
At honest, open, real

I am creative, cute and smart
Love cooking, cleaning, kissing
There’s nothing you’d be missing
I am the perfect deal

But while I’m all the things above
We shouldn’t be neglecting
I know what I’m expecting
To give and get and feel

———-

I’m pretty much an open book
Do you, however, speak my tongue?
With every touch, my conscience shook
I’ve hurt too many and too young

I’m everything you’ll ever need
Except convinced that you’re the one
A complex, broken book indeed
A world you’ll miss when it is gone

———-

Another asshole joins the list
Another name, another dick
Another marking on your wrist
Another wound too fresh to lick

You are so good at being bad
You are a devil in the sheets
Always annoyed and always sad
And damn seductive in the streets

They always go the night they come
You make them come a lot
You show them what you’ve got
And end up all alone
You’re desperate, you cry
You’re too far gone to lie
When all you want is die

Another pointless day survived
Another hopeless, lonely day
Another quiet night arrived
And you won’t sleep much anyway

You push them all so far away
When all you really want is love
No one will tell you you’re okay
You’ll never ever be enough

They always go the way they come
It’s so predictable
You’re so despicable
Disgusting and alone
Too desperate to cry
You’re too far gone to lie
And all you want is die
Good-bye

———-

This is inexcusable
Another heart I broke in two
Another damaged me and you
Again we’re through
Unusable
This is such a stupid game
Another pointless argument
Another curse you hardly meant
Apartment rent
It’s all the same

———-

You watch them take off their clothes
Sometimes you help when they’re stuck
Sometimes it’s planned, sometimes luck
But most days end with a fuck

Some simply stay in your bed
Some others leave pretty soon
Some like to cuddle and spoon
But all are gone before noon

———-

This is what I want to do:
Never think of you again
Never feel this black and blue
Never be a broken man

So I
Throw away your stuff
Get rid of all my love
And never wonder why
We had to say good-bye

This is how I want to be:
Strong and happy on my own
Never think of you and me
Never feel so damn alone

So I
Throw away your things
Get rid of everything that stings
And never wonder why
You left me here to die

———-

Perhaps I’m not a good person
God knows I try every day
But all this focus on one thing
Sometimes just gets in the way

Perhaps I’m not all that caring
Perhaps I’m not a good friend
At least sometimes it just seems that
I do not care how things end

I’m too caught up in my own thoughts
To think of others at all
Perhaps I’m not a good person
Perhaps my mind is too small

———-

When life is really mean
Kick it in the balls
But don’t do that to people
That’s wrong

The madness that you’ve seen
Helps when duty calls
To turn it into kindness
That’s strong

———-

Blood blending with tears
Emotions lie bared
Held down by those fears
Too scarred and too scared

Pain blending with rage
And flowing in streams
Right out of this cage
To freedom, to dreams

———-

The darkest times
You’ve felt them
The worst of cards
You’ve held them
The lack of light
You’ve seen it
The dying one
You’ve been it
The wrongest words
You’ve said them
The worst of thoughts
You’ve had them
The lonely roads
You’ve run them
The meanest things
You’ve done them
The oldest friends
You’ve lost them
The clearest lines
You’ve crossed them
My God, can you believe it?
The fresh air –
You still breathe it!

———-

You can preach all you want, but my body is mine
Mine to please or to beat or destroy
You can judge me or ban me, but I’m not your toy
You can try but you won’t cross that line

I can do what I want to my hair or my skin
I can give myself up and die faster
I can choose who I want as my master
And it won’t change a thing if you think that’s a sin

———-

Don’t hide your tears when you’re upset
Don’t hide them when you’re hurting
Make sure you mean your compliments
Don’t go for shallow flirting
When someone wants to trust in you
Make sure that you respect them
And when you’re asked, your words be true
Once said, you can’t retract them
Don’t smother others with your views
Just know what’s right inside you
For by the time the sun goes down
We’ve all been talked and lied to

———-

BE NICE

Be nice, that’s all you need sometimes
And it can mean a lot
For some it might change everything
It might be all they’ve got

Be nice, not to the grinning jerks
Who’ll never figure out
That being cool and being tough
Ain’t what it’s all about

Be nice to those who barely speak
To those who look depressed
If you’re not sure, be twice as nice
Don’t put things to the test

Be nice to those who never ask
But need you all the same
To those who claim you broke their hearts
And shower you with blame

Be nice to everyone you meet
Unless they’re really mean
And even then remind yourself
You don’t know where they’ve been

Be nice and don’t expect reward
Just know that you have tried
Give everyone the chance to shine
That most are still denied

———-

There’s a reason you ask if I’m free tomorrow
And it isn’t my milk that you need to borrow
It’s the weekend again, make familiar choices
While your head tells you No in annoying voices
Wanna tell me to leave but you won’t be able
When I give it to you on the dinner table

———-

I’ve learned to swallow my replies
And not be startled by your lies
And not be angry when I say
That you are pushing me away

———-

Send me love, don’t send me flowers
Bring affection, don’t bring cake
Help me pass those lonely hours
Trust me, I can plant and bake

———-

Alone with all your deafening thoughts
Surrounded by a great deal of space
An empty heart and a barely used head
Two dried-up eyes with indifferent gaze

Alone with what you chose to be yours
Surrounded by much less than you need
A skeptic head and an insecure heart
That’s way too scared to take chances and bleed

———-

And now tear them down
Those walls, one by one
The reasons they stand
Are probably gone

A quick look outside
A whole world to feel
It might be alright
To do this for real

And now let us in
And maybe we’ll stay
And maybe you’ll see
That we are okay

Walls can be rebuilt
Hearts can be revived
And maybe, who knows
It soon will have thrived

———-

You spread your legs, your red lips tremble
You take my hand and lead it to a private place
The begging girl you now resemble
I know tomorrow there’ll be sorrow on her face
You want me now, but we both know you
Your pleading sighs and spreading thirst I must ignore
I’m not a jerk, and I must show you
I can be stronger than the men you’ve met before

———-

When I was young
Life was a show
The girl I was
I loved her so
Sometimes I think
Where did she go?
Where did I go?
No way to know

I felt alive
I felt so free
The things I did
Were always me
Sometimes I think
Though silently
Where did I go?
No way to see

———-

I pull those jeans off your legs
They aren’t needed tonight
And there are cuts on your thighs
No longer hidden from sight
You are embarrassed at first
But I’m not really surprised
Too many others I know
Have those red marks well disguised
I lean in close with a smile
And kiss the lines one by one
And then I work my way up
And kiss those spots much more fun

———-

It’s just two layers of clothes separating our skin
It’s just your layers of pride not yet letting me in
And I am rubbing your back, moving on to your side
And I am eating your breath, see your pupils grow wide

It’s just two layers of wrong that I want to break through
I want to tear your walls down, want to do it with you
We are already too close to pull back and move on
So lock your gaze onto mine, let those lips become one

Your hands are hungry for more, they’re exploring my face
So let this hunger move on to a different place
Come, let your skin find my touch in the ways that you need
Strip off those layers of fear, let your skin take the lead

———-

There is more than one level of empty
My apartment reminds of what can’t be
With your scent in the air but no body
I feel used and abused, beat and bloody
And it wouldn’t be hard to remember
How we met underneath skys of amber
How my love was the one thing that mattered
Not the trophies and kisses you gathered
I could think of the time when I had you
Not occasional nights with a bad you
It’s a dangerous place I won’t enter
While my fingers still smell like your center ?

———-

I’m very used to losing, I’m very used to loss
So when it comes to choosing, I trust the coin I toss
I’m used to friendships ending and lovers running off
I’m calm and understanding, without a trace of scoff

I know you made an error, misjudged the way you felt
And realized in terror, your heart of ice might melt
I know you feel like running, but please consider this
The night we had was stunning before we shared that kiss

I know you are a good one, I know your heart is pure
A much misunderstood one, and therefor insecure
I felt some kind of bonding, you might become a friend
So when you are responding, be sure of what you end

———-

She is the lonely one you wouldn’t recognize ’cause she’s nice
Once in a while she smiles, so you don’t know though she never lies
It rips her soul in two each time that she goes down with a man
But when they’re nice to her she always takes her skirt off again
It’s not that they’re all bad, it’s just that she’s so sad all the time
And when it’s her who starts, another broken heart is no crime
She is a pretty one, but very insecure in a way
And only when it’s done, she’ll tell you how she’s not that okay
Another kiss and tell, she should have known so well what she’d get
The magic of the night led, like so many times, to regret

———-

I met you at a bar
And it was loud as hell
If shy is what you are
You know to hide it well
You didn’t drink a sip
Because you know I’m clean
We kissed, I bit your lip
The playful way, not mean
We soon escaped the noise
The sterile rooms of chrome
Of all those naughty boys
It’s me who took you home

———-

You ask what I expect here
I want to be with you
Let’s try to be correct here
Love is nowhere on my mind

I want to feel you breathing
You want to feel me too
One weekend of believing
I’m not smitten, I’m just kind

I want to make you tremble
This much I swear is true
The pleasures I resemble
Taste incredible combined

———-

Woken up with the weirdest feeling
By an old long-forgotten name
In a way time has done the healing
In a way things are still the same

———-

Lovers are always waiting
Waiting to meet again
Lovers are always restless
Women as well as men
Lovers are always lovers
Whether they’ve met or not
Lovers are always longing
Craving with all they’ve got

———-

What do I do with this life? Damn, I don’t know what I’m doing …
The things that help me survive are sleeping, eating and screwing
And by the end of the day, my bed is crowded or lonely
The company’d be okay, if she was my one and only

How did I manage so long? How come I’m still up and breathing?
I wouldn’t say that I’m strong or that I still am believing
And at the end of the day, I’m neither happy nor crying
I’ve found a slow, gruesome way to disappear without dying

———-

You don’t need to like my family
You need to accept that I do
They won’t have a say in who stays with me
They’ll need to accept that it’s you

You don’t need to love my closest friends
But I’ll always keep them around
Be nice and polite to them, shake their hands
Good friends are not easily found

We don’t need to share every interest
Just listen to me when I’m psyched
I just need to know that you mean the best
And check out the things that I liked

I don’t need a partner who’s just like me
You need to be up for the ride
If you want to stay for eternity
I need you to be on my side

———-

Why would you disappear
With me still waiting here?
Why would you hand me to the nightmares deep inside?
Why won’t you answer me?
Am I supposed to see
Why you have chosen just to vanish and to hide?

I’ll let you if I must
But how am I to trust
When those I feel for always leave me to my fears?
My devils eat me whole
Their eyes as black as coal
Who will rebuild me ’till the next one disappears?

———-

Maybe I’ve forgotten love
Forgotten how to do it right
What I feel is not enough
Or maybe I’m afraid to fight
Maybe I’ve forgotten trust
Forgotten how it feels inside
Maybe I’ve forgotten lust
Or maybe I just chose to hide

Or maybe love’s forgotten me
Forgotten how to make me glow
To make me heal internally
And let me flourish, learn and grow
And maybe trust has let me down
And kicked me where it hurts the most
And maybe lust has lost its crown
For once a queen, it’s now a ghost

———-

I know you play me
It’s easy to see
I play along ’cause
It’s nothing to me
You’re cute and sexy
But selfish and mean
You’re such a princess
And I want a queen

———-

Do you have to text while I’m loving you?
Do you have to read while we kiss?
Is this online world really all to you?
What are you expecting to miss?

———-

Why can’t you love me just like this
I really gave you all there is
I can’t be anything but me
But I’d have loved you endlessly
You sliced the mended cracks again
And I’ll survive this if I can
Each single fiber that you tore
Was broken many times before
I understand you wanted fun
I’m left with what I’d had and done
Time wasted that I’d saved for you
I don’t know why I shaved for you
I cannot understand your mind
But lust is deaf and love is blind
Now I must learn again, my friend
That in the end it’s not the end

———-

In my wildest dreams I saw you and you made me feel okay
What Lara Croft was to my childhood, you impersonate today
It’s reality that haunts me, that’s one fucking scary place
They say that one day I’ll stop dreaming, and I’ll die if that’s the case
I am sure that I deserve you, I just have to make that seen
Those who still question if I’m worth you, they are dumb and really mean
I’m a perfect human being, it’s my flaws that make me great
And one day you will have to notice, I just hope it’s not too late

———-

Don’t just be nice because you’ve got an erection
This night will not turn out to your satisfaction
I’m psyched enough to keep me going for ages
And petty flirts are just for newcomer stages

———-

She said we wouldn’t fuck
I guess she changed her mind
Sometimes I am in luck
And justice sure is blind

She’s sitting on my lap
And clearly getting tight
I never need a map
I find that spot alright

She said we wouldn’t date
I’m sure she meant it then
But now it’s much too late
Somehow I scored again

———-

I can’t stress this enough: I can’t sleep on my own
I’m not asking for love, just hate being alone
I’m repeating myself, but it’s not about greed
It’s about mental health, it’s about what I need

———-

The way my body needed you, I didn’t think it possible
My arms, my lips, they greeted you, I felt so irresponsible
There was no way to stay away, you’d poisoned me, you’d drugged my heart
I understood the greater good, I knew that I would fall apart

———-

So that’s what I thought I could read in your eyes
I’m nice but I’m not that attractive
Your honesty’s better than feeding me lies
I guess you are simply selective
Now I’m honest too, if at least to myself
I’m hurt and you make me feel ugly
At least you adored all the films on my shelf
I just kinda hoped you would fuck me

———-

Don’t worry, I’ll just hold my own hand
It’s not a big deal, I’ve done it before
The World Wide Web still is my homeland
However I feel, there’s stuff to adore

Don’t worry, I’ll cuddle alone then
It’s easily done, it doesn’t take much
I’ll swallow my pride like a grown man
And have lots of fun, enjoy my own touch

———-

I guess you’ll have to trust my words
Your smile is more than beautiful
When I invite you late at night
It isn’t just a booty call
I know you think I make things up
But I am stunned by who you are
Of all the people that I’ve met
You are the greatest one by far

———-

Come and take my shaking hand
Make my fears take off and land
Take my shirt off, pull me close
Make it clear which path you chose

When my alibis wear thin
Let the evening begin
Make me hold you and believe
That it’s love that I receive

Kiss my forehead, close my eyes
Make my mouth repeat your sighs
Press my waist against your own
Make your wild intentions known

Let us meet with gentle thrusts
Till my broken self adjusts
To the rhythm of your heart
To a night as pure as art

———-

I feel restless and bored
It’s a sign of the times
I am hurt and alone
That’s a sign of my crimes
All the love that I lost
I was given too soon
At too low of a cost
At too full of a moon
It’s the thrill of the nights
That will make people fall
If not ready to fight
You’re not ready at all
I can’t start what I know
Will be gone in a while
I won’t tell you it’s love
With a forced happy smile
If you want me, make sure
That I write happy rhymes
I am broken and bored
It’s a sign of the times

———-

You ask me why I want you close
My answer is “Why not?”
I know my words are not ideal
But that’s the best I’ve got

I want your body and your time
You know that’s all there is
The truth is that I feel relaxed
When we hold hands or kiss

You ask why it is you I chose
The truth is that it’s not
Monogamy is for the brave
I simply take what’s hot

———-

She lies
She lies everytime she explains why she can’t
She lies everytime she’s too busy

She lies
She lies when she says that it’s not the right time
She lies when she says things are tricky

She lies
She lies to the ones who still act like they care
She lies to herself

She lies
And nobody believes her

———-

Please give me all of your fake love
I need to pretend that I’m home
Please shower me with soft kisses
And burn me to ashes like Rome

Please hold me like I’m important
I need to pretend that I’m whole
Please tell me that I am pretty
And that I’ll accomplish my goal

Please stroke my head while I’m weeping
I need to pretend that you care
I know that’s not why you came here
A fantasy I need to share

———-

I want us to be sexy, I want us to be cute
Whenever you are with me, I want to world turned mute
I want us to be lovers, I want us to be friends
Make jokes about all others that no one understands
I want us to be partners, to talk about our flaws
To know when we have problems, the world will be on pause
I want your full commitment to everything we need
And that our needs combined will dictate how we proceed
I want us to be naughty, I want us to be sweet
I want us to be cool and produce a lot of heat
I want us to be certain that we’re in this for good
And that we’re on the same side – this must be understood

———-

I don’t think I can do it
I think I’m not that strong
I’ve tried and tried but screw it
I think I’ve tried too long

I don’t think I will make it
I guess I’m out of luck
I don’t think I can take it
And I don’t give a fuck

———-

Oh I hate these empty days
I really truly hate them
No fun or purpose, not a trace
I don’t know how to take them

Too much food, too much F5
And nothing that distracts me
Not in the mood for film or life
No one I care for texts me

———-

They’re piercing through the night
Those eyes that never close
They do not need the light
And this the darkness knows

Insomnia gives life
To thoughts that need to grow
Which ones of them can thrive
The dawn of day will show

———-

Forgive me if I’m blunt
Subtleties often fail me
I think you are a cunt
Something I deal with daily

I am in quite a haste
Eloquence takes forever
I don’t have time to waste
I prefer someone clever

———-

You own a car but never drive
You’re only sporty with your tongue
I like to watch your booty bounce while I am sitting

I said “Let’s live while we’re alive”
You said “The best ones die too young”
So if you gave me HIV, that’s only fitting

I lost my ring, you lost your socks
This car is full of useless stuff
It’s kind of cramped and kind of old, but good for fucking

Don’t wanna know how many cocks
You’ve hurt in here; you like things rough
And I don’t think I really care; you’re good at sucking

———-

You are a stranger now to me
I used to know what you were thinking
And while I stay away from drugs
You get too comfortable with drinking
I am a fragment of your past
Too insignificant to mention
Twelve gigabytes of pictures say
That once I had your full attention
You are a stranger now to me
And I don’t want to get to know you
And I don’t care if all those jerks
Would stand in line to kiss and blow you

———-

The chamber’s dark just like her eyes
Invisible those painful strings
They’re woven from deceit and lies
And so she cries and waits for wings

And one by one they start to grow
One only needs a solid pair
To take her where she yearns to go
To freedom up there in the air

———-

He’ll see you and he’ll know
And you will be prepared to show
The bruises and the marks
The firestorms, the endless sparks
He’ll see you and he’ll get
How lost you were before you met
How hope was found and lost
So many times at such a cost
He’ll see you and be strong
And show you how you’ve all along
Been strong as no girl can
A woman never needs a man
He’ll see you and be seen
And he will tell you where he’s been
You’ll know that he will stay
You’ll know that things will be okay

———-

Get out of my head, I hate when you do this!
Don’t ask why I’m sad, you know what the truth is
Ignore my hot tears, there just aren’t any
You’ve known me for years, you’ve caused far too many

Get out of my sight, you know you’re not needed
Two wrongs can’t make right the doubts that we seeded
Ignore how I weep, you’ve done it so often
It all goes too deep, a blow you can’t soften

———-

Long before I knew myself
You showed me what I was about
Now I think I understand
The stuff that I can’t live without

Things so small I never thought
That they would mean the world to me
Now that I am old and wise
I do embrace them gratefully

———-

You stripped me down to a better self
Got rid of all superficial
The way you put my soul on your shelf
Was mutually beneficial
You broke me down to a better me
Ripped off the layers not needed
And for a while there I bleeded
Before my eyes dried and I could see

———-

Your face is pretty, your words are nice
It’s hard to call you mean names
I tried your service, I paid the price
I truly burst into flames

You taste like heaven, you move like hell
I know I’ve said this before
I knew the path we walked oh too well
I wish that I was a bore

Your skin is soft and your absence hard
I knew I’d lose right away
You killed my time and my credit card
And I was willing to pay

———-

I’m grateful for the pleasure. I’m grateful for the pain.
I’m grateful for mementos I’m certain will remain.
I’m grateful for my downfall. I’m glad you played your part.
I’m grateful for the scars that you carved into my heart.
And if my time is over and happiness is gone
If someone had to kill me, I’m glad you were the one.

———-

The veil must fall
Tonight again
A different man
Will make the call

Your sweat will flow
And taste so sweet
The scent of heat
You truly know

It’s one on one
Uncovered flesh
A link so fresh
Yet almost gone

———-

It’s always kind of the same with him
He keeps shying away from what’s real
His chance of scoring is rather slim
He is trying his best not to feel

It’s always kind of the same with her
She keeps sticking around what she knows
No wonder things stay the way they were
No one’s given the chance to get close

It’s always kind of the same with you
It is always a bit of a shame
Your dreams don’t look like they’re coming true
All your rules are obstructing your game

———-

It’s all okay
Today you move away
And your gentle touch
It used to mean so much

It’s quite alright
We couldn’t bear the fight
And your hand in mine
Felt natural and fine

It’s understood
You didn’t feel so good
And your love, your glee
Were once a part of me

It’s how it is
I’m not the one you kiss
And your heart, your smile
I owned them for a while

It’s over now
I’ll live but don’t know how
And my hand, my face
It all feels out of place

———-

Eight years ago today
You took my worries, you threw them away
Eight years ago today
You made me happy

I thought that you would stay
A thought so loud, there was no need to say
I thought that you would stay
Why couldn’t that be

Four years ago tonight
We both admitted we can’t make it right
Four years ago tonight
You packed and left me

———-

Everyone knows it’s just myself I care about
Yes, I alone is what I couldn’t live without
What they cannot see:
You’re a piece of me

And I’ll make sure your cover covers you tonight
And I’ll be there to guarantee you dream alright
Please rest peacefully
You’re a piece of me

So if you listened to those tattling on the streets
Who think I only care for you between my sheets
I would cease to be
You’re a piece of me

———-

You say it’s you, not me, you’re sorry
I’d never understand your story
There is a chance that’s true, but try me
No one was ever laughed at by me

I understand that most ignore you
But I will try to be there for you
You’re right, I don’t know what you’re hiding
But you need someone to confide in

———-

You are a piece of art
You’re more than just an artist
You’re beautiful and smart
Got will as well as heart

I do admire drive
I do admire beauty
The strength to beat this life
Do more than just survive

You are a piece of art
And I am just an artist
But from the very start
I knew we shouldn’t part

———-

You say you’ve got news, I don’t wanna hear it
My throat’s getting dry, somehow I can’t clear it
Whatever it is, I don’t think I’m ready
My hands start to shake, I wish they were steady

———-

You and I, we’ll always be unfinished
Even though the pain we caused diminished
And I try so hard to be the man that
Your young heart so forcefully demanded
I’m afraid the man you loved has perished
It’s too late, he went with those he cherished

———-

I’m afraid I can’t be there for you
You got laid, he didn’t care for you
I’m not here to say I told you so
It is fear that makes me wanna go
I have seen the way you look at me
There has been too much you took from me
I must go because of what I do
Cause I know the way I look at you

———-

I feel like crying, like so often
Those dried-out hearts can only soften
The thought of dying is familiar
What doesn’t harden you will kill ya

I feel like talking, feel like sharing
With those I know are good and caring
But then again, there’s nothing new here
And I don’t know what I still do here

———-

My bed is calling again
It’s calling me pretty names
What can I say? I’m a man
Who’s very tired of games
My bed is ready for me
Until the end of the night
We are as close as can be
The only thing that feels right

———-

Are you up late at night?
Are you thinking of me?
Every time that we fight
It gets harder to see
What we both saw at first
What we had at the start
Now I’ve shown you my worst
And we’ve drifted apart
If we can’t make things right
I don’t know what to do
I am up late at night
I am thinking of you

———-

The longest years of my life
Have no intention to end
The saddest years of my life
Are all around me

And from the very first day
Each day I’ve begged them to go
But they made clear they would stay
Once they had found me

———-

Still so weird to see your face
Like you don’t really want to go
Cut me loose if that’s the case
Don’t leave me stuck

I feel trapped in what we had
It won’t return, this much I know
Seeing you just feels so bad
Please give a fuck

———-

No, I won’t ever love you in spite of your flaws
Your mistakes are what makes you attractive
If you weren’t imperfect, I wouldn’t stay close
Cause my demons are highly selective

I am way too much damaged to trust anyone
Who has never been close to the border
But if you have been broken and used and alone
Then I think that my trust is in order

———-

I’m past the point where I’m expecting disappointment
I’ve seen it all, I’ve felt it all
I realize that real life isn’t like the movies
My phone stays blank, they never call

I’m past the point where I am past the point of caring
I’ve cared too little and too much
I’ve come to see that no one sees me like I see me
Some stay away, some stay in touch

———-

Ich dachte, du wärst anders.
Der Fehler lag bei mir.
Ich glaubte, ich sei wichtig.
Ich glaubte, du wärst hier.

Wie all die andern vor dir
Hast du mir aufgezeigt,
Dass ohne Gnade falln muss,
Wer sich nach hinten neigt.

———-

There once was a time when you loved me
Your smile, for a while, was for me
And I could have said what I wanted
Whatever I dreamed of, you’d be

There once was a time when I wondered
If you really could be the one
But I wasn’t sure and I hurt you
Whatever we had, now it’s gone

———-

Someone lost, someone found, now let me conquer and guide you
There’s no blanket around that can sufficiently hide you
You don’t know who to be, it doesn’t matter ’cause I do
See, the angel in me becomes a devil inside you

———-

If I could only reach you
If you could read my pain
I’ve got so much to teach you
Before I go insane
If I could only find you
If you could only see
The shadow right behind you
Is not as dark as me
If you could only know that
I long for you and bleed
Then future days will show that
I’m everything you need

———-

Someone seen my happiness?
Someone seen my will to live?
More is never really less
I feel worse the more I give

Someone seen my honest smile?
Or a laugh I really meant?
It’s been more than just a while
And I don’t know where it went

———-

Please love me for the both of us today ’cause I can’t do it
I see my ugly belly in the mirror and it’s bad
I know your love is all that matters when you get down to it
And still I hate myself for every single bite I had

Please love me more than physically, please lie with me and hug me
It’s you alone who makes this world a place that I can bear
Please let me taste your sweetest kiss, breathe into me and drug me
That you are here to calm me down is beautiful, not fair

———-

Tck tck tck
The clock is ticking
On the wall and in my head
I don’t have a watch to look at
Cause I use my phone instead
Tck tck tck
I’m getting older
Leave my future way behind
It’s the past I can’t get rid of
Where I look, that’s what I’ll find

———-

I don’t “just want the one thing”
But I sure want that too
I want the whole damn package
With them as well as you

I don’t just want your body
I don’t just want your mind
The only thing worth having
Is both of them combined

———-

Like the mother cat in winter
Like an oak tree in the storm
I will try to give you shelter
I will try to keep you warm

Like the one who took your balance
Like the home you never had
I will give you all the joy that
You forgot while you were sad

Like a thunderstorm or blizzard
I’ll tear down your inner wall
You will feel the kind of soaring
That precedes both rise and fall

———-

I’m lonely again tonight
It all seemed alright the other day
My bed is too big for one
The journey goes on, I’m not okay

Sometimes I have lost my will
I’m breathing but still I’m not alive
I drown in the tears I weep
The ocean goes deep and I can’t dive

———-

My lips on your fingers, my tongue on your hands
Your skin giving in to my silent commands
My mouth on your shoulder, my teeth on your neck
Your body was mine once, I’m taking it back
My breath on your mons as I’m sliding inside
Your movements ensure you’ve got nothing to hide
My lips tasting thighs that are wet from my kiss
Your body is shaking, I love it like this

———-

I’m down so much
Sometimes it seems
I more or less
Just live in dreams

I cry so much
Internally
And no one else
Will know or see

I hurt so much
I hurt so bad
It’s not just now
I’m not just sad

———-

You do not need to say a word
I hear your voice, I understand
Tonight you’ve come to end my world
And it is yours alone to end

There is no need to speak aloud
I see your eyes, I know it’s true
I wanted joy I’m not allowed
All joy I have is tied to you

———-

So this is it then, I suppose
Again it wasn’t me you chose
And while I’ll miss your kissing touch
I’m not at all surprised as such

I didn’t think that this would last
So pack your things and pack them fast
You taste much better than the rest
In many ways you are the best

So this is it then, like before
You’ll go from loving to ignore
And while I know you told me so
I cannot watch you as you go

———-

I think of you five times a day
Of how you are too far away
The distance doesn’t matter much
I miss your company, your touch

I know you’ve got a lot to do
The distance doesn’t bother you
Your day is full of tasks and glee
With little time to think of me

My day is long when I’m alone
So I keep staring at my phone
And when I go to sleep in tears
I’ve missed you for what feels like years

So when you call the other day
And ask me if I feel okay
I’m hurt but I can’t let you know
The years that I have missed you so

———-

You cannot make things last forever
This is the saddest truth I know
No matter what you do to keep them
One day they all will have to go

Now there’s a chance that you won’t see it
Because you go before the rest
And someone else might do the missing
I am not sure which way is best

———-

Keep your promises to yourself
I’ve been told many in the past
Always say what is on your mind
Don’t hold back, tell me all and fast

Leave all boundaries far behind
Understand what I’ve done and seen
Where I’ve failed and what price I’ve paid
And with how many that I’ve been

Put your triggers and all your doubts
On the table for me to see
Wipe your face, lose what isn’t real
Come all naked and pure to me

Never lie, never hide the truth
Never tell me we’ll be alright
Let me know what you really feel
Here and now, each and every night

———-

All those beautiful songs that speak right to my heart
Raise me up, bring me down, sometimes tear me apart
All the magic that lies in those powerful words
I can never foresee if it helps me or hurts

———-

I don’t wanna be people; people usually suck
Call me weird or eccentric, call me lazy or stuck
If you don’t really like me, well, that’s only my luck
But do not call me people; people usually suck

———-

Dark brown hair in the April air
And shoulders meant to be kissed
You’re the queen of the beauty fair
A mistress not to be missed

Wisdom lies in your cheeky eyes
Your lips make clear they’ve been tried
Shaped by sighs of a thousand guys
You’re both a gift and a guide

You belong to the good and strong
Oh how I want you to choose me
Bring me back to where I belong
Just take me, comfort me, use me

———-

It’s unimportant if he’s friendly
Or if he drinks himself to sleep
If he will try to understand me
And make a promise that he’ll keep

I do not care if he is faithful
If he is honest or polite
Or if his jokes are just distasteful
And if he always thinks he’s right

It doesn’t matter if he beats me
And if he lets me pay his debts
If he just knocks me up and leaves me
Or rapes my kids without regrets

I guess I’m stupid, but we all try
I’ll have to live with all the lies
Cause all I wanted was a tall guy
I don’t deserve a man who’s nice

———-

Another lover is gone
Another one I loved is now on the run
I didn’t love them enough, it was fun
Now it’s tough

Another one got too hurt
I have to ask myself why I always flirt
I heard the sirens inside, red alert
Well, I tried

Another heart got a bruise
And it is not the only part I abuse
She needs a man she can trust, fill my shoes
Feed her lust

Another promise went bad
Another one remembers now what we had
And now she says her good-bye and is sad
So am I

———-

It seems
Like I’m surrounded by emptiness
And that’s my life
Congratu-fucking-lations

My dreams
Are so damn boring, I can’t feel less
I lost my drive
And cause for celebrations

You know
You really don’t know me after all
And that’s alright
I will get by without you

Just go
I’ll cook alone and eat half the bowl
And when it’s night
I will not dream about you

———-

Come over to my place
Let’s watch another DVD
And I will watch your face
That’s much more fun for me to see

Come over right away
And I will cook some potluck meal
Let’s never waste a day
A lonely night has no appeal

———-

Will you enjoy the way I kiss you
Or won’t we kiss at all tonight?
My beard might be too long and tickle
I may not get my timing right

Will there be comments on my belly?
And will my dick get hard again?
And if it doesn’t, will it matter?
What do you look for in a man?

Will we just sit in awkward silence?
Will I just bore you with my tale?
Will I be charming or annoying?
And will I know my efforts fail?

Will you just fuck me out of boredom
And never call or write again?
Or will you fall for me completely?
What do you look for in a man?

———-

I miss you and I guess I shouldn’t
You craved my loving, but I wouldn’t
You taste so flawless, look amazing
It’s a dilemma that we’re facing
My future will not be about you
But I don’t wanna be without you

———-

Send me all your naughty pictures
Send me all your dirty dreams
Every thought you couldn’t show them
’cause they’re frightened by extremes

Give me everything important
Things you usually don’t do
Every bit that makes you special
Every part that makes you you

———-

Clothes sliding to the floor
You’re beautiful, I love you so much more
You close the bedroom door
You’re beautiful

Your perfect silhouette
So beautiful, I’m grateful that we met
You join me on my bed
So beautiful

When you’re inside of me
It’s beautiful, you are igniting me
Your lips are guiding me
It’s beautiful

And when we go to rest
You’re beautiful while sleeping on my chest
These moments are the best
You’re beautiful

———-

The thing that they call longing, that’s when I think of you
I see your face before me, no matter what I do
The boy-ish, girl-ish features, the right amount of both
The androgynous body in simple, comfy clothes
You’d share each single letter, if longing had a name
This feeling and your absence, to me they are the same
Those quiet conversations, I know they won’t come true
The thing that they call longing, that’s when I think of you

———-

You are the last to enter the train
Your short black hair is wet from the rain
You’re really young, mid-twenties at best
Your t-shirt’s tight, promoting your breasts
You look at me, no words but I get
Your hair is not the only thing wet

———-

You’re not a bad choice
No strange, unknown voice
I’ve had you before
Many times

I’ve lost love and lust
At least you I trust
It’s time that I pay
For my crimes

———-

I’ve been deconstructed, I’ve been analyzed
I have been demantled, I’ve been sacrificed
I’ve been more than broken, I have been destroyed
All my great achievements gone, replaced with void

Here I lie now, bleeding, but I won’t bleed dry
Self-sustaining system, trained for getting by
Here I lie now, waiting, for the one who can
Build me up from scrap and make me whole again

———-

I’ve known your face for many weeks
Since yesterday I know your breasts
I’m way too nice for hidden peeks
I guess I passed your patience tests

I like the way your friendship tastes
Like I’d imagined it before
The grinding dance of naked waists
I wouldn’t mind a quick encore

———-

I’m sorry that I had to ask
I know you want to keep things simple
I’m sorry I’m not in the mood
For shallow shit and weather talk

Make up your mind and do it fast
I will not take your half-assed reasons
Why you enjoy my dick and food
But won’t hold hands each time we walk

———-

It’s funny how perception works so differently for you and me
The thing that terrifies me most is what you see as being free
The thing most sacred in my life that stops my heart from feeling blue,
That gives me strength, it sucks you dry
You say it’s suffocating you

———-

Lie to me about my looks
Tell me that I’m all you need
That you want me to proceed
That you’ll read me like your books

Lie to me about your heart
Tell me that it’s mine alone
Every time we’re on the phone
Tell me we won’t fall apart

———-

Another dinner eaten with one fork from one plate
I know complaints sound beaten, I do not care of late
Another night is wasted by cuddling on my own
I crave the life I’ve tasted before I was alone

———-

I told you you were beautiful
And there was terror in your eyes
Could be you thought I was in love
Could be you thought my words were lies

Why is it wrong to speak my mind
When something precious comes my way?
I know most people bite their tongues
When I’m impressed, I’ll always say

———-

So here we are again, familiar new sensation
This time I’m not your man, no cause for celebration
And all the trust we had, it’s gone, completely vanished
But I’m no longer mad, and you’re no longer banished
We both already know the words we speak are hollow
Wherever I may go, it’s clear that you won’t follow

———-

There’s not much I have to lose
You have torn my heart before
Which I’m choosing to ignore
After all, that’s mine to choose

There’s not much that you could do
That you haven’t done to me
So I guess it’s wait and see
As it’s always been with you

———-

I’m not comfortable with waiting
I’m not patient as a rule
I’ve spent lifetimes contemplating
There’s no need to play things cool

I have done my share of careful
I refuse to take things slow
There’s a newborn need for dareful
Only fair to let you know

———-

You’re incredibly gifted and resourceful as hell
When it comes to implying that I’m not worth your time
If you know what you’re doing, there’s no way I can tell
But you’re building these fences that I don’t want to climb
First you cancel a meeting ’cause you’re busy with work
When I ask three days later what you’re doing tonight
You say “meeting my friends” and make me feel like a jerk
I am much of a fighter but you’re not worth the fight

———-

Making everyone smaller doesn’t mean that you grow
Stomping feet, heavy panting do not mean that you go
Moving words without actions do not mean that you care
Giving others your garbage doesn’t mean that you share

———-

Why are you shaming pretty bodies?
Why are you telling them they suck?
Why would you tell those silent hotties
That they will never get to fuck?

My lovers weren’t always skinny
Had scars and bruises on their skin
Would not go out in a bikini
Or felt too fragile, old or thin

So many people who are perfect
Are still ashamed of how they look
Stop telling us we aren’t worth it
Life ain’t a Palmers poster book

———-

It is obvious to me
I’m no priority to you
It is clear that you don’t see
I’m deeply hurt by what you do

I’m not stupid, I’m just sad
I thought we could become quite close
But the thing we might have had
Is simply not the thing you chose

———-

Just come here, just be close, just be gentle
And be silent, I don’t want your words
If you spoke, I’d become sentimental
And your voice is so fine it just hurts

Just come here, just be close, maybe kiss me
I don’t care if your promise is true
If you fake it or actually miss me
All I want is a shadow of you

———-

Sleep with me again tonight
I know it’s been a year now
The friendship part we can’t get right
But I just want you here now

Visit me again today
I know it’s been forever
I tried; I miss you anyway
Our lips should be together

Sleep with me and don’t ask why
Don’t ask me how I’m feeling
Don’t promise that you’ll say good-bye
That this time we’ll be healing

———-

I get why they won’t answer me
I used to be entertaining
They’ve noticed something’s wrong with me
And I am sick of explaining

It’s hard to be around me now
It’s all somehow gotten blurry
I guess some people cant allow
Themselves to be weak and worry

I get why they don’t write me back
I’ve been a tough friend to deal with
The happiness I know I lack
Is what I would need to heal with

———-

I scream at you – you don’t listen
I reach for you – you don’t care
Or maybe you’re scared of touching
Or maybe you’re unaware

I look for you – I can’t find you
I wait for you – you don’t come
Or maybe your ears are damaged
My screams to you just a hum

I’d die for you – you don’t know it
I’m already halfway dead
And maybe you’ll never notice
You listen and wait instead

———-

Where are you?
I’m staring at empty screens and empty days
Where are you?
I’m walking in broken shoes on lonely ways
Where are you?
I’m cooking delicious meals for me alone
Where are you?
I’m waiting for cute distractions on my phone
Where are you?
I’m starting to hate my hobbies and my friends
Where are you?
I’m not gonna be a fan of how this ends

———-

Why would you call me stranger when I am known to friends?
How can we see love start and be certain how it ends?
Who is to say you’re wiser based on your date of birth?
Why does it take us seconds to judge what something’s worth?

And why should clowns be funny when they’re not loved at all?
Who is to say a giant can’t be afraid and small?
Who says that walls don’t crumble? That mighty swords don’t rust?
The fastest man can stumble when he’s deprived of trust.

And why should flowers wither when winter walks the land?
Who is to say a boxer can’t have a gentle hand?
Why would you think a hooker earns less respect than you?
Why would a lie repeated become a fact and true?

———-

Don’t you get it? I did not invite you here for entertainment
It’s good company I look for, not a stand-up or a clown
I don’t need you to be talkative and ask me where the pain went
It’s those well-meant useless comments that will only bring me down
Don’t you see that I do not have any plans for us to follow
It’s okay if you bring work here or a book or fall asleep
I don’t need you to attempt to change the fact that I am hollow
I just need to be around you to make sure that I won’t weep

———-

Nothing’s fun
Nothing’s good
I feel misunderstood
Don’t you know
Can’t you see
I don’t have a plan B
You don’t get
How I feel
How it is a big deal
When I’m here
All alone
All the time

———-

I pushed you away
You’d been gone for a while then
With no reason to stay
With no reason to smile then

I pushed you away
You’ve been gone for a while now
And I think it’s okay
And I think I can smile now

———-

I do not care about your lovers, if they were many or a few
It’s not with them I’ll build the future that I intend to build with you
I do not care about their faces, I do not care about their names
If they were nice or really naughty; I have no interest in games

———-

How I wish I could forgive you, but you don’t apologize
Been a year since I last kissed you, heard the last one of your lies
How I wish that I could see you, feel and taste your gifted tongue
But you chose to be dishonest, should have known you were too young
How I wish we were still talking and still making love at night
How I wish it wasn’t over, that you’d try to make things right

———-

Put that song on repeat, put your body on mine
Let us make our own heat, when you’re close I’ll be fine
It’s so stormy outside, like the world wants to end
Here’s the blanket, let’s hide, be my lover, my friend
Turn the lights off, come close, hold your breath and my hand
In the dark, I suppose, I’ll be taking command

———-

You see me climbing out that pool
Wet hair and body, dripping, glowing
You introduce yourself while showing
That you would like to play things cool

You bite your lip, the course is set
I’m pressing you against an oak tree
I grab your hair, you kiss the soaked me
You don’t need water to get wet

———-

I only want to meet you, I don’t want to chat
Don’t know how I could say this much simpler than that
Please spare me all your writing, just knock on my door
It’s not so complicated, you’ve done it before

———-

Time and time again she would ask me these questions
Time and time again I would answer the same
I don’t feel content with her constant suggestions
I’m not satisfied with her vision of fame

Time and time again she would kiss me the same way
Motions never change, like a step-by-step plan
Sun goes up and down, but it feels like the same day
What a sad excuse for a woman and man

———-

She lay like dinner on a table
In sheets of silk and seemed to sleep
He tried to wait but wasn’t able
She’d woken urges far too deep

Without a hint of hesitation
He tore her neck and drank her whole
Each drop the highest concentration
Of purity of life and soul

———-

We were having a moment
We were having a night
We were having each other alright

We were whole, we were happy
We were having a blast
What we had was too hurried to last

———-

All those years that I’ve lived in agony
I prepared to embrace eternity
And meet God for once on even ground
What I craved so long I found
In you

On the day that I leave this world behind
I just hope that it’s peace that you will find
When I let my final breath escape
I just hope it’s not too late
For you

On the day that I close my eyes for good
I just hope that my heart is understood
When my soul moves on or disappears
I just hope you know I’m here
With you

———-

You kiss with less passion, much softer and slow
This change must have happened not too long ago
Your lips aren’t playing, they’re pleasing my skin
It’s making me nervous, it’s not how it’s been

The way that you kiss now, it says “I am here”
More giving than taking, it’s fueling my fear
We used to be simple, we knew what we were
But now that you’re changing, it’s all just a blur

———-

This last time I really blew it
That’s one time too much, so screw it
I’m not trying to undo it
I was lonely and she knew it

You don’t get the way I’m thinking
Everywhere red lights are blinking
I am cheating and you’re drinking
This relation-ship is sinking

———-

Come, explore with me the city
Drink hot chocolate from my cup
Push me down and call me pretty
Smile at me and lock me up
Join me in my exploration
Of the things I’ve been denied
Far too long I’ve felt frustration
Show me that I haven’t died

———-

I never understood people
Not as a whole anyway
I hated teens when I was one
They just annoyed me all day
I do not trust the big masses
They never do what seems right
But show me one single person
They might be worth any fight
I never understood people
It’s single lives that I get
Seeing the person before me
I will not likely regret

———-

For once the sun disappears
And everyone’s going crazy
But it’s been dark here for years
In spite of sunrays that face me

For once it’s dark around noon
For once it’s night during daytime
But this will change pretty soon
And you’ll be fine and you’ll stay fine

I’m not the least bit impressed
It’s always dark where I’m going
Inside my head and my chest
My own eclipse I’m not showing

———-

All this time, endless moments that last
The foundations we’ve built in the past
All this force we have put into us
Tickets paid for the wrong fucking bus

All those years we were planning ahead
Now I bury this future we had
Starting over, that’s easily said
Going on is just making me sad

A part of you declares we’re through
And you see nothing left to do
A part of me is on my knees
And begging you to hold me please

A part of this I’ll always miss
The way you smell, the way you kiss
A part of here I’m keeping near
While I give in to pain and fear

———-

No message on my phone
No envelope that’s blinking
I’m anxious and alone
I wonder what you’re thinking
It’s been less than a day
Too soon for me to write you
I’ve got so much to say
But I just don’t excite you

———-

You can sleep at my place and I don’t expect payment
I believe in consent and respecting your pace
If you’re ready to stay there will be no containment
Though I don’t like to wait, this is clearly no race

———-

I’m kind of surprised your definition of “friends”
Includes my left hand moving around in your pants
Your innocent past seems to have come to a halt
I guess in a way this once again is my fault

———-

I look at the mirror and I hate what I see
This man looks disgusting, fat and ugly to me
I wanted to buy some new jeans but instead
I cry with a blanket pulled over my head

Some days I begin with zero power or drive
Ten hours of sleep still couldn’t make me alive
And everything backfires right in my face
I’m so fucking tired and so out of place

———-

Now we’re back where we started
Jumped the track, broken-hearted
Cold out here and it’s snowing
It’s not clear where we’re going
I am used to desaster
Been abused more and faster
It’s okay, do not worry
Simply say you are sorry

———-

If you’re playing hard to get
You will have to play alone
I’m not here to play your game
Guess I’m losing

Like I told you when we met
I will make my viewpoints known
Stay or go, that’s all the same
But I’m choosing

———-

I know now why I’ve been waiting
All those years that I’ve been hating
When I met you it was clear
No one else was let this near
You were worth all hesitation
All those years of aggravation
Now I know what they were for
You’re the thing I miss no more

———-

My poems are here to paint pictures
Of future and past in your head
To give you a prospect to ponder
While lying awake in your bed

My poems are here to inspire
Or show you that others still feel
To help through the day when you tire
Wo cares if my stories are real?

———-

Can’t measure good sex in loads of cum
In decibel, inches or minutes
In calories burnt or crossed limits
It’s sad that those units appeal to some

Good sex is when I can get through to you
Take care of your body and soul
Good sex is when you lose control
And shiver from all that I do to you

———-

Doesn’t sound like your marriage is worth a lot
I don’t think you want me to respect it
I suppose you have given it all you’ve got
You’ve run out of your will to protect it

Now you’re here and it’s obvious you don’t know
How to handle this new situation
You’re uncertain of how far you want to go
So you’re counting on my reputation

I’m not held by the boundaries in your mind
And your past doesn’t really affect me
I’ll be gentle to you and I’ll help you find
All the sides of yourself that attract me

———-

You will not meet me at a bar
I will not offer you a drink
Won’t stretch my comfort zone too far
I’ll never date you

I know my heart, I know my mind
And I express myself through ink
I don’t think weak’s the same as kind
Won’t underrate you

You will not meet me at a club
Where it’s too loud to talk or think
I need an equal, not a sub
I won’t sedate you

I’ll make you know what I’m about
I won’t be leaving while you blink
But I won’t stay when I’m in doubt
And I won’t hate you

—–—–

I go slow on you, we are different in pace
When my lips come close, I can feel your heartbeat race
I exhale and kiss from your shoulder to your neck
And I guess it’s wrong but you sigh, so what the heck
I go slow on you, watch you breathe and close your eyes
Let you lead my hand up and down between your thighs
And I understand we will never be for real
But it’s so intense, heating up the way you feel

———-

You compromise your sex appeal with one small cigaret
Disgust is all that I can feel, I know what I will get
The bitter taste of poison breath, it doesn’t turn me on
Just smoke your sorry self to death, I’m clearly not the one

———-

I like your chocolate skin, familiar yet exotic
The way you look at me, seductive and erotic
Your chest moves up and down each time your body meets me
And I can’t help but like the way your body treats me

———-

This didn’t quite go down as planned
I didn’t think you’d kiss me back
When I first touched your shaking hand
I thought you’d have a heart attack
You’re inexperienced and sweet
Not what I’m looking for at all
I guess I swept you off your feet
Now I must intercept your fall

———-

Put your finger through those holes in me
Stick your tongue where no one’s been yet
Feel the darkness when it calls for me
Watch the scenes that no one’s seen yet

See me break in all my bitterness
See me raging mad and screaming
Tearing down what once has been success
On the other side of dreaming

Let your hand rest on my sweaty face
On the days when I can’t love you
When all tenderness seems out of place
Let me have the best parts of you

———-

Baby, keep your silk dress on, our golden age is over
Your clothes can stay where they belong, I’m weary and you’re sober
Baby, time to wear your smile, the one that I’m not buying
We kept it up for quite a while, but I can’t stand the lying

———-

I only live from one short-term distraction to the next one
And I’m not looking forward to a thing
And I’m a lot of guys but surely not the most relaxed one
The bad times throw me down, the good times sting

———-

Some classify their day as good or bad
That’s not my way
My scale just goes from shitty to okay

———-

There is nothing like a good preemptive strike
It’s crystal clear the end is near
We both lie wide awake, we can’t conceal the ache
The crossroad’s here, it’s time to steer

We have gone so far, I don’t know who you are
Can we still grow? The answer’s No
What am I waiting for? I know it in the core
I hurt you so, it’s time to go

In this crowded bed where many lies were said
We’re occupied with dreams and pride
We used to give a damn, you don’t know who I am
The things we tried, we’re still denied

———-

So much shit that I can’t deal with
Daily disappointment dose
That’s what I’m supposed to heal with?
Clearly I’m not coming close

———-

Ich hab zu viel zu geben um es in mir zu behalten
Will ein anderes Leben, aber alles bleibt beim Alten
Ich hab zu viel gelitten um noch ewig hier zu warten
Ich hab zu viel gestritten auf so viele falsche Arten
Ich hab um mich geschlagen, die verletzt, die bei mir standen
Ich war kaum zu ertragen, hab mich selber nicht verstanden

Ich hab zu viel zu geben, bin zu gut in allem Schönen
Kann dich hoch empor heben, dich verlieben und verwöhnen
Du wirst wohlig benommen dich am Ende fallen lassen
Doch der Zeitpunkt wird kommen, da wirst du mich nur noch hassen
Ich zerstör viel zu viele, pflaster meinen Weg mit Leichen
Fuck, ich kenn meine Ziele, doch ich kann sie nicht erreichen

———-

Don’t tell me how my day was
I felt it, you did not
If you don’t want to stay close
Just leave with what you’ve got

Don’t tell me how my life feels
I live it every day
My shoes are not your high heels
But they can walk away

———-

Another day has gone to waste
Each hour left a bitter taste
Another evening alone
Another busy dial tone

I’m so fed up with this routine
Leftovers being my cuisine
I always eat alone for two
There’s always me and never you

———-

Touch me one last time
With this soft hand of yours
It’s good that you were mine
It’s good that you were mine

Kiss my lips goodbye
Take one last look at me
I know that we both tried
I know that we both tried

Please close all the doors
When you walk out for good
I can’t speak anymore
I can’t speak anymore

———-

You know the way you feel
You’ve known this state for years
It’s omnipresent, real
Too strong to cause you tears
You’re eaten up inside
You’re constantly alarmed
You always try to hide
How much you’re really harmed

You know the way you feel
How much the numbness hurts
How you don’t seem to heal
How you don’t find the words
Survivors you salute
You wonder how they cope
For you yourself are mute
And you don’t have much hope

I know the way you feel
And it is not just me
It’s worse than “not ideal”
It’s worse than “wait and see”
The emptiness, it hurts
I know it well, I do
And if you lack the words
Let me find words for you

———-

The things I look forward to don’t seem to happen
The things I look back to are not always fun
I often explain myself but I don’t have to
When I’m disappointed sometimes I just run

———-

I’m sorry that I left
I run when I’m conflicted
The pain that I can bear
Is painfully restricted

I wanted this to last
I didn’t wish to end us
My own destruction won
I just could not defend us

———-

The best day of my life
A sunny afternoon
The snow was almost gone
And spring can’t come too soon
When I had closed my eyes
She kissed me without haste
Her lips so soft on mine
I can’t forget her taste
When you undress me now
I wonder who you are
The peace I felt back then
Today it seems so far
The hunger in your eyes
Each time I am in you
Can’t make me feel alive
The way she used to do

———-

He loves me all the time
In all those different ways
I’m loved against the wall
Or trees on sunny days
He loves me fast and slow
In silence and with noise
With all his body parts
Sometimes I’m loved with toys

———-

A fragile thread is binding us
What happened to those rugged ropes?
Not always gentle but so strong
They’re all worn out now, what went wrong?

At first the ropes turned into chains
That kept us both from moving on
And now I find they’re almost gone
A thin connection, only one

———-

I’m losing interest in you
Why did you let things get so far?
You knew how different we are
I know for certain that you knew

Seems like you’re playing hard to get
And I must say I’m not impressed
Don’t put my patience to the test
I am a loss you might regret

———-

You are conveniently ill, which means we will not meet today
And I could act like that’s okay, I do not know yet if I will
I’m not the smallest bit surprised; yes I expected you to bail
That my attempts to meet would fail; I guess that they were ill-advised

———-

I’m not a believer in past lives and such
So I do not think we were lovers before
The thing I believe in: I like you so much
That I wouldn’t mind if you stayed here some more

I’m not into spirits, feng shui and souls
But I’m into you in this life here and now
Please help me accomplish the oldest of goals
If you’re what life gives me then I don’t care how

———-

You ask me to be patient
You say you’re worth the wait
And I don’t think you’re lying
But still I don’t feel great

I’ve done my share of waiting
I’ve waited many years
Been sitting here for hours
Till something nice appears

I’ve done my sharing of thinking
I know what I expect
In all those years I’ve waited
I’ve tried to stay intact

Forgive, but I’m a skeptic
I do not think love grows
Some people feel things slowly
But I’m not one of those

I know it either hits me
Or doesn’t strike at all
Time isn’t on your side when
You want to make me fall

You ask me to be patient
But I am not a child
Sixteen lies far behind me
No hormones going wild

All time will do is scare me
Or bore me or annoy
Right now we have a chance here
One you should not destroy

———-

You asked me to write a poem of love
Some lines that express the way that I feel
My heart is a mess, so yes, this is tough
You showed me the light, this time it’s for real

You asked me to put my love into words
For once in my life no rhymes come to mind
I used to survive, ignore how it hurts
And think that I would remain cold and blind

The first time we talked, I didn’t feel changed
It wasn’t until you’d left me again
Resurfaced but still so maimed and estranged
As long as we’d walked, I’d felt like a man

I can’t write of love in flowery style
But you made me whole. I won’t let you go
Again in control, I’ll make it worthwhile
All rain from above, I’ll turn into snow

———-

Please close your ears now
Shut the world out
Please let me teach you
What I’m about

Come two steps closer
Closer to me
Keep your eyes open
Touch me and see

Take all those clothes off
Lock all those doors
Woman on woman
My heart on yours

———-

They’re nice; I send them all away
I’m anything but patient
If I can’t really have my way
Then they can’t have my time

I’m stubborn and I’m incomplete
Direct and hard to handle
I don’t do slow, don’t do discreet
A speaker, not a mime

———-

Your legs around my waist
You gently pull me closer
You smell the way you taste

Your breath feels like a song
Your mouth is the composer
The melody is strong

We talk all day, all night
But now we’re being silent
Most words would not feel right

Your heart beats like a drum
Intense and almost violent
You scratch me and you come

———-

Surely the ground would swallow me
If it wasn’t for this chair
Maybe the room will follow me
Get drowned in my deep despair

Surely the floor would open up
If I wasn’t sitting here
Knowing it’s why we’ve broken up
The chair bears my giant rear

———-

Collapsing at 8pm
The day has been too long
There is no power left in me
No reason to be strong
Refusing to give a damn
I simply go to sleep
Relaxing is a luxury
The tiredness goes deep

———-

Her smile is of that hungry kind
That tells you all you need to know
It leaves you tantalized and blind
She asks for you and you just go
You follow her and beg for treats
She swallows you in every way
Then leaves you dying in her sheets
Where you await your judgment day

———-

Ich glaub nicht, dass dir egal ist, wo ich morgen Abend schlafe
Weil dir Treue zu banal ist, bist du selber keine Brave
Weil du Angst hast, was passier’n kann, lässt du dich an keinen binden
Weil du weißt, was man verlier’n kann, lässt du dich erst gar nicht finden
Doch ich glaube, in dir drinnen, schmerzt es jedes Mal auf’s Neue
Sehnsucht kann man nicht entrinnen, auch wenn ich sie nie bereue
Alle wünschen, alle spielen, kaum ein Einsatz wird vermieden
Du und ich sind zwei von vielen, denn wir haben so entschieden
Du sagst, dass es ideal ist, folgt dem Fremdgeh’n keine Strafe
Ich glaub nicht, dass dir egal ist, wo ich morgen Abend schlafe

———-

I think you should leave him – but not for me
I’m hardly your future, this much I see
He doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t care
He’s mean and he’s distant – it isn’t fair

I know I can give you the tenderness
And fairness you’re craving – no more, no less
I tell you you’re pretty because it’s true
But I’ll never love you or be with you

———-

Today was really bad again, no fuzzy feelings felt
You lock your room and once again remove your jeans and belt
The leather, cold against your flesh, leaves burning streaks of shame
Today you hurt the world again; you have to feel the same

———-

Enchanted by your pretty hands, your flawless, sexy feet
I feel the rise of strong demands, of hunger, thirst and heat
I do not rush undressing you, there will be time enough
Don’t know what hurry has to do with passion or with love
And while I do appreciate your breasts and lips and thighs
It’s hands and feet that liberate the loudest kind of sighs

———-

Your dreams are too small, your future too boring
Why love you at all? You’re not in my league
I won’t waste my heart on shallow adoring
I can’t create art from small-town fatigue

———-

She says the cat scratched her again, I shiver to the core
I try to hide from her that I have seen this cat before
I know the place she’s going to each time she quickly leaves
I know the reason why she wears those omnipresent sleeves

This cat does not belong to her, it’s never been a pet
It fooled me many years ago, the first time that we met
By now I know the cat is huge and dangerous and strong
Its fur is black, its claws are sharp, the trails they leave are long

This cat is only known by those who do not fear its claws
Who welcome all the razor blades it hides between its jaws
The marks it leaves are intimate and therefore rarely shown
But not so hard to recognize for those the cat has known

———-

Come, come, come, I know you’re lost now
Come with me, I know you’re scared
I don’t claim to know your struggle
In this war your life declared
Take my hand, we’ll make things better
For the moment, for tonight
I don’t know if I’m the answer
But I’ll try to make things right
Hush now, hush and let me hold you
Let me listen, hold you tight
I can’t promise you tomorrow
But I’m here for you tonight

———-

You don’t need perfect skin
Or eyes of perfect blue
To make me think of sin
And give myself to you

You don’t need purple lips
Or breasts too big to grasp
The way you move your hips
Will always make me gasp

———-

You were supposed to understand
You were supposed to get me
I was supposed to hold your hand
You were supposed to let me

And now it seems you did not get
The way I think at all
What happened I do not regret
It always hurts to fall

———-

If every end is a beginning
I do not want to start again
Experience is all I’m winning
And I’ll avoid that if I can

If every failure makes you wiser
Then surely I have failed enough
I’d be a valuable adviser
For those who haven’t been in love

If every fall means that you’re trying
I wonder why I try at all
Each time I break it feels like dying
It seems like all I do is fall

———-

I think I’m running from something
I think I’m running away
I can’t be sure but it seems like
I am too restless to stay

I think I’m running from something
And I’m too scared to look back
And I’m ashamed of my actions
And of the courage I lack

———-

I am the one who stays behind
All others lose and look and find
I am the one who’s still around
Who isn’t looked for, isn’t found
And while I sit and wait and bleed
I’m losing track of what I need

———-

I wish my head was not so clouded
I don’t remember what I did
I may have been a dick, I doubt it
What I don’t know, I can’t admit

———-

Your beauty doesn’t come from size, it doesn’t come from fashion
Your beauty lies in what you do, in tenderness and passion
It’s in the wisdom that you speak and in your naughty grin
The way you touch me with your words and make me melt within
Your beauty’s not about your hair or ink stains on your fingers
When I’m alone, when you’re not there, your beauty is what lingers

———-

Love is but a sum of symptoms
Fear is but a state of mind
Loneliness is for the lost ones
Mourning for those left behind

Lying is for weak and cheap ones
Truth for those who dare to speak
Crying is for those still feeling
Finding is for those who seek

———-

I drank a lot of orange juice
To taste a little fruity
I did not know which hand to use
To handle all your beauty

You had me all-in from day one
Head, heart and dick in action
When I think back now that you’re gone
Your face still means perfection

———-

No, honey, no
They got it all wrong
The world is what’s crazy, not you
You’re beautiful, baby, and blue

Go, honey, go
I know that you’re strong
Your tears aren’t weak, they’re okay
Come here and I’ll wipe them away

———-

There used to be tears, you know?
There used to be something in my eyes that made all the bad things go
There used to be water inside my head
Each time I got sad

There used to be tears, you know?
I used to lean back once in a while and just let the healing flow
And then came a smile when it was all done
But now there are none

———-

Help me move my mountains
I’m not certain how
But I know they’re in my way
And I know that I can’t stay
Help me move my mountains
Only for a bit
I can’t stand them blocking me
For too long now mocking me

———-

Someday I might forgive myself for hurting me
In the process of hurting you
I freeze a little more each time, internally
When I do what I have to do
I see you break and fall apart in front of me
And the things that I have to say
They don’t reflect at all the things you want from me
But I know that I cannot stay

Someday I might forgive myself for getting lost
In the process of losing you
Someday I might accept that truth comes at a cost
I can’t help what I have to do

———-

I send you pictures of my dick
You send me pictures of your dock
The NSA is really happy
And your mom would be in shock

She doesn’t know her little girl
Has such a lovely dirty mind
If she was with the NSA
She would know millions of that kind

———-

Every gift that stayed ungiven
Is another end-less story
End-less not as in eternal
But just gone with no real end

I’ve bought many of those presents
That would never reach their owners
Who would vanish all too quickly
And too soon to understand

———-

It’s like looking for hay in a stack of needles
It’ like being allergic to oxygen
You can try to ignore that you can’t ignore it
It will work for a moment but what comes then?

You’re surrounded by cake as a diabetic
And you’d die for a taste of what’s killing you
When the present erases what came before it
You feel lost but what’s happened will still be true

———-

This world is bitterness and sorrow
At least that’s all that I can see
The world will be the same tomorrow
I hope the same won’t go for me

———-

Confusion is confusing
I don’t know what to do
I’m caught in this illusion
Of ending up with you

Your silence irritates me
I thought we were mature
It seems to me that lately
Our talking skills are poor

———-

I’m changing all my sheets again
The moment that you close the door
I try to do the best I can
But feel disgusted like before

It felt alright until I came
Inside your torso, soft and wet
There are no winners in this game
I only use what I can get

I feel revulsion, tears and sweat
I really wish I was immune
I take a shower with regret
I’ll call your number way too soon

———-

I wonder if you’re lost like me
Or if you’re doing fine
If you expect subconsciously
That one day you’ll be mine

I wonder if you sleep at night
Or if you lie awake
If your decisions feel alright
Or like a huge mistake

I wonder if you whore around
Or if you’re on your own
If you still hope that you’ll be found
Or think you’ll die alone

I wonder if you wonder too
About where I might be
And if I ever think of you
The way you think of me

———-

I come home late
And there you wait
All decorated, kneeling
You cause the strangest feeling
I take a shower, eat a bite

Then I return
I think you earn
A treat for your persistence
Not moved the smallest distance
Locked in position for the night

I kiss your head
Your hair so red
And then I have you blow me
Your body kneels below me
Your spirit’s soaring high with mine

We act out dreams
With lots of screams
Turned on, intoxicated
We both feel liberated
In chains but free, a blurry line

———-

Your great advice is not so wise, you’re different than I
I realize I’m standing still, who says that I don’t try?
How can I be a better self with no one to compete?
How can I be completely me when I am incomplete?

———-

Is this normal? Is this madness?
Is this ordinary sadness?
Is this state with which I’m dealing
Shit that everybody’s feeling?

Is it hopeless? Can you cure it?
Will I manage to endure it?
Am I broken? Can you mend it?
Is there any way to end it?

———-

Show me you’re worth fighting for and I’ll fight for you until the very end.
Show me you’re worth dreaming of and I’ll share with you my dreams.
Show me that you know my worth and I’ll keep it up for you.

———-

I see my homeland going down
A world in which I once felt safe
You’ve lost the trust that I once gave
You entertain but I’m the clown

———-

Close your head, close your ears, do not listen
To the tales of your fears as they scream
All alone in your bed, no one kisses
You good-night or stays close while you dream

Yes, you’re scared of those nights full of silence
When your heartbeat is all that you hear
All those thoughts that you have are so violent
Present, future and past look so drear

———-

I’m drawing my love with my index on your palm
So slowly, no rush, we’re experienced and calm
My lips rest on your throat, and I breathe you in and out
I wander with my thoughts, I don’t know what they’re about
I drink your silent sighs, your yet unspoken pleas
I know you understand I relish, I don’t tease
I’m drawing my love with my fingers on your hand
Invaluable art people rarely understand

———-

You’re screwing me over by screwing her
The truth is: A lie is what I prefer
Whenever you see her, don’t let me know
‘Cause I am not ready to let you go

———-

If I had the strength for it

If I had the strength for it, I’d start each day with a smile.
I’d make each moment worthwhile, if I had the strength for it.

If I had the strength for it, I’d treat myself with respect,
Put daydreams into effect, if I had the strength for it.

If I had the strength for it, I would forgive people’s flaws.
Good deeds would earn my applause, if I had the strength for it.

If I had the strength for it, I’d eat what’s healthy and good.
I’d make myself understood, if I had the strength for it.

If I had the strength for it, I’d put my ego aside,
No longer lie here and hide. I don’t have the strength for it.

———-

You’re making out with someone
But it’s never me, it’s never me
You’re getting loud with someone
And it’s never me, it’s never me
You value me too much for this
You won’t kill friendship with a kiss
But in the end, if friends are all we’ll be
This friendzone’s killing me

———-

This was a year of many bodies, of many hearts in many chests
A year of pain, a year of passion, of many lips and many breasts
This was a year of repetition, of never learning from mistakes
A year of feeling, breaking, crawling, no matter how much will it takes

———-

When the world is too loud
Let me cover your ears
Let me close all your doors and be silent
You don’t have to be proud
I won’t laugh at your fears
I have felt how the mind can be violent

When the world is too much
Let us hide in your bed
Let a blanket fort be our housing
Trust my silence and touch
I’ll take care of your head
With those hands that are not just arousing

———-

I used to hold you every night
But now you seem to hate my touch
How could your feelings change so much
And will they ever turn back right?

All that I am I want to share
And always shelter you from harm
But you’re no longer in my arm
And you no longer seem to care

———-

I still recall you describing
Your perfect man as tall and blond
That’s all you thought was important
For you to get along and bond

Now here we are three years later
You are a mom and he is gone
Are you surprised what went wrong here?
It seems your guy was not the one

At least your daughter is blond now
And heaven knows she might grow tall
Let’s hope she won’t be so shallow
And someone nice will make her fall

———-

I’m falling for you anyway
I might as well get some
My self-restraint has gone astray
Disposed of like jetsam

I like you more then I assumed
So why not start screwing?
I tried but I’m already doomed
And there’s no undoing

———-

I really want to make out now
And with whom I don’t care
I want it rough and be loud now
Want to make people stare

———-

Leave me alone now, leave me lonely
Just go your way, I’ll stay behind
Won’t ask of you to text or phone me
Don’t be just generous, be kind
Leave me alone now, I need space here
To cry and shiver, yell and moan
All of the demons that I face here
Just let me face them all alone

———-

Spank me, turn my butt cheeks red
I know you understand
Sometimes I need to feel myself
And feel your guiding hand

Kiss me gently once we’re done
Caress me where I’m sore
Some think it’s all about the pain
To me it means much more

———-

This year has not been good to me and I’ve stopped being good myself
I’ve let my heart and body down, I’m frightened by my mental health
It needs to change and change it will, but into what I do not know
I’ll either manage to get out or otherwise I’ll choose to go
I have to say that in the end it’s been a ride again this year
I’ve ridden many, big and small, and many came but none stayed here

———-

Please, by all means, don’t be on time
It’s not like I expect you
I never plan a thing, it’s fine
Don’t let my stress affect you

———-

I’m so sorry I can’t see you
But it simply hurts too much
It was painful once to be you
And be longing for my touch

It took time but you replaced me
Was I easy to replace?
I recall how you amazed me
No, I cannot watch your face

———-

This succubus lifestyle, this predator me
It’s fighting the symptoms, a poor way to be
You’ve known me too little, I’m not what I seem
I’ve lost my direction, I’ve buried my dream

———-

Your eyes are wide open, which is rare when we kiss
But this is a moment far too precious to miss
Those years full of “freedom”, they are finally gone
The end of two eras, the beginning of one

———-

You did all in your power to make my life good
From the cradle till now – it’s amazing
You were always supportive, just the way mothers should
But I can’t beat the demons I’m facing

And I know you are proud of the things I achieved
You’re the reason for most of my beauty
If there’s some kind of heaven, like I’ve always believed
It will know you did more than your duty

You could not have prevented the way that I failed
You can’t always protect me from thunder
I had guidance and shelter through the storms that I sailed
But the ocean will soon pull me under

And I’m sorry I hurt you after all of those years
That you gave for this life I can’t handle
It was not my intention to be causing you tears
But the wind was too strong for this candle

You did all in your power to fill me with joy
You will always be my one and only
I was perfectly happy, I felt loved as a boy
But the man I became was too lonely

———-

I don’t know how to do this or to breathe anymore
I have felt dead and useless, I have been there before
What I’m asking myself is, why I always return
Would it really be selfish to go down and to burn?
After nearly three decades, I have nothing to show
When my heart, mind and back ache, am I ready to go?

———-

You don’t have to tame me
I seem wilder than I am
Life happened, don’t blame me
Simply make me give a damn

I don’t fear commitment
I’ve just made enough mistakes
I knew what this shit meant
I’m just doing what it takes

You needn’t convince me
Of what you and I could be
Your love needs to rinse me
Make me feel, believe and see

———-

Another drop runs down the sink
Your wrist burns with familiar daze
This world’s a stranger, there’s no link
You’re disconnected from its ways

Another wound must bleed and mend
A token of the way you feel
It doesn’t mean that in the end
Your wounds will ever really heal

———-

You came, we kissed, you left again
I thought you’d stay a little while
It sure was nice at first, but then
You realized it’s not your style

You came, we kissed, we screamed at night
I thought we’d stay some kind of friends
You made me feel a bit alright
And I’m surprised by how it ends

You came, we kissed, we watched TV
You said you liked the way I taste
It seems a little rude to me
You had to end it with such haste

You came, we kissed, you came again
The sex was good, the movies too
The only thing that will remain
Are fading memories of you

———-

Enjoy me while you can
A woman and a man
Uncomplicated, plain
No drama, only gain
Enjoy me while I’m here
With pasta, sex and cheer
It might not be for long
I might not be so strong
Enjoy the little things
No diamonds and no rings
Room spinning when we kiss
Remember me like this

———-

When I push you away, it’s ’cause I’m fighting myself
And I’m pushing you out of the line of fire
When I beg you to stay, it’s ’cause I’m already gone
And I need to be used before I expire
All the mean things I say, that’s ’cause I’m hating myself
And you needn’t be hurt by a chronic liar
When I cheat and betray, you’re not the pitiful one
I just cling without qualms to each last desire

———-

So tired now and sick of waiting
Of all the talking and debating
I sleep, wake up, and feel like crying
Associating peace with dying

———-

I feel so fat, yet you want me
Can’t understand what you see
I like the way that you taunt me
Come with me

You say my butt is so sexy
And I don’t get it at all
But since your notions relax me
Make me fall

———-

Right now you’re kissing them both
I follow you in my mind
I see each movement inside
My head that’s troubled and blind

Right now they’re tasting your flesh
And you give in to their touch
And I am here all alone
And you disgust me so much

———-

Already you’re starting to bore me
Already I’m not in the mood
You’re blowing me, kneeling before me
And all I can think of is food

Already I’m counting the hours
Already I want you to leave
It’s chocolate and movies and flowers
But never my love you receive

———-

It was much better when we did it
Out of affection, love and trust
But are we willing to admit it?
Our motivation now is lust

It was much better when you hugged me
After we came until we slept
Now every time your body drugged me
It’s just a tale of tears unwept

———-

Read old e-mails today
Can’t describe how I feel
You addressed me as “babe”
Can’t believe this was real

There were pictures as well
You looked hot in your thong
And in love, I can tell
And my smile felt so wrong

———-

Eat it! Yes! Oh, that’s the stuff!
Stuff it all into your throat!
Swallow it, no time to cough
Rough and plain, no sugar coat

Close your eyes, enjoy the taste
It’s the sweatest kind of peace
Once a day excited haste
Yes, we love our Gouda cheese!

———-

You’re kinda cute, you know?
But that is all there is
The furthest that I’d go
Is once and then a kiss
You’re not exactly hot
Just kinda sweet and nice
Attractive? Really not!
Won’t fuck you more than twice

———-

The train is your home now. You’re cold and alone now.
So where do you go now? You follow the tracks.
Your shoes have been better. They’re raped by the weather.
The once shiny leather is covered in cracks.

Right now you are sleeping. Internally weeping
But stubbornly keeping your last bit of pride.
Life hasn’t been easy. Your hair’s getting greasy.
The view doesn’t please me. Uncomfortable ride.

———-

I’ve stared at your photo for hours now
Your face is beautiful
The past is a guideline but now is now
So I embrace my tool

I’ve seen all the wrinkles around your smile
So caught up in the past
Have watched your soft grace for the longest while
And now my hand moves fast